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AIBU?

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Original poster

colleague has overshared and is now embarrassed

260 replies

nearlyemptynes · 27/08/2026 13:49

A colleague at work has been very down and she confided in me the reasons why which are to do with her husband and relationship. My husband and I have been out with them socially and my DH guessed what the problem is. She asked me if he knew and i said yes and explained he had guessed. She is now fuming that I didn't keep her secret as she says it is not my secret to share. I did not knowingly share- mu husband guessed. She is being v difficult with me. AIBU to be annoyed with her.

OP posts:
nomas · 27/08/2026 15:10

It does sound suspicious. You probably dropped hints so your husband could ‘guess’ and you could talk about it.

Otherwise if you wanted to keep her secret, you would have just kept quiet with your husband.

Notonthestairs · 27/08/2026 15:09

ChocolateCinderToffee · 27/08/2026 15:07

If I tell a friend who is in a relationship anything, I assume they may tell their OH. If she wanted to be certain your husband wouldn't know, she shouldn't have told you. If her husband is gay and your husband guessed it, it's probably fairly obvious to him!

Why would they need to share your secrets?

It wouldn’t impact their relationship in the slightest.

NewFrock · 27/08/2026 15:08

It is unreasonable of her to expect you not to tell your husband, I would tell mine

I can't understand this at all. It's not her secret/confidence to tell. It doesn't affect her husband and it's not about him. It's not his business in any way.
I certainly wouldn't break the trust of a friend.

Lexingtonavenueandme · 27/08/2026 15:08

To be honest I don’t tell friends who tell their husbands everything any of my business anymore … if I wanted their husband to know I’d have told them.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 27/08/2026 15:07

If I tell a friend who is in a relationship anything, I assume they may tell their OH. If she wanted to be certain your husband wouldn't know, she shouldn't have told you. If her husband is gay and your husband guessed it, it's probably fairly obvious to him!

WalkCrescent · 27/08/2026 15:06

FeliciaFancybottom · 27/08/2026 14:45

Ludicrous. If a friend or family member tells you something in confidence, do you tell him anyway?
I am seriously judging the 'I tell my husband everything' posters.

Show quote history

Same. It’s embarrassing.

Megifer · 27/08/2026 15:06

I dont share friends secrets with my DP because I'm not 8 years old.

thistimelastweek · 27/08/2026 15:04

Gwenhwyfar · 27/08/2026 14:54

OMG. You've misunderstood the advice to not have secrets from your husband. It's about things that affect you or your relationship.
You can't share your friends' secrets!

Show quote history

I don't share secrets with my husband.
Not so much because I'm honourable, but because he can't be trusted to remember what's secret and what isn't

thicklysettled · 27/08/2026 15:03

FeliciaFancybottom · 27/08/2026 14:45

Ludicrous. If a friend or family member tells you something in confidence, do you tell him anyway?
I am seriously judging the 'I tell my husband everything' posters.

Show quote history

Completely agree. It'd be a massive breach of confidence to tell your husband something that a friend told you. When I talk about private things to friends, we all know that it's to be kept between us. None of us think it necessary to say, "Please don't tell Jim." It would never occur to me to tell him - and this has nothing to do with whether or not you consider your husband your "best friend."

purplecorkheart · 27/08/2026 15:01

You were wrong to confirm.

nam3c4ang3 · 27/08/2026 14:58

I mean - if its that obvious that your husband guessed... you shouldnt have confirmed it tho op.

OriginalSkang · 27/08/2026 14:57

If you confirmed then you are at fault 🤷

11AndCounting · 27/08/2026 14:56

Northernparent68 · 27/08/2026 14:52

You might as well tell us what the secret is

Colleague's H is gay.
OP - "Colleague and H are having some issues"
DH - "that he's gay?"
OP - "how did you know?"
DH - "its obvious"

Fin

Megifer · 27/08/2026 14:56

nearlyemptynes · 27/08/2026 14:48

ok so he knew she and her DH were having issues - he has met him and guessed what the issue is- yes i did confirm he was right. I shouldn't have done that I know. But TBH people on here have guessed and I haven't given any detail so...

Why on earth would you tell her he knew?

ExtraOnions · 27/08/2026 14:55

…another Gay Husband thread. Are people on MN just incredibly unlucky, or is it some strange kink ?

Dweetfidilove · 27/08/2026 14:55

Ah OP, you're in good company.
This is a place where almost no-one is capable of keeping a friend's confidence ☹️.
I wonder if your husband is her husband's lover 🤔. Probably explains how he just knew.

I can't abide people who just can't keep their gobs shut when trusted with other people's affairs.

Silvers11 · 27/08/2026 14:55

Northernparent68 · 27/08/2026 14:52

You might as well tell us what the secret is

It's already been guessed by posters above........

Gwenhwyfar · 27/08/2026 14:54

MissFancyDay · 27/08/2026 14:00

It is unreasonable of her to expect you not to tell your husband, I would tell mine.

However I would also lie and tell her you hadn't told him 🤷

OMG. You've misunderstood the advice to not have secrets from your husband. It's about things that affect you or your relationship.
You can't share your friends' secrets!

Northernparent68 · 27/08/2026 14:52

You might as well tell us what the secret is

Original poster
nearlyemptynes · 27/08/2026 14:48

ok so he knew she and her DH were having issues - he has met him and guessed what the issue is- yes i did confirm he was right. I shouldn't have done that I know. But TBH people on here have guessed and I haven't given any detail so...

OP posts:
Namechangewegovyjune26 · 27/08/2026 14:46

SewYellowLikeButter · 27/08/2026 14:43

It was in my vows never to keep juicy gossip from him. Sorry Sandra.

🤣🤣🤣

it’s ridiculous “I never keep secrets from my DH” but the question is why do they need to know 🤣

momtoboys · 27/08/2026 14:46

fumingrightnow1 · 27/08/2026 13:58

Come on he obviously didn't just guess

I think I have already guessed!

Namechangewegovyjune26 · 27/08/2026 14:45

why were you and your DH discussing their relationship, and why did he care enough to “guess”? Why did she ask you if your DH knew? All sounds very odd…

FeliciaFancybottom · 27/08/2026 14:45

MissFancyDay · 27/08/2026 14:35

Because we don't keep secrets from each other. Or lie by omission.

Show quote history

Ludicrous. If a friend or family member tells you something in confidence, do you tell him anyway?
I am seriously judging the 'I tell my husband everything' posters.

SewYellowLikeButter · 27/08/2026 14:43

It was in my vows never to keep juicy gossip from him. Sorry Sandra.