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AIBU?

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AIBU to not want my parents to drive immediately after a 24-hour flight?

162 replies

DancingBeanz · 28/08/2026 04:12

Name changed and going to be locationally vague, because I don't want to start a drama if this is outing.

We emigrated to another side of the world a couple of years ago, and my parents are coming to visit for the first time (although only seeing us for the first couple of days before essentially going on holiday to the rest of the country). They are in their 60s and have never flown this far before (it'll be over 24 hours of flying on the route they've picked), and I literally cannot get them to understand how tired they are going to be when they arrive. They seem to think that in the couple of days they'll see us, they'll be full of energy for full days out.

Obviously, we have done this journey, and we were exhausted for several days after arriving (let's not also get into the fact that we caught something on the plane, and my parents have gone vaccine-sceptic, that's a whole other thing). Even before the illness hit us, literally all we wanted to do on our first day was sleep.

The most worrying thing is that they've booked a car hire from the airport and are planning to drive to their accommodation near us the moment they get off the plane (we don't live super close to the airport, but are in the same city). They won't let us come and pick them up, and just won't believe us when we say they will be exhausted and not safe to drive.

Am I being unreasonable to labour this point with them? I'm terrified they'll fly here and immediately have a road accident because they're too bloody-minded to believe they will be tired!

OP posts:
beaglescurleduplikebagels · 28/08/2026 08:00

SquirrelGG · 28/08/2026 07:58

Are you incapable of understanding that if someone causes an accident because they are tired they might well kill someone else?

As for all this nonsense about it only being a short drive, my friend's husband fell asleep at the wheel after a drive of less than an hour, it happens why take the risk?

Of course. But millions of people drive when they’re tired every single day - it’s not illegal and OP can’t dictate what her parents choose to do.

SquirrelGG · 28/08/2026 07:58

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 28/08/2026 07:56

But you can’t decide what risks other adults are allowed to take.

Are you incapable of understanding that if someone causes an accident because they are tired they might well kill someone else?

As for all this nonsense about it only being a short drive, my friend's husband fell asleep at the wheel after a drive of less than an hour, it happens why take the risk?

onlyoneoftheregimentinstep · 28/08/2026 07:57

Aboutlola · 28/08/2026 06:13

Book a taxi and say it is your treat. 🤷‍♀️

Do not do this. It’s patronising and insulting. The parents are grown adults who are entitled to make their own decisions.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 28/08/2026 07:56

SquirrelGG · 28/08/2026 07:45

Some of those millions of other travellers have been involved in horrific accidents when driving immediately after arriving here after long-haul flights. It's not worth the risk.

But you can’t decide what risks other adults are allowed to take.

Nesbi · 28/08/2026 07:52

Has no one had months of sleepless nights with a baby and still had to drive? Sleep on a plane was no worse than that!

VieuxFort · 28/08/2026 07:51

You’re being ridiculous. They are perfectly able to decide this themselves. They’re not even old! Losing a night’s sleep is not the end of the world.

DancingBeanz · 28/08/2026 07:51

Blondiebeachbabe · 28/08/2026 07:48

Regardless, I am really pleased they are coming to visit me! But I do personally feel they're coming to visit the country I live in slightly more than they are coming specifically to visit us

Ooh, this is a really horrible comment. My daughter lives in Australia. She went out there in 2024. We have visited once already and are now planning our second visit for next year. Both times we will stay in an AirBnb for around 5 days and see her and her DH, and then we set off to see other sights in Aus.

For us, you have to go for around 3 weeks to make the long journey worth it, so we either :

A) Stay with them for 3 weeks

or

B) Stay for around 5 days and then bugger off elsewhere

I honestly feel that option A would be suffocating for them, and that option B is a happy medium.

But rest assured, we are only going ALL that way because we want to see them!! If they weren't there, we would go on a beach holiday!!

I want them to see the rest of the country! In fact, I'm a little jealous, they're going to get to places before us! It's the fact we're only seeing them for about 2.5 days out of the time they are here, which feels a little on the slim side.

OP posts:
Blondiebeachbabe · 28/08/2026 07:48

Regardless, I am really pleased they are coming to visit me! But I do personally feel they're coming to visit the country I live in slightly more than they are coming specifically to visit us

Ooh, this is a really horrible comment. My daughter lives in Australia. She went out there in 2024. We have visited once already and are now planning our second visit for next year. Both times we will stay in an AirBnb for around 5 days and see her and her DH, and then we set off to see other sights in Aus.

For us, you have to go for around 3 weeks to make the long journey worth it, so we either :

A) Stay with them for 3 weeks

or

B) Stay for around 5 days and then bugger off elsewhere

I honestly feel that option A would be suffocating for them, and that option B is a happy medium.

But rest assured, we are only going ALL that way because we want to see them!! If they weren't there, we would go on a beach holiday!!

SquirrelGG · 28/08/2026 07:45

PollyBell · 28/08/2026 06:26

You can be anxious all you like you can't order them around how do you think the millons of other travellers around the world cope when they fly long haul and hire cars or drive home from the airport or whatever after a plane

the logic to ban them makes no sense

The ''I am anxious so people have to do what I say'' is what is wrong with the world and getting worse

Edited

Some of those millions of other travellers have been involved in horrific accidents when driving immediately after arriving here after long-haul flights. It's not worth the risk.

Pinkflamingo10 · 28/08/2026 07:44

Just tell them you’re picking them up
Say you’ll be there to meet their flight whatever they say so they may as well cancel car hire

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 28/08/2026 07:42

It sounds like you’re anxious about seeing them due to your strained relationship and are putting all that anxiety on the one thing you hoped you could control.

Honestly, they’re adults. They’re only in their sixties and can make decisions for themselves.

Doigoforit2 · 28/08/2026 07:39

When was the last time you actually saw them in person @DancingBeanz ?

upsofloating · 28/08/2026 07:38

From your thread title I assumed they were at least in their late eighties.

Doigoforit2 · 28/08/2026 07:38

You hardly have any interaction with them OP and not at all close.

Don’t start the visit off in a bad foot by kicking up any more fuss over this

DrumsPleaseFab · 28/08/2026 07:34

It it’s nice they are coming

and nothing wrong with them wanting to see you AND also wanting to see Oz (or NZ or wherever you live, did not catch that)

nothing wrong with them wanting both.

As to the driving that is their decision, they are making decisions about their life every day. They may be fine, they may realise upon landing they are not fine and get a taxi to a hotel instead. or call you

tell them if they change their mind, they can call you and you will pick them up

then try and stop worrying so much about them

MrsBennetsPoorNervesAreBack · 28/08/2026 07:34

Holdthemayo · 28/08/2026 06:53

Sorry if it’s been asked already but will they be driving on the other side of the road from what they are used to. If so this is selfish and madness on their part .

My car was hit head on and my boyfriend instantly killed by a business man who left the airport and drove after a long haul flight . The accident happened on a rural route . The car behind him saw him turn on to the wrong side of the road at a junction and tried to flash and beep him because he could see our headlights in the distance but nothing worked and we collided on a bend .

The driver would not be convinced by anyone at the scene he was on the wrong side of the road is something I remember the witnesses telling me in court . He was in his 60s .

I'm so sorry for your loss.

bababamama · 28/08/2026 07:33

I’ve driven home many times, I’m not saying it’s the smartest move but 45 minutes is short

rathersleepy · 28/08/2026 07:33

I wouldn’t dream of trying to control how my 62 year old mum transported herself

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 28/08/2026 07:32

Holdthemayo · 28/08/2026 06:53

Sorry if it’s been asked already but will they be driving on the other side of the road from what they are used to. If so this is selfish and madness on their part .

My car was hit head on and my boyfriend instantly killed by a business man who left the airport and drove after a long haul flight . The accident happened on a rural route . The car behind him saw him turn on to the wrong side of the road at a junction and tried to flash and beep him because he could see our headlights in the distance but nothing worked and we collided on a bend .

The driver would not be convinced by anyone at the scene he was on the wrong side of the road is something I remember the witnesses telling me in court . He was in his 60s .

I'm so sorry sorry this happened to you. My aunt and her friend were also killed in a similar collision in Spain. English man in a BMW on the wrong side. It's terrifying.

rathersleepy · 28/08/2026 07:32

You mention 60 like they’re doddering fools. I’m sure they can manage a 45 minute drive after sleeping on the plane. Rather dramatic

B9waiting · 28/08/2026 07:30

Don’t stress - public transport to the airport & drive the hire car back to their hotel for them. Otherwise leave them to it, they’re adults. FWIW, we’ve done similar in the past & been fine - also stay up until bedtime to reset body clock & all ok.

Doigoforit2 · 28/08/2026 07:18

3x a year you speak to your mother?

This is going to be an interesting visit

whereswilson · 28/08/2026 07:16

Yeah i have regularly done that trip over the past 20 years and I never drive at either end because of fatigue. Im also a shift worker so I know fatigue well and still dont risk it

Merrymoonage · 28/08/2026 07:15

They’re adults, they can sleep on the plane. I’m sure they’re perfectly able to decide if they can drive or not.

Sartre · 28/08/2026 07:13

I’m sure they’ll be fine, the tiredness will likely hit them a few hours later. They might also be the sort of folk who can sleep well on the plane, some people can.