AIBU to think friend’s question was fair?

How??
Because she was questioning their religious practice and observance based on their behaviour. That's judgemental. Do you (and she) not know that vast vast numbers of Muslims don't observe every tenet of the religion but still call themselves Muslims? The word 'practicing' in relation to religion has a context and meaning that doesn't translate easily to islam at all and really should be avoided.

Lots of people consider themselves culturally insert religion here even if they don’t practise because that religion is so entwined with their lifestyle and identity. Jews and Mormons for instance. i don’t see why that is any different for many people especially if from majority Muslim countries.

you didn’t claim that it was not allowed in islam to do those things, your claim was they wouldn’t do it in a muslim country so that makes them not muslim. that’s not the same claim at all.

And what's all this 'identify as' bollocks? It reminds me of the weirdos who identify as a cat. 🤣 You're either a Muslim or you're not.

You can't ignore all the things that define something and expect to be viewed as that thing. Somebody who 'identifies as vegan' but eats steak is not a vegan. They're simply somebody that identifies as a vegan and the identifying is solely in their head.

So she was wrong? Muslims are allowed to eat pork/drink alcohol?

No, you're not quite correct and that's a ridiculous analogy.
A person shouldn't proclaim when they don't know. It's condescending and rude.

No the equivalent would be asking whether you had premarital sex or used birth control.

Doesn't mean they think they're not Muslim. You might think they're not, other Muslims might not think they are, but they do.

And?

There are quite a few fully intact males that think they're women. Believing something doesn't make it true.

Why do you need to be 'an authority' on that faith to know they don't eat pork or drink alcohol?

Next you'll be saying only a zoologist can know that elephants have trunks. 😆

Further:

No, a person does not have to abstain from alcohol to be considered a Muslim.
While the consumption of alcohol is strictly forbidden (haram) in mainstream Islamic law, drinking it does not automatically remove someone from the fold of Islam.

The theological distinction rests on the following points:
Sin vs. Disbelief

• A Major Sin (Kabirah): Drinking alcohol is viewed as a major, grave sin. A Muslim who drinks is considered a "sinful Muslim" (fasiq) rather than a non-Muslim (kafir).
• The Line of Disbelief (Kufr): A person only leaves Islam if they explicitly deny that alcohol is forbidden, effectively rejecting the divine laws of the Quran. If a person drinks but freely acknowledges that what they are doing is wrong, they remain a Muslim.

Why isn't it?

Are you in a position to make such proclamations? Unless you are well educated and an authority in that faith I don't think you can judge. 🤔

"What language do you speak?"

"I'm a satanist"

🤣

I wouldn't have asked the question myself as the reality is pretty obvious. However, the men's indignation is a bit silly. Somebody claiming to be vegan and then getting butthurt about people being surpised they eat steak is pretty much an equivalency.

It seems weird that they mentioned their religion when they were asked what language they speak. If someone asked a British person what language they speak, would they feel the need to say they are Christian/Catholic/Athiest ?

What your friend did there is called a microaggression
It was inappropriate and rude

correct about the alcohol. still none of your business.

It's an invasive judgy question yes.

He said he was Muslim so I’d automatically assume practicing. I think her question was rude and unnecessary.

i can’t understand why they were defensive. in the current political climate and the rampant islamophobia in the press and on social media etc, there could be a really unpleasant end to that topic of conversation. of course it’s possible your friend didn’t mean it that way, but they don’t know her to know that it’s a safe topic.

It's not 'her definition of Muslim'. Drinking alcohol is haram and strictly forbidden. It's like somebody eating a steak and saying "oh, it's my way of being a vegan".

He got angry because her question pointed out his hypocrisy. I was raised catholic but I do not practice so I never say “I am catholic” I say I was raised as catholic. So whatever rules I’m breaking I’m
not being hypocritical because I no longer attend church etc .
What I find bizarre is I don’t see Catholicism as an identity so I wouldn’t label myself as such but Muslims do . Yanbu he needs to get over himself. Maybe people of other faiths also see their faith as identity even if they don’t obey the rules of the religion

But why is it your business that you feel the need to question them about?

How do you know they're not practising? I knew a Muslim who prayed several times a day, spoke about his faith for hours on end and recited the Quran. He also enjoyed a Jack Daniels. So what? Let him practice what he feels he needs to practice and let other people practice the way they want to.

Seems a fair enough question to me. If someone told me they were a Muslim,but was drinking alcohol,I'd think they were obviously not devout.