AIBU? DH and family holiday

I would have called the in laws by now and spelt out exactly how this was impacting my health, the financial pressure and you simply can not afford it, and the children being left at Christmas, their grandchildren by the way, and the fact you won't manage due to your illness to look after them adequately - I would spell it all to them very calmly and clearly that this could well now signal the end of the marriage and the break down of the family, and leave it with them to consider in their own time.

It is unbelievable to me that they would even put you/their son and gc in this position for a random birthday. I would not be willing to be a doormat for others, coerced and forced to agree to something so intrinsically wrong. My second call would be to bil and my last one to the solicitor. You shouldn't accept this shoddy, disgusting treatment op.

Still might be a relief for him being set free..Even more so if she chose it. No guilt

He’s going on and on about the holiday because he’s hoping you’ll take the guilt away. You’ll say he’s being silly of course he should go. You’ll say the kids will be so happy at Christmas they won’t miss dad. You’ll tell him to go and have fun with his family. Send him off with your blessing. You aren’t doing that so he’s going on and on about it because he wants to go but knows he shouldn’t.

can you make plans to go to your family for Christmas? He’s going to go on that holiday.

She said earlier 4,7,9

Sounds like you just don’t like each other any more. Maybe now is the time to break up.

From his perspective: you only took him back because you can’t look after yourself or the children you say. He works to support you because you can’t work. So he works, is a carer and does everything for the kids. It must be hard for you, but my god it must be hard for him too. You arent really in a relationship you just tolerate him because he looks after you. Presumably if his dad is just turning 60 he is young himself. What sort of life is he living? Are you saying endometriosis means you will never go on holiday again?

it’s one thing caring for someone who you love and who loves you. This is not that.

sigh

Jeez. No way my partner would even consider going. Your H is a selfish man who is showing you what he and his family actually think of you. I’m really sorry op.

' Apparently his brother even said what about if dad doesn’t make it until his 70th. '

What if he doesn't make it to his 65th

is this going to be trotted out for every single next big birthday 65 / 70 / 80 and so on

Is he retiring this year ? if it's such a big birthday for his family.

That's horrible OP that he's got his brother in his ear saying stupid things like that.

It's clear that they're both as bad as each other, and that you'll be so much happier once you're no longer a part of that kind of toxic selfishness.

My husband wouldn’t want to be away from his family that long especially at Christmas. And when I say “his family” I mean our children and I so luckily this wouldn’t be an issue for us.

If it wasn’t at Christmas I would encourage him to go, with or without us, mainly incase he regrets not going one day. However, I don’t have your health issues. He wouldn’t leave me like that and I wouldn’t leave him either.

That's not fair. He came back because she needed him when they tried to separate, she says this further up.

How old are the children

Absolutely selfish. I’d be done too.

That would probably be a relief for him. No I'll wife or kids to deal with. Hence he could do as he wished

Op I’m sorry but your husband is a selfish prick. His bags would be waiting for him on the doorstep at his return.

Honestly OP, it would be horrendous if you were 100% fit & healthy, but given you're not fit & healthy, it takes the whole situation to a whole new level imo?

A H who is happy to leave his wife & kids over Xmas when he know full well that you physically cannot manage alone normally?

So he's not going to concern himself with how you're going to shop/cook/decorate etc for Xmas, cos he'll be sunning himself on a fucking beach???
He couldn't care less that he's going to miss seeing his own bloody children Xmas Eve or Xmas Day either!

Just scum. Pure selfishness and zero concern for either you or his own DC.

I cannot get my head round it tbh. I couldn't even share a bed with a man who's sole consideration is himself, particularly at Xmas...

I'm not surprised you're done.

His brother and Dad have been calling him asking what he was going to do about the holiday.

OP They’ve already booked it! DH is adding himself on. But I am done this is the end for me.

The in laws didn't arrange a family get together . They booked their own holiday.

A parent doing a few days away for a hobby is probably good for mental health and is fine, but a week over Christmas, leaving the kids and leaving a sick wife to run it, is a really shitty thing to do. I don't think you should ever have given him permission, though. Occasionally, I may try things to test the waters. He took that to an extreme. I sometimes process what I hear before what I see, until I reflect so could be out of the country at yes. Has he shelled out money? If not stop it now, withdraw that permission.

They’ve encouraged him to join the holiday as has the sibling.

I think it's also fair to notice how the time of year is an after thought for the OP. She isn't bothered that he is going at Christmas, she's bothered that she can't cope by herself at any time so why is he going at all.

So the enjoy life all year is a great mantra, but I guess this thread would of happened any time of the year