colleague has overshared and is now embarrassed

You sound like a fart and arsehole obsessed weirdo who doesn't understand basic concepts and loves slithering around hiding things from her husband.

I. Get. To. Decide. What. I. Tell. My. Husband. Not. You. And. Not. Anybody. Else.

There you go, simplified it for you. YW.

I hope you let all your friends know that! So they can decide if they want to tell you anything.

Yep!

Exactly, I’m friends with the woman, and often not close at all with her DH! I used to expect confidentiality as a given, but I’ve been burned and realise now the “I tell my husband everything” types are far more common than I thought.

Well I think you are unreasonable to describe this as a colleague oversharing. I imagine she thought she was confiding in you as a friend.

I don’t actually think it was particularly unreasonable to confirm to your husband when he guessed correctly, but I can’t imagine how you got onto the topic in the first place without it being a bit gossipy.

Yes, you could even say “she asked me not to say”

I am sure none of these ladies who are verbally incontinent when it comes to their husbands tell them that they have farted 8 times today or that their haemorrhoids are playing up. It's just the juicy gossip about their friends their husbands apparently need to know.

It's not lying by omission if you say "I'm not able to confirm or deny". It's crazy you would consider any form of information control "lying by omission".

No one has the right to come between husbands and wives

Your dramatic equating this to keeping a friend’s confidence is very strange indeed.

Whenever I get home from a catch up with someone my husband will ask for a debrief and vice versa. I've actually had him text me from the toilets being "guess who is getting a divorce"

People are so different. My husband will just ask me if I had a nice time.
I might ask him how his friend is. The thought of him texting from the toilet with juicy gossip is completely alien

Doesn’t matter if it’s a small or big secret, no one should ever expect someone to keep a secret from their significant other

Well not if it would directly affect them, obviously. But keeping someone else's, completely unrelated confidence is NOT keeping secrets.

To the people who share everything with their husband.
What if one of you worked somewhere where you're not allowed to divulge certain information

Dh works for a company where one of his colleagues was 'let go' for reasons I am unaware. Dh was part of the management team who had to deal with this.
I have passing acquaintance with this person. The reasons for his dismissal were considered serious enough to fire him. Dh hasn't told me why and I haven't asked him. The only thing I know is that it could have embarrassing consequences for other people, should the details become known within (or even without) the company.
Therefore, I would rather not know. If it did leak out, both dh and myself could very honestly say that he did not tell anyone, and I did not know.
It's not a matter of trust between us. It's a matter of being able to be absolutely honest with others should the shit hit the fan. Being honest is important to both of us.

You are not a single package - you are two individuals who choose to be in a relationship.

Are you genuinely saying that married couples can never work with in any job that requires confidentiality because they HAVE to tell each other everything?

Do you know how boring you must be if you go home and tell your DH what all your colleagues had for lunch, their new hairstyles, what they were wearing and what they told you they did on the weekend?
Why would your DH need to know about your colleagues mums health problems?

Or do you only share things that are personal, confidential, humiliating, shameful, distressing etc purely because you’re a bitchy gossip?

Loads of men are camp, doesn’t mean they’re gay.

Why not just agree with your DH that he seems camp but not disclose that your friend said anything to you.

The whole thing is weird.
Most secretly gay men are not camp.
Most colleagues wouldn’t divulge that they think their DH is gay to another colleague.
Your DH went out with this woman and her husband and decided in that short amount of time that he must be gay.
Then you immediately admit that it’s true.

Exactly this. They’re all trying to make out that they tell their partners ‘everything’. Of course they don’t. They don’t tell them the boring, mundane stuff. Just the juicy gossip.

Grubby secrets cause no end of hassles. Don't allow people to dump them on you and make it clear you will tell your husband if you want to - it's not your responsibility to lie to him by omission or feel uncomfortable and unable to confide him to keep someone else happy. Fuck that sideways

Is it lying by ommision if you dont tell every detail of a conversation you have had with your friend.
I didnt tell dh that my best friend had to take her dog to the vet on Wednesday morning. Should I have told him? If yes why?

If no, why is it ok to omit that but tell him something that she doesn't want discussed elsewhere because she is learning to process information herself first and need a friend to listen.

Should I have told him that her mum is coming round for lunch today and they might go to All bar one? Oh no! I lied by omission.

I probably would have told him about the dog to be fair if I had remembered as he is fond of the dog!.

So you have ignored all the actual questions and advice.

How did your DH know they were having issues?

Why does him guessing meaning you have to confirm it and then tell her?

Are you going to apologise for betraying her trust?

Exactly this. OP must have brought her colleague up in conversation to start with, and then given so many tidbits of information about her personal issue that it would have been easy for anyone to "guess", let alone someone who knows her.

Yes you betrayed her secret even if it was indirectly. Not surprised she's annoyed with you.

There were two confidences to be kept, by OP, 1. that the friend was having problems in her marriage, and 2. that her husband was gay. and it seems OP discussed the first and confirmed the second to OP husband after OP husband guessed..

I think the first secret would be less of an breach if all that was said ito husband is ' I'm going to lunch with my friend today ' because she wants to talk about some personal problems she's having . It is the second .breach when OP confirmed her friends husband's ' secret' to her DH. The fact that OP husband guessed was not a grant of a licence for OP to out friend's husband. I think outing a gay person who has not yet decided themselves to come out is a breach of trust OP's friend placed in OP

I understand your DH guessed, but you were obviously talking about it to him anyway.

Regarding other comments on this thread. You may be married but you are still an individual. I keep my friends secrets as they’re not mine to tell, and I would certainly think less of a partner who spilled their friends secrets to me.
It shows a lack of integrity.

Yes, I always find this disturbing when this topic comes up on here. You’re right, it’s just people giving themselves an excuse to gossip.

Keeping someone’s confidence is not keeping secrets from your husband/partner. It does not involve or impact them. Basically there are a bunch of excuses for gossiping on this thread.