AIBU for refusing a house on a roundabout or a flat?

Also, do check that there is no leasehold on any houses, if you're looking at new builds, for some reason a lot of them are leasehold. Shocking.

I don’t think you are unreasonable on both counts. It feels like your DH is desperate to move out and that affects his thinking.
I would sit and do a list of what your “must haves” and “nice to have” and what you are ready to compromise on. You need to picture your life for the next 5 years, at least roughly. At the roundabout how would it work with loyd of car noise and pollution and where to cross with a buggy etc etc. All these little things do matter. We don’t know your circumstances and the area but maybe you can expand the search area a bit? That would be a compromise. Maybe you can go for a smaller property and consider extension later?

Do not raise children in a flat if you have any choice about this. It's shit. (Raised children in a flat. )

I agree with this. If you suggest you should have more of a say than your husband because of your money, that could cause him to feel slighted and cause a massive rift. Imagine if the roles were reversered how you would feel. Why don't you write a list of both of your non negotiables eg parking and some private outdoor space, your desirables if possible, and then assess every property against it. Parking was a non negotiable for my husband which ruled out a lot of the period properties which were desirable for me but I was actually grateful when we had kids that we had the more practical house.

A house considering you have two children, and a garden is useful. Also avoid leasehold of any kind, England and Wales are about the only countries in the world where they exist. Neighbours in flats could be demanding about children making a noise. I have brought up 3 DC in my flat.

Is this in Scotland?

What if the person upstairs needs to fix the roof, doesnt fix the roof and it starts to cause leaks into your property?

Flats can have gardens, why would you think they dont?

2 absolute musts when buying g a house especially with children. You must have a garden - so flats are out. And you must have parking. Own driveway if possible. Everything else is your preference.

I've 2 tips OP,
Don't be too quick to dismiss anything based solely on googling , we found in person vibes gave a much better picture and our rule was if one of us didn't 'feel' it for any reason the other didn't sulk!
Seriously, there are always homes coming on the market and the one for you could be getting prepped for Rightmove right now, good luck.

thank you, never knew that

Avoid leasehold flats with service charges like the plague, if you can afford a freehold small house with a garden instead. Flats are falling in value for a Reason.

Just how much deposit is he contributing? Did he also have a flat to sell ? I wasn't sure why he would criticise you so much if you sold your flat in order to to get up the ladder and get a house, otherwise you could have stayed where you were.

Always buy a house with off road parking if you can afford it.
You only need to spend a Friday night on MN to see the dramas unfold for street parking wars......

I think there are compromises and deal breakers. A smaller garden than I'd want = compromise. No outside space = deal breaker.
Interior stuff that's functional but not to my taste and could be changed = compromise.
Poorly located = deal breaker.
You need to list your deal breakers, keeping them as few as you can, then only view properties where there are none. That way you avoid being persuaded that you'll come to terms with a deal breaker because other boxes are ticked. Because you probably won't.

I would say the main issue with the flat is lack of direct access to outside space, but some do have that for example a ground floor maisonette which might be a compromise? Good luck - I don’t think either of you are wrong, it’s just a difficult situation

If you own a car, where would you park it if there's no off or on street parking?

Plus I'd imagine trying to get 2 small children and shopping into the house from where you can park, a walk away would be a nightmare, which I bet he's not thought about.

Perhaps go and see the 'roundabout' house, find where you'd be parking at 6 pm on a rainy November evening and get him to take the toddler and 4 bags of shopping to the front door by himself if he doesn't get the objection.

Flats could be fine depending on the flat, but if you can afford a house, why wouldn't you buy one? It's a buyers market at the moment, so less need to compromise. Buy well and you won't need to move again for a long time.

I’m absolutely with you OP. With young children car parking and not on a roundabout are essential. I would only consider a flat if it had a private garden and was freehold. Anything else forget it !

Depends on the property. I had a flat, as I said earlier. Not leasehold, freehold. I was responsible for maintaining my property. The flat above me had responsibility for their property. Their property had a roof, their responsibility and not mine. No service charges. Separate entrances to each flat, no shared communal areas or stairs.

This was not a huge block of flats but one above one, a row of six (so three ground floor, three upper). There were four of these in a relatively small cul-de-sac, all the same.

so how are whole of building repairs and maintenance funded?

Yes they have share of freehold but the pot can still need topping up when you don’t want it to. My friend has a share and she still gets asked to increase her input. I don’t want anyone having that control over me. I’ve decided on a bungalow next as it’s like a detached flat 😁

Service charges can be awful But not all flats have them you know.

It's not a maisonette. They are on 2 floors.

It was a reply to posts sayingflats have s service charge and no garden

Have you discussed a timeline for living with your mum, or is it just indefinitely? If so its not fair on your DH, your mum, or your kids.

I don't think the examples in your first post are necessarily worth compromising on, but you will have to compromise somewhere- most people do when looking for a home, nevermind if they're living with a family member.

Set a deadline for when you want to have found somewhere by- your DH probably feels a bit trapped and helpless, so that will probably help him feel better. The make a list of your requirements for your home, both of you, and work out which ones are non negotiables and which ones you'd compromise on.

Don't underestimate how much living with family (especially in laws) can put stress on relationships and individuals. Someone I know took his own life in a similar situation as it was an absolute pressure cooker- obviously not saying that is what is going to happen here, it was incredibly unfortunate and is vanishingly unlikely, but I never really considered the kind of strain these situations can put on people until it happened and now I'm always very conscious of it.

Don't compromise as you will hate it and always want to move.

Buy the biggest house you can afford, so you don't have to move again and don't get a flat. Don't get any house with service charges that you don't have any say over.

If he is struggling with living where you are tell him to man up and in a few years time he will look back and think what a fuss he was making.

Your mum probably is fed up too, but it's not permanent, it's a means to an end.

I agree with this, but it's also a bit unfair to your mother, to all be staying with her indefinitely while you save up and look for a perfect home.

I don't think that's too picky at all.
Somewhere with no parking is an absolute no-go, especially with young children and needing to get them in and out of the car safely, particularly when you also have shopping etc. Having to find on-street parking would end up being a massive headache. You absolutely should not compromise on that.

I also don't think it's too picky to say you want to live in a house and not a flat. I live in a flat and I like it but I'm on my own and I'm on the top floor and everyone is quiet. I wouldn't want to be living here with children because I'd be constantly worried about them running around and making noise because the sound really does carry. Similarly, the ground floor could be nice if there was a garden attached but you might find yourself disturbed by neighbours above.

You aren't far enough into the search to start "compromising" on things like this and actually I think parking and a house instead of a flat are non-negotiables.