Friend’s reaction to my pregnancy news

Some people (and groups) can only connect over misery and problems. You say they were supportive when you were struggling, so maybe they are that kind of group. Do they celebrate each other's happy news? Or is it more about shared suffering?

I have a group that helped me a lot when I was having a very hard time, and now things are better I feel they don't care or engage that much.

I know one of these op.

She is a one upper. You've been to Tenerife, she's been to Elevenerife. She went through a stage of referring everything back to her being a mother. (That's not at you, it's just one of the many things she did) She knows I had problems concieving and she rubbed it in anyway possible.
Did the same with a friend who's ex had left her in a massive debt, kept going on about how much money she had saved and what her dad was giving her.

Did the same to another friend who had broken up with her partner and sent her a picture of herself with her new partner all loved up, saying you'll have this one day.

I sound jealous but I'm not. I'm such a cheerleader for my friends but I can't stand braggarts.
Unfortunately she is a work colleague who I have to see occasionally but I've kept her as much at arm's length as I possibly can. She has calmed down a bit which has made her more bearable at least, for now.

Congratulations on your pregnancy! I know the heartache it brings and I am genuinely so happy for you op. :-)

I find it curious you’re being so horrible about the one person who actually was nice to you about it, and acknowledged it, and just merely annoyed with the rest of have utterly ignored it. I know which I think is the greater sin

i wonder if it’s easier for you to blame her than it is to accept she’s behaved the best and the rest of the group haven’t even bothered to comment, because it tells you something you don’t want to acknowledge

I don't think she did anything wrong but the others should have also acknowledged your news as well as commiserating with her. It doesn't have to be either or. Both things can exist at once.

Congratulations! 🎈🎉🎈
A baby boy--how wonderful! 👶💙🌞
I am very, very happy for you! 👏👏💖

Great advice

I've suffered through IVF And repeated miscarriage/pregnancy loss. I know the pain all too well.

However, that doesn't excuse you ignoring your friends message about her hospitalisation? Especially as this is the one friend who did go out her way to congratulate you, even though it sounds like she's got a lot on.

I think it's really important for those of us pregnant with our miracle babies to remember that nobody else will ever be quite as excited etc as we are. It's totally normal.

I can only presume that the news she shared must have been very serious to have warranted reactions only to that, and none to your pregnancy after.

Also, sometimes people find it very difficult to know what to say when someone is pregnant following loss. I personally have always found it very uncomfortable hearing congratulations. It is also socially difficult to congratulate someone in the same space as someone else's news.

Personally, I would have shared pregnancy news via phone calls or individual text messages. It seems that the social dynamic of a group chat is problematic for the vast majority of people. If you truly consider these people to be friends I would consider messaging them one to one to let them know something such as your due date, or to float the idea of a baby shower etc etc. Youll likely find a much different response one to one.

Your friend who has had a bad time and always supported you during your infertility has been hospitalised and you just ignore it? She didn’t ignore your news she congratulated you! Yes she went on to talk about a different topic but she still acknowledged you.

Find new friends.

Dont flounce or call them out again.

Be courteous, but move on.

You’re not losing anything. They aren’t your friends

They sound like pretty shitty friends tbh, I cannot imagine not congratulating one of my friends on a pregnancy (or even someone I know only in passing, it's just what you do).

That’s the trouble with WhatsApp groups, so easy for news to be overshadowed and I find sometimes you put something up and someone replies immediately with news of their own - e.g. my sick cat !

I’d say she is in the wrong alongside the other friends. The OP said this friend always has some latest tale of woe. It’s telling that she didn’t feel the need to unburden herself in the chat until the time OP shared her happy news. She also didn’t have the insight or grace to see what had happened following her input and bring it back to the OP. She may not have set out to steal her thunder, and I’m not doubting she had a shit week, but she’s a self-centred person. I think most people would hold off on bad or any other kind of news and let that person have their moment, and space for others to congratulate them, rather than making the chat about themselves straight away, so she is wrong for doing that.

I’m really surprised by the responses on here.

The majority agree with OP that this friend is the one in the wrong but she’s the only one who bothered to even acknowledge the pregnancy.

Her only crime was then saying what a bad week she had, which is nothing compared to the fact the other friends never even acknowledged OPs messages twice!

It's so strange.

Exactly. And yet she's the one being held up as a shit friend.

Congratulations on OP!

I think your other friends are worse for not even acknowledging your pregnancy...although maybe they didn't see your comment about it because of said friends long rambling about her bad week??

She was the one who congratulated you. She told you your news had cheered her after a terrible week. Perhaps she should not have gone into all the reasons, but maybe she genuinely has had a really rough, scary week and was venting to her group of mates.
It may appear to be selfish, but perhaps more clumsy - people do not always do these things with intent. I'd be thinking about the rest of the friends who did not congratulate you on your news as well as focusing on her. People may not always understand the stress of the journey you've been on.
Big congratulations by the way.

Congratulations on your pregnancy.
A hospital admission sounds pretty serious. Your friend can be happy for you and need support for herself at the same time. It may be good that you realise now that your pregnancy and baby won't trump everything else. Although I do think the others should have acknowledged the pregnancy as well as what your friend is going through. That's on them, not the friend who congratulated you and said how happy she was with your news.

Lovely news, congratulations! I would feel let down by my friendship group if this happened to me - especially after calling them out and still no apologies /congratulations. It’s just poor behaviour, not what friends who know your struggles would do. Very upsetting.

Send another text.
‘Is anyone going to congratulate me!?’

And them! I might say sorry to hear you've been in hospital Amy, but I would acknowledge OP too. They're all equally at fault.

Huge congratulations OP!!!! So delighted for you as a fellow IVF mum.

Your friends sound like they have zero emotional intelligence - you don't have to have suffered infertility yourself nor be a parent to understand what a congratulatory moment this is. They should be totally embarrassed of themselves.

Well done for calling them out on it and all the best for your pregnancy and parenthood x

At least she actually congratulated the OP.
She just also said about her news too.

What if she was pregnant and she decided to admit it after OP shared her news - would that also not have been ok.

The other friends didn’t even bother acknowledging the OP.
I would be way more pissed off at them then the woman who actually said congratulations and how happy she was etc

Of course they didn't! How hollow does "Oh sorry, congratulations of course" sound after they've been told off?

We haven't been told what the 'bad week' was.
This year, on my birthday, a friend posted on our group chat about some terrible news. Nobody wished me a happy birthday as this was very early in the morning. I wasn't upset. I was concerned for my friend.

This news was concerning enough for the other friends to comfort her. Yet the OP didn't.