AIBU to help our grown son financially and ignore criticism?

Life is expensive.
Its not your SIL’s money and therefore it’s none of her business.

I think it’s all fine so long as DS is an only child. Otherwise it might cause friction between him and any siblings.

None of her business wtf

Even if you were giving it to him for something awful like literally so he can burn it for fun because you want to, again, none of her damn business

you need to tell your husband not to tell anyone your private business because people then feel comfortable commenting

Good for you supporting your son and his family. Hopefully they wont split up but even if they did its not a reason to hold back. I would much rather help my child when I was alive and could see them benefiting from the help than them inherit it when I am gone. I do think though that there is nothing to be gained from telling others about finances. It often doesn't end well!

I'd do they same of I had the opportunity and in your circumstances.

No one else’s business. My parents have always helped me & my kids out. You want to help & can afford it so why not. Sounds like your sister in law is jealous she can’t do the same for her own

It’s none of their business - but simply don’t tell anyone. I do think £15,000 on a garden is a lot though when they’re not high earners. Again, it’s no one’s business but I think your comment that they’re frugal might not be as true as you think. I don’t know anyone who needs their car to be paid for to spend that amount on a garden. As long as you’re happy I don’t see why even that matters really but I feel a bit sorry for you, I hope your son and his wife aren’t taking the piss.

If you can afford it I think fine. Saves inheritance tax later down the line!

We help our children out. We are in the fortunate position that we will never spend the money we have saved - should we sit on our money whilst they struggle? We love to see them happy.

I should add that they both work incredibly hard - I wouldn’t fund them not to work. They never ask for anything and are always incredibly grateful. Well done OP and ignore the comments.

You sound wonderful. DS1 is 31 and married to his childhood sweetheart too. They have a year old DD. Childcare is expensive and due to ill health (I have a life limiting condition) I can't to be relied upon as I regularly spend long periods in hospital.

What I do do is take DGC out on a day DH is at home so as not to let them down. I buy regular big ticket items for DGD including car seats, her latest stroller, highchair, wooden garden play equipment, and landscaping/childproofing their back garden. I also batch cook DGD meals, buy shoes and clothes and have Prime subscriptions for her toiletries and waterwipes. This saves them a lot over a year.

I also know DIL's parents pay for all their car costs, holidays and childcare. I don't understand parents who don't want to support their adult DC. DS and DIL are not spoiled, work hard and are amazing parents. They never expect or ask for anything.

Agree with others, as long as you have enough ignore the criticism. The government would only take it to give to random strangers.

I’m rarely against this, I’d love to help out DD a lot more than I do, and I still hope to one day as soon as I’m financially better off.

The only circumstances I’d disagree with is if there’s so much help that it goes against their growth. My uncles help their children - grown adults in their late 40s - to the extent that they have no idea what it’s like to live on their actual income. Plus, in order to do this they have no savings and my uncle is still working at almost 80. It’s insane to watch.

Brilliant that you are able and wanting to support as you are!

As long as you have enough for yourselves and if anything happens can retire without an issue it’s fine.

You sound absolutely lovely ❤️

Good for you! You’re sister is being ridiculous.

Spend your money on things that make you happy - it sounds like you are doing this, which is great!

My only suggestion (and you may already be doing this) is perhaps expressing to your son that you would like him and his wife to continue the tradition and support their own two children to have a good quality of life too? Therefore you've passed on a good chunk of your inheritance from your parents, so you hope they will plan ahead to be in a position to do the same when they inherit from you and from her parents. This would hopefully stop him from assuming that, say, the inheritance they may receive is all to fund their own retirement or to b3 spent extravagantly.

I say this because I pointed this out to my own parents, who have been incredibly generous to me and my sibling (contributions to uni living costs, house deposit, wedding cost and to various home improvements as well as some lovely family holidays over the years) and I know my parents were very touched that I had acknowledged that the biggest thank you I could give them was to continue to work hard so DH and I could pass the same benefits on to the next generation of our family. I think this approach might bring you great joy too?

@DemonsandMosquitoes They must be friends with my PIL, they're exactly the same! When DD (21) had her 18th, our neighbours gave her a more generous gift than my PIL, it's bizarre. They're definitely comfortable, just v. tight!

As long as you only have one child it’s great.

It’s wonderful that you help them, please don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. As long as your son is grateful, and you aren’t depriving yourselves unduly, I think it’s a loving thing to do - ultimately it’s a way of giving your grandchildren a better quality of life and allowing them to have nice experiences and make happy memories whilst growing up. Little gifts help so much in the moment and take stress away from the parents. They’re lucky to have you :)

None of her business . I am doing similar , help my adult son 22 who has a job in any way I can . I’m paying his student debt for example ,just because I can and want to.

We are 55, just retiring and will be starting to spend and drip feed our monies away to young adult DC very soon. Watching PIL’s very many hundreds of thousands go on care home fees and IHT, after giving their four GC £25 for 21st birthdays etc, I would rather my DC made use of it and I’ll take my chances in older age.

I would do excatly the same if I was able to

You don’t need to struggle for money to understand the value or appreciating you are in a good position but still need to be sensible

I don’t want da to struggle with money it’s absolutely miserable what is the lesson in that

you would be absolutely fine about it like a normal person.

some people on here shitting themselves to doom over every single ha'penny.

mother of the grandkids, don't give her a farthing! mindbogglingly