colleague has overshared and is now embarrassed

How on earth did he guess?Has he second sight?You must have been discussing it with him,which is breaking her trust. I don't blame her being angry.

Once again I never, ever allow anybody to use me as a dumping ground for their grubby secrets.

If someone does ask can you keep a secret I always say "I don't know". I don't know if I will be able to keep your secret till I know what it is. And I do NOT keep secrets from my husband to please other people.

Those who slither around hiding things from their husbands without thinking twice won't understand that mindset of course, being honest and open is foreign to their nature.

I might not tell my husband something and, despite the attempts to strawman, at no point ever said I tell him everything or feel compelled to do so.

I might not choose to tell him something IF it is something that doesn't affect him and IF it doesn't cause me any angst to not tell him, or IF it is something I do not want to tell him.

I make that choice, not you, not anybody else.

Because I am not a doormat or a moron, I do not agree to being coercively controlled by anyone else into keeping grubby secrets because it suits the secretive person who flapped their gums when they should not have.

So always, with no exceptions, ask if people are willing to hold your secrets before vomiting them onto decent people. And always, without exception, assume your secret will be shared once you start blabbing about it.

Grubby secrets cause no end of hassles, and I do not allow people to coercively compel me to take part in their creepy, deceptive behaviour.

I choose, and only I choose, what to tell my husband.

It is absolutely never anybody's responsibility to lie to their husband by omission or hold their tongue just because you've flapped your gums and are now panicking you'll be caught out in some behaviour you shouldn't have indulged in - whether that is gossiping or anything else.

The standard benchmark is that normal people share whatever they like with their husband. If you aren't normal in that respect, that's a you problem.

Nobody is compelled to be silent because you were stupid enough to open your trap.

and if you think it's normal to automatically hide things from your husband because someone instructed you to do so, your relationship is shit, and doomed.

So, I will make the choice of what I tell my husband. You get no say in that. This is the normal, ethical stance.

Therefore, in future, if you want your behaviour (gossip, or anything else) to remain hidden, ask first before vomiting your overshare onto other people and do not simply assume others are as sly and unethical as you and will be happy to keep secrets on your behalf.

YW :)

(Cue frothing, screeching and ranting, and logical fallacies from strawmen to ad hominem abuse - which I will once again completely ignore :))

Once again I never, ever allow anybody to use me as a dumping ground for their grubby secrets.

If someone does ask can you keep a secret I always say "I don't know". I don't know if I will be able to keep your secret till I know what it is. And I do NOT keep secrets from my husband to please other people.

Those who slither around hiding things from their husbands without thinking twice won't understand that mindset of course, being honest and open is foreign to their nature.

I might not tell my husband something and, despite the attempts to strawman, at no point ever said I tell him everything or feel compelled to do so.

I might not choose to tell him something IF it is something that doesn't affect him and IF it doesn't cause me any angst to not tell him, or IF it is something I do not want to tell him.

I make that choice, not you, not anybody else.

Because I am not a doormat or a moron, I do not agree to being coercively controlled by anyone else into keeping grubby secrets because it suits the secretive person who flapped their gums when they should not have.

So always, with no exceptions, ask if people are willing to hold your secrets before vomiting them onto decent people. And always, without exception, assume your secret will be shared once you start blabbing about it.

Grubby secrets cause no end of hassles, and I do not allow people to coercively compel me to take part in their creepy, deceptive behaviour.

I choose, and only I choose, what to tell my husband.

It is absolutely never anybody's responsibility to lie to their husband by omission or hold their tongue just because you've flapped your gums and are now panicking you'll be caught out in some behaviour you shouldn't have indulged in - whether that is gossiping or anything else.

The standard benchmark is that normal people share whatever they like with their husband. If you aren't normal in that respect, that's a you problem.

Nobody is compelled to be silent because you were stupid enough to open your trap.

and if you think it's normal to automatically hide things from your husband because someone instructed you to do so, your relationship is shit, and doomed.

So, I will make the choice of what I tell my husband. You get no say in that. This is the normal, ethical stance.

Therefore, in future, if you want your behaviour (gossip, or anything else) to remain hidden, ask first before vomiting your overshare onto other people and do not simply assume others are as sly and unethical as you and will be happy to keep secrets on your behalf.

YW :)

(Cue frothing, screeching and ranting, and logical fallacies from strawmen to ad hominem abuse - which I will once again completely ignore :))

Once again I never, ever allow anybody to use me as a dumping ground for their grubby secrets.

If someone does ask can you keep a secret I always say "I don't know". I don't know if I will be able to keep your secret till I know what it is. And I do NOT keep secrets from my husband to please other people.

Those who slither around hiding things from their husbands without thinking twice won't understand that mindset of course, being honest and open is foreign to their nature.

I might not tell my husband something and, despite the attempts to strawman, at no point ever said I tell him everything or feel compelled to do so.

I might not choose to tell him something IF it is something that doesn't affect him and IF it doesn't cause me any angst to not tell him, or IF it is something I do not want to tell him.

I make that choice, not you, not anybody else.

Because I am not a doormat or a moron, I do not agree to being coercively controlled by anyone else into keeping grubby secrets because it suits the secretive person who flapped their gums when they should not have.

So always, with no exceptions, ask if people are willing to hold your secrets before vomiting them onto decent people. And always, without exception, assume your secret will be shared once you start blabbing about it.

Grubby secrets cause no end of hassles, and I do not allow people to coercively compel me to take part in their creepy, deceptive behaviour.

I choose, and only I choose, what to tell my husband.

It is absolutely never anybody's responsibility to lie to their husband by omission or hold their tongue just because you've flapped your gums and are now panicking you'll be caught out in some behaviour you shouldn't have indulged in - whether that is gossiping or anything else.

The standard benchmark is that normal people share whatever they like with their husband. If you aren't normal in that respect, that's a you problem.

Nobody is compelled to be silent because you were stupid enough to open your trap.

and if you think it's normal to automatically hide things from your husband because someone instructed you to do so, your relationship is shit, and doomed.

So, I will make the choice of what I tell my husband. You get no say in that. This is the normal, ethical stance.

Therefore, in future, if you want your behaviour (gossip, or anything else) to remain hidden, ask first before vomiting your overshare onto other people and do not simply assume others are as sly and unethical as you and will be happy to keep secrets on your behalf.

YW :)

(Cue frothing, screeching and ranting, and logical fallacies from strawmen to ad hominem abuse - which I will once again completely ignore :))

Once again I never, ever allow anybody to use me as a dumping ground for their grubby secrets.

If someone does ask can you keep a secret I always say "I don't know". I don't know if I will be able to keep your secret till I know what it is. And I do NOT keep secrets from my husband to please other people.

Those who slither around hiding things from their husbands without thinking twice won't understand that mindset of course, being honest and open is foreign to their nature.

I might not tell my husband something and, despite the attempts to strawman, at no point ever said I tell him everything or feel compelled to do so.

I might not choose to tell him something IF it is something that doesn't affect him and IF it doesn't cause me any angst to not tell him, or IF it is something I do not want to tell him.

I make that choice, not you, not anybody else.

Because I am not a doormat or a moron, I do not agree to being coercively controlled by anyone else into keeping grubby secrets because it suits the secretive person who flapped their gums when they should not have.

So always, with no exceptions, ask if people are willing to hold your secrets before vomiting them onto decent people. And always, without exception, assume your secret will be shared once you start blabbing about it.

Grubby secrets cause no end of hassles, and I do not allow people to coercively compel me to take part in their creepy, deceptive behaviour.

I choose, and only I choose, what to tell my husband.

It is absolutely never anybody's responsibility to lie to their husband by omission or hold their tongue just because you've flapped your gums and are now panicking you'll be caught out in some behaviour you shouldn't have indulged in - whether that is gossiping or anything else.

The standard benchmark is that normal people share whatever they like with their husband. If you aren't normal in that respect, that's a you problem.

Nobody is compelled to be silent because you were stupid enough to open your trap.

and if you think it's normal to automatically hide things from your husband because someone instructed you to do so, your relationship is shit, and doomed.

So, I will make the choice of what I tell my husband. You get no say in that. This is the normal, ethical stance.

Therefore, in future, if you want your behaviour (gossip, or anything else) to remain hidden, ask first before vomiting your overshare onto other people and do not simply assume others are as sly and unethical as you and will be happy to keep secrets on your behalf.

YW :)

(Cue frothing, screeching and ranting, and logical fallacies from strawmen to ad hominem abuse - which I will once again completely ignore :))

You don’t sound like the sort of person people tell their secrets to anyway to be honest 😳. You’re hardly dripping in kindness and empathy.

Don't demand people keep your grubby secrets, behave better and you won't have to stress out so much about people finding out what you do. And if you want someone to keep your grubby secret, ask first, don't just flap your gums and then shriek when they don't comply with your demand.

It's just not that complicated. It's not your choice whether someone tells their husband anything at all and it's not your place to demand that. Ask. First.

I get that honesty and being straightforward is a new concept to some of the more slithery commenters on the thread. But tough shit, it's not your place to decide what other people tell their husbands.

Women who don't slither around hiding things from their husbands just because it suits you are in the majority, yes.

It's not your decision what other people tell their husbands. Stop flapping your gums and then demanding people carry your grubby secrets for you. Ask first, always. I don't keep grubby secrets for grubby people.

If you want someone to keep your grubby secrets don't flap your gums first - ask them "Will you keep a secret?" I will then answer - maybe, maybe not, depends. And at that point you can shut up or roll the dice. It is just not that complicated.

I decide what to tell my husband. Not you.

It's not up to you what I tell my husband. It's not up to you what other people tell their husbands. Just because you have an unhealthy relationship where you hide things from your husband doesn't mean anyone else has to do so, to please you.

Live with it.

Another one here who tells husband everything. Unless it would hurt his feelings
so you dont tell your dh everything, you are selective.
However it is ok to hurt your friends feelings by gossiping about her, even if your husband doesn't need to know.

You sound like a fart and arsehole obsessed weirdo who doesn't understand basic concepts and loves slithering around hiding things from her husband.

I. Get. To. Decide. What. I. Tell. My. Husband. Not. You. And. Not. Anybody. Else.

There you go, simplified it for you. YW.

Another one here who tells husband everything. Unless it would hurt his feelings. That’s what relationships are about - you are a single package?

No one has the right to come between husbands and wives

Your dramatic equating this to keeping a friend’s confidence is very strange indeed.

Exactly, I’m friends with the woman, and often not close at all with her DH! I used to expect confidentiality as a given, but I’ve been burned and realise now the “I tell my husband everything” types are far more common than I thought.

I hope you let all your friends know that! So they can decide if they want to tell you anything.