How to deal with people who have these views

But they didn't ask about the make or model?!

This reminds me of a male neighbour who regularly tried to engage me in a game of oneupmanship which I never signed up for. He's also a misogynistic twat. I'd always politely batted off his intrusive questions. One day he turned up with a newer car and was strutting up and down beside it like a bloody peacock when I stepped outside.

"I've got a new car", I smiled and nodded.
"It's younger than yours."
"So it is."
"What mileage has yours done?
"75k."
"Ha 75, mine's only done 30k"
I'd had enough of this bollocks.
"Mmmm. But mine's Japanese and yours isn't. And mine has an i-VTEC engine, which yours doesn't. My car will comfortably do 150k whereas yours, well ... you'll be lucky if it's still running at 75k."
Then I went about my day. He hasn't bothered me since!

I know just the kind of people OP means. The poster who said this:

People asking questions about why my path in one thing led to another isn’t something that bothers me, I quite like talking about my career journey

doesn't really get what it's like trying to talk to people like this. They're not asking in an interested / curious way (the smirking is important here, I can just picture it). If you give a thoughtful answer about what led to a career change, they're not going to respectfully say "oh that's interesting, tell me more about X" It's just going to lead to another snidey attempt at a gotcha question, while they roll their eyes and snigger at their companions as if to say "are you hearing what she's going on about?" Awful people.

Yawn, how dull they are. They're doing it so that they can rank themselves above you to feel better about themselves. So tedious. I wouldn't waste time thinking about them OP. It's what 5 year old do.

Only me internally.

and then everyone clapped?

Just get yourself a load of answers that aren't answers. They'll soon get fed up.

what year is your car??? "No idea"

How much was it??? "Can't remember"

What mileage??? "Why ever would you be interested in that kind of detail?"

Lets see a photo! "Do I look like the sort of person who goes around with a photo of my car? Why are you interested in all this boring stuff"

Sounds like you're suffering from an excess of politeness @Sunshiiiiiiiine

People like this tend to be very egocentric too, I notice. Had the displeasure of encountering one recently at a rather special occasion.

Quietly avoiding as far as possible is the way to go and being conversationally as slippery as an eel is the way to go, I think. Turn the conversation back towards them, they'll love that, and make your excuses for the loo / another piece of cake / check the kids after 3 minutes

But the key here is developing a thick hide and not caring about disconcerting them ("oh why would I buy a car I didn't want?" Is a good one)

If you manage to develop the thick hide please let me know how you did it btw

I had this last week with a family member and if I'm honest, I think it's at least partly because she's just not very bright.

She argued with me that neither my son or me are neurodivergent. Even though we both are. Diagnosed by professionals. She'll quite happily harp on about my strange behaviour as a young child - extreme anxiety, especially in new places or situations, rigidity around foods and drinks, meltdowns when I was forced to do something that was new to me - and call it "spoiled brat" behaviour.

She also told me that my repeated suicide attempts and self harm as a teenager/young adult were because "things didn't go my way" (referring to a relationship ending and a uni course not working out). Absolutely not possible that my mental health was in absolute tatters from years of masking undiagnosed AuDHD.

Truthfully, she only knows my son on a very superficial level but feels completely confident in dismissing pretty much everything an educational psychologist said about him in a report.

In my younger years, I'd probably have wasted energy arguing with her and trying to make her see my POV. I was quite proud of myself last week though as I just nodded along and let her talk utter shite before changing the subject at the first opportunity. As someone wiser than me once said, you can't reason with stupid.

OP, I understand frustration over a lack of imagination. I saw a news clip the other day about a woman who's married a ghost. Now she's got imagination. Can you send your frustrating friends and family round to her for a masterclass in how to expand your repertoire. Marrying a ghost could indeed be the path to blissful peace and harmony.

Yes. It’s insecurity in themselves.

Honestly? I think they’re just horrible people or there is something about your interactions that make them want to be horrible to you. It not your problem, it’s theirs.

I deal with people like this using one of two methods, sometimes both in tandem.

A) Stay away from people like this.
B) Not giving a fuck about what other people think.

That wasn’t what I was expecting you to say, but I think if you are immersed in a field like medicine with a very set path you can be clueless about how other careers work, I guess. Were they all privately educated same schools/same unis? We have it on one side of the extended family where no one has set foot in state school, and everyone thinks we are incredibly weird/mad that our kids go to the local comp. I think if you are totally immersed in one lifestyle it can be impossible to imagine any others you’ve not experienced (like not having generational wealth, BOMAD, etc)

I just do my own thing and don’t worry about people saying stuff - apart from DH but we are aligned on things anyway. I don’t overshare though with anyone so I don’t really get into these conversations. Perhaps you share too much and that invites a conversation about it?

Re the car comment I’d just say “I’m happy with it” and move on. Wedding stuff Id only tell my partner anyway. I wouldn’t tell people about my second job - it invites smirkers. Re your first degree “yeah it worked out well actually, I’m really happy with the path I took”. If they come back with “I would never have…” just smile and say “well I guess we are all different John”.

I went to uni at 28, ten years after most people, worked abroad with my kids, countries that some people don’t seem to like that much, learnt a language that’s pretty hard for native English speakers - they can only hold you back if you let them!

I’ve definitely experienced this, I do think it’s a lack of imagination/curiosity/intelligence a lot of the time. Many people also hate change and hate it even more when they realise other people have changed and they haven’t and feel left behind, so they judge and attempt to belittle rather than face up to having been passive passengers in their own lives

I honestly can't be bothered to feel anything about it. When I was doing my masters, every time I mention the subject people would disappointingly say "oh, so it's quite vocational" as if it was somehow substandard. But then I have my bachelors in fine art and philosophy - not vocational at all - and got "oh, but what are you going to do after graduation". You can't please everybody, nor should you. I just smile and nod and go about my life.

It can be because they know things don't always pan out as expected and, like in the post above where the man did music but works in sales, certain degrees you do because you love them, like English, or Music, are thought less likely to lead to a job, so maybe some of them are just ready to agree life isn't always as expected?
Also, the idea of a graduate easily able to have a good job in one field for life is no longer accepted as a given.
And for working class people, they might be jealous they didn't get the opportunities, so smirking might cover resentment that if you were a woman/working class last century, you wouldn't (easily) have the opportunities to follow anything but a set path.
(I know several older members of my family said being born in a council house just meant you were very unlikely to get the freedom to do things people your age, especially men from richer families could do).

People get married in the way that is meaningful to them and which they can afford, I had a work colleague who went out in her lunch time and got married at the local registry office. It was only later that day someone noticed she was wearing a wedding ring that we knew about it.

I wouldn't be polite at this point.... give it back as good as you get - is what i say.....

If you don't stand up for yourself.. well, no one will.

People like this drive me MAD.

To things like 'you HAVE to do xxx...'
I have started responding: 'says who?'
Which usually gets the 'well, its just what you do/everyone does' response.
To which I reply 'oh so its a made up rule then, so i can just do what I want!'
Tends to shut them up.

The car thing (and ive had similar) i shrug and go 'just didnt want to' which throws people as they expect you to start justifying it. If they keep going ive started slipping in a little 'you clearly care about this a lot more than I do!'.
Which is so rude but I think its rude to question people's choices, sooo

I did actually recently say 'not everyone's the same and isnt that one of the wonderful things about life, that we dont have to follow made up rules and make the same decisions!' To an annoying family member and they didnt quite know what to say to that and went quiet. So I'll be using that again.

Im quite happy being a weirdo, but I find making these people feel like they are being weird is a great way to shut up these rude people because they are horrified at the thought of being weird!

I think they’re just insecure as hell and have low self esteem. Having a dig at someone else momentarily makes them feel better. Can’t imagine feeling so bad about myself, it must be tough.