AIBU to think telling your partner something I told you in confidence makes you a bad friend?

Surely the women who blab secrets to their husbands can't be trusted....even by them.

It should stay in confidence. A good friend told me about something very personal. My DH and I are friends with her and her DH. It's been 5 years and I've never told my husband. That would be a breach of the trust with my friend.

Wow there are some shit women on here!

Maybe there are counter-examples, but I’d assume everything is shared between spouses.

If he has friends I bet he doesn't tell you everything. How would you know?

So that’s the only barometer, you can break a confidence if he doesn’t tell??

Do any friends you have know this. I’d not confide in you if I knew you felt you had to tell your friends confidences to your husband,

I think if I even attempted that my husband would say to me, wasn’t that told to you in confidence.

how on earth anyone thinks it’s ok to gossip to your husband about a confidence someone trusted you with beats me, I just hope people know, or you simply don’t have any friends or friends who confide in you.m

This is a TAAT and they weren't best friends, they were work colleagues.

I would tell my husband everything, if I thought that he would be interested. I would have complete confidence that he wouldn't repeat it.

Bang on!

💯

I'm married. I trust my husband, but my friends secrets are theirs, not mine to share, even with my husband.

I am still my own person even though I'm married, so if someone tells ME something, they are telling ME, and ME alone...

She's not your friend. It's that simple.

I don't understand people's need to immediately vomit out personal information like this.

Why did the husband even need to know?

What goes through a person's head when they treat your private information in such a casual way?

Clearly she doesn't give a fuck about you. It's that simple.

You and your friends deserve each other.

My friend does this. Her reasoning is that she doesn’t keep secrets from her husband. I think it’s fair enough for her not to keep her own secrets from him but she doesn’t get to share mine with him. As a result I don’t share things with her which inevitably has changed the closeness of our friendship.

I tell my DH everything. Always have. He tells me too. I don’t mind if people think that’s being a bad friend. Literally every single person I know tells their partner and I expect them to if I tell them something.

If you don’t I think you’re a bad partner

I wouldn’t tell my husband if you told me something deeply personal. Why would I? I think it’s a cop out to say we tell each other everything, that doesn’t mean you should be breaking people’s confidences imo.

This

No of course I don't tell my husband things my friends have told me in confidence. I don't share every single thing in my life with him.

I agree with you OP. I find it a bit childish and naive when women tell their partners everything including their friends private business. Men don't usually do the same time.

I’m an individual not a half person just because I’m married.

I don’t tell my husband anything that I shouldn’t. Think it’s appalling that so many people think otherwise

We both have really close friendships, but I guess we sort of view ourselves as a 'joint entity'. And if, for example, we're concerned about our friends or want to be there for them, we would just naturally be open with each other. As pp said, it's never to gossip.

It's as surprising to us (because we've obviously discussed this thread too 😂) that other married people don't share everything. It's really interesting to hear these perspectives and at time of writing the vote is evenly split.

I was half-joking about being bad friends but I suppose we are extremely close and probably quite co-dependent.

I'm sorry you've been hurt though. I'm sure your friend would never have intended to, or like us, even considered that you might be. Feeling betrayed is awful.

In most cases, I woild probably tell dh but probably not in detail and there is the odd time I woild not. But, he would never say or act in a way as if he knew, ever. Amd same for me. His bff's wife had an emotional affair. He was devastated and so was dh frankly. He told me. But in the 4 years or so since then, I have never let on I know to either of them and absolutely never ever would.

Maybe it's not right but depending on the type of issue I would have discussed it with my husband.

Don't have that issue now and the cat keeps all secrets!

I tell my husband most things, not everything. He would never let on that he knows though, because he's not a dumbass!

Yes.

Crikey! From a lot of what these posters are saying it appears as though women suddenly cease to be autonomous beings once they legally attach themselves to a man. To roll out the old "because I'm married I have to tell my husband everything/married people tell each other everything" crap really is just an excuse for not being able to hold their wheesht.

Quite obviously what someone tells you in confidence or personal information told to you by a valued friend doesn't fall within that category. Your friend isn't part of the marriage so her information should be exempt from your get out of jail clause for being a gossipy, bad friend.

And to all those women that believe their husband's tell them everything, I struggle to believe that women can be so naive. Men, even the best of them, do not tell their wives everything.

For the OP, you are most certainly not being unreasonable. Your best friend sounds pretty terrible to me.