Am i being unreasonable

I wouldn't have them over because of the previous incident and because I loathe that word. I know its popular to say it but I find it degrading to women. My boys know its not allowed to be said in our house.

With it being a birthday celebration with several others there, I wont take the risk of this boy pulling some other shitty stunt etc.

Children shouldn’t say this even jokingly irrelevant of his background. What sort of background is it acceptable for kids to say cunt ?

If a teenage girl called your husband a cunt in his own home, would you say your husband was being a schoolboy by not being friendly to the girl anymore?

Doubt it.

Oh my, the op is a grown woman, she should not act like a school girl.

I would just be cold to the friend. He doesn’t deserve niceness from you anymore.

No snacks or lifts, nothing.

I think you either accept the apology or not. You’re a grown up, continuing to punish isn’t ok, if he does it again, ban sleep overs, but he’s 12, he’s apologised, see if he behaves next time, I’m sure his parents also dealt with him,

It’s no excuse but he might not have realised the gravity of the word for some people. In certain regions it can be used in an endearing way whereas some people think it’s the most offensive word you could ever utter. At 12, he will have known it’s a bad word but maybe in his mind akin to shit. He was obviously very wrong but he did apologise and his parents sound decent enough. I’d probably give the kid the benefit of doubt.

Absolutely not. Horrific.

You can say who is allowed and not allowed in your house regardless. I wouldn't be having a 12 year old back in my house after calling me a cunt no matter how much he apologised.

I have been called that multiple times as a term of endearment - never by a child and wouldn't allow anyone to call my child that either. Never even heard my own say it (I know they do but they are smart enough not to do it in front of me).

And what about this child trying to persuade the OP's out at 11pm?

I wouldnt feel comfortable with this child in my house. I wouldn't want to responsible for them and when they might do something reckless, or for other children who might ne at risk.

He’s apologised and been disciplined by his parents. I don’t think it’s up to you to discipline him further- maybe the word just slipped out?
I’d give him another chance but any more bad behaviour this time and that’s it

At 12 he shouldnt have called you cunt however it is odd your playing board games with them. At that age they do there own things together when friends are round.

He’s apologised twice and his parents have further disciplined him. I would think he doesn’t know the full implication of that word (though sounds like he knows the consequences now), and was parroting an expletive he’s picked up from wherever? He knows that you won’t tolerate poor behaviour in your home, and likely your son and the other friend(s) know that too. I don’t think there’s much to be gained from denying your son his friend at the birthday.

For the record, a friend of our daughter’s once stole a set of our house keys and entered our house when we were on holiday (she was also around 12). Apologies made and accepted. She has grown up to be a lovely and responsible woman with a job that requires a lot of integrity, and I have no doubt that she manifests that integrity every day. I don’t think that punishing her beyond the initial punishment would have had a better effect.

You can be a parental ally here. I’m encouraged that his parents did react. If you let him come to the party the message is, we all know what you did, you have been shown in no uncertain terms that it was wrong, let’s draw a line under it and move on because that’s what adults do. Developmentally it’s probably not helpful to keep punishing immature kids for the idiot things they have done once they have apologized.

As he is 12 and the parents reacted properly I would think it was pre-teen brain doing something immensely stupid. It was horrible and brainless but at that age cutting him some slack can go a long way towards nudging him back to reasonable behaviour

It's not obligatory but then why ask for one to begin with? Twice...

Yeah yanbu to not want to

Although it depends on the kid. I picture a socially awkward teen not thinking before he speaks. And he has been punished

If he were to apologise again upon entry, id let it go. Kids are stupid.

This isn’t America (do you mean the USA?).

It’s a terrible swearword to say to your friend’s mum. Why justify it?

Anyone who calls you cunt should never be allowed to cross your threshold again.

Stay firm, let DS see that you mean business about his friends behaviour.