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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU? DH and family holiday

333 replies

Mrshermitt · 27/08/2026 11:41

FIL birthday this year and theyve planned a family holiday abroad but it’s 1.5k each and at Christmas time. I am unwell so I can’t go anyway and we can’t afford to spend money like that now I’m not working. We have 3 kids so looking at 7.5k for all of us.

DH desperately wants to go and I’ve just said go because I’m sick of hearing about it. I can barely manage taking care of myself some days but somehow I have to figure out with the kids.He’s going for 7 days and coming back on Boxing Day.

Can I ask would your husband do to this to you and your family or even consider it? Especially at that time of the year too?

OP posts:
Nugg · 29/08/2026 00:02

i’m not being funny, but if my in-laws wanted to plan their birthdays abroad at Christmas time, I would expect them to bloody pay for their children and grandchildren to go! Maybe that’s entitled I don’t give a toss. They are guaranteed to have more disposable income, I would imagine than their offspring

2chocolateoranges · 29/08/2026 00:00

Dh wouldn’t even consider not being with our children over Christmas.

personally I’d be using the time that he is away to sort myself out and to make sure that I don’t need him for anything before ending the relationship . I don’t want to be in a relationship with a selfish man,

Beenwhereyouareagain · 28/08/2026 23:33

FookFookFook · 27/08/2026 11:48

I think it depends on your illness sorry. Time with parents is precious too. They aren’t around forever. If you are seriously ill my answer would be different.

"Time with parents is precious too."

You're right. It is. How will his children feel that their father willingly missed Christmas with them. They'll never forget that they weren't a priority for him, that he chose a 7-day Caribbean Christmas with his parents rather than BEING a caring parent and husband.

FHS, it's Christmas, he has 3 young children, and his wife has been ill and unable to work for months!! He's an absolutely selfish jerk and tbf, his parents don't come out of this looking good, either.

nowimabeliever · 28/08/2026 23:11

My husband wouldn’t do this but he hasn’t had a holiday with his parents since he was a teenager – they’re not close. Can your husband take at least one of the children?

AffableApple · 28/08/2026 22:27

FookFookFook · 27/08/2026 11:48

I think it depends on your illness sorry. Time with parents is precious too. They aren’t around forever. If you are seriously ill my answer would be different.

I can barely manage taking care of myself some days but somehow I have to figure out with the kids

It's August and she knows she's going to be ill in December. I think that's ill enough for a clearly very selfish man who has goaded her into saying yes, not to swan off on a holiday they can't afford. And leave his kids at Christmas, and the whole run-up to it... for a holiday?! A prince.

croydon15 · 28/08/2026 22:15

Your selfish DH cannot go and leave you and your DC, they are too young to look after themselves and you are unwell plus there's the money aspect. Perhaps some of the money could be spent on seeing a consultant privately to help you finding help/solution to your medical problem.

Does he expect while he's enjoying his holiday that Christmas should be cancelled for the children, totally bu, tell him he's not going and will make Christmas happen for his children and help you.
Think of what you can organise when feeling better to leave him but in the meantime someone needs to look after the children so make sure he does.
Wishing you well in the future.

FlowerFail · 28/08/2026 21:49

Mine would go, but he doesn’t care about me at all.

HereWeGo1234 · 28/08/2026 21:23

Assuming he goes away, have you anyone that will help you?

Wolfpa · 28/08/2026 21:22

It sounds as if you are one of the many couples living together but the relationship is long gone. You have said that the only reason you are with him is because you need someone to look after you.

families spend Christmas apart all of the time. You have already told him to go so you can’t hold it against him now. Would you prefer if he took the children with him to take the pressure off yourself or would you prefer the pressure and Christmas together?

you still have some choices here

Timeforachange26 · 28/08/2026 21:22

ThreadGuardDog · 28/08/2026 20:19

If it’s enough to stop OP from working and prevent her from going on the holiday then I think it’s safe to say it’s significant. And that he’s a selfish arse.

Show quote history

She managed a holiday a couple of months ago

Timeforachange26 · 28/08/2026 21:21

KarenNextDoor · 28/08/2026 11:24

Yes my H would have done this but thankfully hes now my ExH. These selfish men 🤦🏻‍♀️ awful

Surely he's not that selfish. He's moved back in with her and is caring for her and the kids and financially supporting them all despite the fact she obviously can't stand him.

pollyglot · 28/08/2026 21:03

Give him a gift for Christmas on his return. An empty house.

whyyyyyisitmonddayy · 28/08/2026 21:01

it sounds like he’s your carer?
he deserves a week off with his family. You sound jealous.

TheSunnySwan · 28/08/2026 20:57

The marriage would be over

Drivingmissrangey · 28/08/2026 20:57

There is no where in the Caribbean I would consider staying for £1.5k per person at that time of year (or any time for that matter). That is dirt cheap for a Caribbean holiday in peak season.

FookFookFook · 28/08/2026 20:43

ThreadGuardDog · 28/08/2026 20:19

If it’s enough to stop OP from working and prevent her from going on the holiday then I think it’s safe to say it’s significant. And that he’s a selfish arse.

Show quote history

Given other information she has drip fed on the thread I disagree.

ThreadGuardDog · 28/08/2026 20:19

FookFookFook · 27/08/2026 11:48

I think it depends on your illness sorry. Time with parents is precious too. They aren’t around forever. If you are seriously ill my answer would be different.

If it’s enough to stop OP from working and prevent her from going on the holiday then I think it’s safe to say it’s significant. And that he’s a selfish arse.

BlueFahrenheit · 28/08/2026 20:18

No, my husband would not entertain the idea.

springtome · 28/08/2026 20:17

Legolaslady · 28/08/2026 20:05

Could he not take the kids? Give you a break?

for Christmas Day? You seriously think any parent would see missing Christmas with their kids as a break?

HollyhocksandPeons · 28/08/2026 20:15

Your husband is awful, I am sorry. I think I would have forgiven a shag with someone else, but not this. This is cruelty.

HettyMeg · 28/08/2026 20:11

Frillysweetpea · 28/08/2026 19:06

Not only is your DH a knob but so are your PIL. They absolutely should not be facilitating him effing off and abandoning you with the kids at Christmas, even if you were fighting fit. Unless you are a high earning couple I also don't understand in what world PILs think it is ok to plan a holiday that costs you £7.5K. The only time my parents asked us to join them on holiday they paid for it. If they had wanted us to come and needed us to contribute I know time, place and budget would have been negotiated, not imposed.

I agree. Why would PIL think this is acceptable? What's the reason behind the holiday and why does it have to be so expensive and over Christmas? It's not really a "family holiday" if their DIL and grandkids can't go. Regardless of their motivations though your DH should not even have considered going if you couldn't all go.

Legolaslady · 28/08/2026 20:05

Could he not take the kids? Give you a break?

Anonyanonay · 28/08/2026 19:55

StressedOutPeanut · 27/08/2026 11:48

So he's fucking off for a hoilday over christmas while his 3 kids and unwell wife stay at home? Thats grounds for divorce.

This.

springtome · 28/08/2026 19:52

My DH nor I would go. Either we all go or non of us go and under no circumstances would we be apart at Christmas or away from our children. His parents are totally selfish even asking this.

Ethelrogers · 28/08/2026 19:43

My in laws would never stand for it in the first place.