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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To wish my partner was funnier?

118 replies

Banoffeemuffin · 27/08/2026 19:57

I have the most amazing partner, we have been together 2 years and honestly, he has treated me so well. He's emotionally intelligent, mature, kind, great with my kids, thoughtful, great in the bedroom, consistent. We also do have a bit of a laugh together and tease each other but he's not naturally funny.
I work with a guy who just has this unbelievable sense of humor, he doesn't even try to be funny, he just is, lots of one liners and just dry, silly humour. Im constantly laughing.
I'm not physically attracted to him but I just keep thinking how fun it would be to actually be with someone who was like that and sometimes feel a bit sad that I'm not going to have that. AIBU?

OP posts:
EmailsaysOOO · 28/08/2026 10:13

The grass is always greener on the other side

Netcurtainnelly · 28/08/2026 10:12

Watch Comedy together and have a laugh.

Change some of your photos into Ai funny pictures and show one another.

FedUpCelery · 28/08/2026 10:07

Have you known your colleague long? Many people who are funny use the same one liners over again, which eventually gets boring.

MustTryHarderAndHarder · 28/08/2026 09:41

SALaw · 28/08/2026 09:04

So….settle?

No, find the best person you are happy with. If you can't do that then remain single.

You need to be realistic enough to realises that Mr Perfect does not exist and that you are not Ms Perfect.

If you want to keep waiting for Mr Perfect then you will have a long wait and will probably never find him.

Tonty · 28/08/2026 09:23

SALaw · 28/08/2026 09:04

So….settle?

She’s already married, that’s the definition of “settled”. You’re talking as if they’re dating. They made a commitment to each other and have 2 children. She knew what his sense of humour was like before marrying him, so why is this suddenly a deal breaker now?
No partner comes with every possible quality. Telling someone to divorce a man who has everything she values except being “funny enough” is ridiculous. Not even you embody every desirable trait because if you did, you’d be perfect.
Stop encouraging people to blow up marriages over trivial things. All it does is create more broken families and traumatised children.

SALaw · 28/08/2026 09:04

MustTryHarderAndHarder · 28/08/2026 07:50

But no-of course but they don't grow on trees! Just like perfect women don't grow on trees.

If they did your point would be valid.

So….settle?

PetiteParakeet · 28/08/2026 07:55

OP you say you ‘have a bit of a laugh together’. I’d rather have that mutual humour than be put in the role of audience to someone else’s wit. The latter is fun for a night out in a group, but to be honest I want a two-way thing in a relationship, where they think I’m funny too, we can have in-jokes, and crack up over daft things the kids say.

MustTryHarderAndHarder · 28/08/2026 07:55

HumptyDump · 27/08/2026 21:59

Really? You think 2 years in she should be feeling like this.

Your bar is too low.

So I assume that you have found Mr Perfect?

Well done but not everyone can be so lucky.

MustTryHarderAndHarder · 28/08/2026 07:51

rathersleepy · 28/08/2026 07:29

Life’s too short to be with a bore

The op did not say that he was boring. She just said he wasn't funny. There is a big difference.

MustTryHarderAndHarder · 28/08/2026 07:50

SALaw · 28/08/2026 05:32

Some of them won’t be - the ones that are married weren’t married before they were married. The women that married them found an unmarried one.

But no-of course but they don't grow on trees! Just like perfect women don't grow on trees.

If they did your point would be valid.

Tunaboona · 28/08/2026 07:29

Tonty · 28/08/2026 00:36

Why do you have to drag 'grey dressing gowns' into it, what have they ever done to you?

Edited

Sorry, I was once murdered by a grey dressing gown, so I have issues.

rathersleepy · 28/08/2026 07:29

Life’s too short to be with a bore

SALaw · 28/08/2026 05:32

MustTryHarderAndHarder · 27/08/2026 21:14

And likely to be married!

Some of them won’t be - the ones that are married weren’t married before they were married. The women that married them found an unmarried one.

SALaw · 28/08/2026 05:29

FruitFlyPie · 28/08/2026 01:58

I think it's hard to be funny in that way with your long term partner. Just because of the amount of time you spend with them. I think I'm kind of funny and usually laugh a lot with my friends and colleagues. But with my partner, current and exes, we didn't sit at the dinner table laughing in the same way. It's just not the same sort of interaction.

I think having a good sense of humour is important. As in doesn't take things too seriously and can have a laugh at times. That's more important than being with someone who could go on the stand up comedy circuit.

Edited

Is it hard?! You sit at the table and tell wee stories from your day and have a laugh surely? You watch tv together and make asides about things? You go places, be it holidays, parents evenings, dog walks and there is stuff to talk about. I’m not meaning laugh a minute or whatever but life throws up so many things you can have a laugh about if you have a partner that you can do that with.

SALaw · 28/08/2026 05:26

DontGoChasinWaterfalls · 27/08/2026 21:46

I think you need to be very careful not to romanticise one attractive quality in someone else and compare it with the whole reality of the partner you actually have.

You’ve described a man who is emotionally intelligent, mature, kind, thoughtful, consistent, great with your children, sexually compatible with you, treats you well and who you can still laugh and tease with. That is an incredibly strong relationship foundation, and frankly, a lot of people would give their right arm to find that combination.

Your colleague being naturally hilarious is lovely, but you’re seeing him in a very specific environment where his best quality is on display. You have absolutely no idea what he would be like as a partner at 7am when somebody is ill, when money is tight, when the kids are difficult, when you’ve had an argument, or when life becomes boring and stressful. Being funny does not tell you whether somebody is kind, dependable, emotionally safe or capable of maintaining a healthy relationship.

And it’s worth remembering that your partner probably doesn't think you embody every single quality he could possibly find attractive in another woman either. There may well be women who are funnier than you, calmer than you, more spontaneous than you, more interested in one of his hobbies, or possess some other quality he occasionally wishes you had. That doesn't mean he'd be better off with them.

No partner is going to contain every desirable characteristic that exists in every other person you meet.

So yes, I think YABU if you're genuinely feeling sad that you're “missing out.” You aren't missing out on a better relationship; you've simply encountered someone who possesses one quality your partner doesn't possess to the same degree.

I'd appreciate what you've got rather than allowing an imaginary version of somebody else to compete with a very good man who is actually showing up for you in real life.

I mean, maybe, but it is also ok to say that laughing together is so important that it doesn’t matter if you have those other things, this is a red line. I couldn’t be with someone where we don’t have a wee joke with each other. Married 18 years and that laughter has got us through all life’s stresses so far.

FruitFlyPie · 28/08/2026 01:58

I think it's hard to be funny in that way with your long term partner. Just because of the amount of time you spend with them. I think I'm kind of funny and usually laugh a lot with my friends and colleagues. But with my partner, current and exes, we didn't sit at the dinner table laughing in the same way. It's just not the same sort of interaction.

I think having a good sense of humour is important. As in doesn't take things too seriously and can have a laugh at times. That's more important than being with someone who could go on the stand up comedy circuit.

EstoyRobandoSuCasa · 28/08/2026 01:36

Do you make him laugh all the time? If not, then it's possible he thinks the same about you.

I once dated a guy with some great one liners. But as time went on, I realised that 1) he'd copied most, if not all of them from films and stand-up acts and 2) he didn't actually have that many, so repeated them over and over again.

ForeverDelayedEpiphany · 28/08/2026 00:57

DontGoChasinWaterfalls · 27/08/2026 21:46

I think you need to be very careful not to romanticise one attractive quality in someone else and compare it with the whole reality of the partner you actually have.

You’ve described a man who is emotionally intelligent, mature, kind, thoughtful, consistent, great with your children, sexually compatible with you, treats you well and who you can still laugh and tease with. That is an incredibly strong relationship foundation, and frankly, a lot of people would give their right arm to find that combination.

Your colleague being naturally hilarious is lovely, but you’re seeing him in a very specific environment where his best quality is on display. You have absolutely no idea what he would be like as a partner at 7am when somebody is ill, when money is tight, when the kids are difficult, when you’ve had an argument, or when life becomes boring and stressful. Being funny does not tell you whether somebody is kind, dependable, emotionally safe or capable of maintaining a healthy relationship.

And it’s worth remembering that your partner probably doesn't think you embody every single quality he could possibly find attractive in another woman either. There may well be women who are funnier than you, calmer than you, more spontaneous than you, more interested in one of his hobbies, or possess some other quality he occasionally wishes you had. That doesn't mean he'd be better off with them.

No partner is going to contain every desirable characteristic that exists in every other person you meet.

So yes, I think YABU if you're genuinely feeling sad that you're “missing out.” You aren't missing out on a better relationship; you've simply encountered someone who possesses one quality your partner doesn't possess to the same degree.

I'd appreciate what you've got rather than allowing an imaginary version of somebody else to compete with a very good man who is actually showing up for you in real life.

This is super, wise, thoughtful advice, and one of the best replies I've read on MN.

Take heed, OP. 👍

grinandslothit · 28/08/2026 00:43

Sign him up for an improv class lol

Tonty · 28/08/2026 00:40

@OP are you funny?

Aintgointogoa · 28/08/2026 00:37

I have had partners who would absolutely make me collapse with laughter. They do need to 'get' you, and it's reciprocal. Also friends, particularly from the the North East, who could do the same. I couldn't relax with someone that pops out a quip every time you have a conversation tho. Time and place etc.

Tonty · 28/08/2026 00:36

Tunaboona · 27/08/2026 19:59

The guy at work is fun uncle Bobby. Probably goes home and sits in a grey dressing gown sobbing into his cornflakes.

Why do you have to drag 'grey dressing gowns' into it, what have they ever done to you?

Judicioususeofthewordgirdle · 28/08/2026 00:32

You might want to do him a favour and end it now before it gets really, really serious. You’ve already got a roving eye and he’s clearly not doing it for you; if you found him that amazing, you wouldn’t be fantasising about another man. This one is clearly on the slide and might be better to cut your losses now.

Pumpkinswirls · 28/08/2026 00:32

Yabvu the guy at work is probably an immature idiot who gets his kicks flirting with his colleagues. The grass is very unlikely to be greener in reality. Think you need to get a grip

sweetpickle2 · 28/08/2026 00:29

I personally couldn’t be with someone who didn’t make me laugh all the time, it’s a non negotiable for me- so I would never have been with someone for 2 years that didn’t. The fact that you have suggests that it’s not a dealbreaker for you?

You need to shut down thinking it about your colleague though- a slippery slope indeed, and also just not very kind to your partner.

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