colleague has overshared and is now embarrassed

So she told you they’re having relationship issues (that’s her ‘secret’, or an actual secret?), then you all went out, your husband said ‘looks like these two are a bit cold with each other, is their relationship on the rocks?’ And you said ‘yeah’.?

I know loads of couples that tell their partner everything. Ive met very few people that can keep a secret. Keep your distance for a while.

You could have just said my husband picked up on it without prompting.

If your husband guessed what the problem was, I am presuming you told him he was right. Anyone would do the same.

This is what white lies were invented for!!

"Does your husband know?"
"No"

OP clearly confirmed her husband's guess.

Because we don't keep secrets from each other. Or lie by omission.

I don't really understand what's happened here. Did you and your DH go out with her and her DH after she told you the issue? And then your DH just happened to mention to you "Beth's acting weird, do you reckon Gareth's cheating on her?" or "Luke's been a proper dick tonight, do you think he's that mean to Ceri at home?" or "Christ Paul stinks, how the hell does Nat put up with that? She must want to be as far away as possible from him". And you just stayed shtum? Or did you then go "well yeah, he's been shagging Sian from accounts" or "he's a narcissistic bully to her, she told me he..." or "Nat says he refuses to wear deodorant because of the chemicals apparently, he's gone very weird since he watched that documentary"

We don't know enough about the situation from your post to make a sound judgement.

Im quite surprised your DH just blurted out "is Jeans DH having an affair?" or whatever it is.

Aren't you wondering why he'd ask such an odd thing completely out the blue?

Is he secretly gay like most DH on mumsnet?
Plot twist, he's having an affair with your husband?

Did you confirm with your partner that he guessed right?

Of course you'd be unreasonable to be annoyed with her!

Well you’ve been gossiping about her between the two of you for him to have guessed, otherwise you wouldn’t have known that he had ‘guessed’ and presumably she asked you if he knew because of something he did/said the last time you all socialised. She sounds fairly bereft and thought she was talking to you in complete confidence. If you are the type to share everything with your partner then the best thing to do would be to divulge this before you let her confide in you. You’ve turned this around as her oversharing but it sounds more like she’s trusted someone with information that she shouldn’t have. Maybe she should have been more explicit that she didn’t want to be spoken about behind her back, maybe you should have been more explicit that you would talk about it with your partner. 50 of one, half a dozen of the other.

Unless it was something that had the potential to ruin a marriage I would tell my husband. We tell each other everything pretty much, and my best friends know that. (Though they do know that if they specifically asked me not to tell him about something I would honour it).

However, YABU to be annoyed with her. She’s pissed off that you’ve blabbed because she obviously thought you would keep it to yourself. It’s perfectly reasonable for her to mad with you. Just apologise.

If you confirmed his guess one way or another, then you were out of line. Why not just say "Not my place to say one way or another" and leave it be?

OP confirmed, which means she told him.

If someone comes to me and says "I think so and so is having an affair..." I'll reply "Really? I haven't heard of it, who knows? " and change topic. I would not say "well, since you 'guessed', let me tell you all about it..."

I tell DH everything. Was it something bad?

Why would you tell your husband?

Well I'm glad you said it 😂

Exactly how I understood it.

Her DH is gay?

How does she know what your husband thinks he knows? Did he then go on to directly speak to her about it?

If so that's overstepping. And if not it must've been because you told her. And I don't see why you would. She would obviously assume you told him if she didn't.

But just tell her again you promise you did not tell him. He guessed and neither of you meant to pry or upset her in any way. And that you'll both keep your noses out from now on. Unless she actually wants support.

Well she has been accused of telling her husband something which she did not do....so I'd be annoyed too.

YABU because you blabbed to your DH and when asked if you had blabbed, said yes.

You should have said nothing to your DH, or if you did tell, you should not have confirmed this to your friend. You are clearly incapable of keeping a secret secret.

But your husband did not know, he guessed.

Why does she not see that?

It shouldn’t have been up for discussion with your DH to guess! Why did you even tell her he knew?

It is unreasonable of her to expect you not to tell your husband, I would tell mine.

However I would also lie and tell her you hadn't told him 🤷