Maintenance and extra's

Autistic child.

Oh I love this suggestion on mumsnet like everyone is capable of the same intelligence.

I would just use the calculator to work out how much you should pay. I have my children 95% of the time. We worked maintenance out using the calculator. He does not contribute to any other additional costs. Makes it easier I guess, as I know where I stand.

£36,000 is quite a low salary. Why don’t you up your skills and try to get a higher paying job?

If the mum gets PIP that means she is disabled or has a health condition which has a serious impact on her life.

That will make it much harder for her to work and to look after the children.

The conversation needs to not be about money and paying extras but actually can she cope, and maybe you should do more practical

If her total household income is significantly more than your net income, then just pay her the CMS calculator sum for the 55:45 split of caring responsibilities. That sum is based on the assumption that the parent with the majority of care will be providing shoes and clothing and scholl trips etc. her benefits are for her other expenditure

You can still treat the children to extras when they stay with you, so they won't be missing out

What's your ex's total month income compared to your net income?
I think it's reasonable for you to pay what the CMS calculator states given she qualifies for UC, gets CB,and PIP on top and these are tax free sums. Is she working pRy time as well..Are you able to ask her what she gets per month in total, especially now the CB 2 child cap has been lifted?

. I don't think she should expect more than that CMS amount if her income and your net income are roughly the same . If your income is significantly more then I think paying for extras is a nice thing to do if you can.

I'd give her the choice of 2 Options 50/50 time with the children no CM with still paying 50/50 with extras or current child arrangements just CM no extras. Ultimately if you can't afford extras then you can't afford the extras.

I’d be interested to know the specifics of the situation, how much additional support 3 young adults with additional needs require? It’s not a walk in the park in my experience, and I’m needed to be around a great deal to attend meetings, provide lifts, pick up the pieces and prevent burnout. If you as Dad are genuinely doing nearly half of this then absolutely pose the question re maintenance. If you’re just covering evenings on your ‘days’ and mum is on call all day, then I’d not rock the boat. My long term prospects and pension are all significantly affected while I’m reliant on benefits to bridge the gap that my children’s father should be, while he’s off all over the country and abroad running his own business and renovating his home.

If the maintenance is based on 45% time, then surely you should be responsible for 45% of extra costs? So a bit less, but not much less.

If i was you, I'd tell your ex that you are struggling, and offer to increase the maintence a bit every month, instead of contributing to the extra costs in big uncontrollable chunks. OR offer to take full responsibility for your share - e.g. you'll do shoes, sports kit and dental, and do the shopping around to keep the costs down yourself.

Surely whether she works or not isn’t relevant to the 50/50 split of extras either, but you specifically included that she didn’t work several times without stating she was disabled and her partner needed to be her carer. It feels quite purposeful to mention one without the other.

There's a new rule come in for FSM. Anybody on UC is entitled to FSM for their kids now.

They’re not as they’re also paying 50:50 on the extra costs. CMS would not require that

I’ll also add I’m also disabled. I manage to work but just a little not enough to really be classed as a proper job so I do get pip too.

I’m a single parent to 3 kids. 2 have additional needs. I get dla for one, My ex pays me £100 less then you pay your ex and I manage fine. If your ex is on uc and your kids get FSM then she should get some money off for some school trips like I do. I manage on the money I get from uc and maintenance with three kids so don’t see how your ex wouldn’t. You also have your kids a lot more mine does every other weekend and sometimes has them for a week once a year but not always. Talk to your ex. I can’t see how she wouldn’t be able to live with what you give her to be honest she will be getting the disabled child element from uc as well as carers allowance which is another £83 a week. Unless she has huge bills I don’t see how she can’t make that work. I’d gladly take the extra help of my ex having his kids more even without thy extra £100

Sorry but this is very unusual. I have checked your figures on cms calculator and you are correct.

Is it that your ex is very unwell?

@ConflictedDad were you her ‘carer’ too when you were together?
As in you had to take a lot of the admin, appointments etc…. when you were together too?

It just doesnt seem quite right when I have read over OPs post. I mean the kids live with mum so I wouldn't expect OP to do appointments giving what he's "alleging". (Single parent too but even Im wondering!).