Aibu to think perfect work life balance isn't possible.

I think I've got a pretty good balance. My job is full time, but remote and very flexible, so I can go to sports day, watch school football matches etc and just work around them as needed. I enjoy my job, get paid fairly well, rarely feel overworked or that I need to work evenings/weekends.
There are things we do that mean we spend less of our free time on chores - shopping gets delivered, we have a cleaner who comes once a week. Washing it done throughout the week (machine goes on first thing, washing gets hung on the line at lunch time - by me or DH as he also works at home some of the week).

Yes, it's less "having it all" and more "doing it all". I didn't do it all because it would have been too much for me. Just focused on career and enough money for future retirement.

That wasn't true for me.

I have the perfect work life balance by working part time. I don't think its possible working full time.

I think something always has to give. For me, I have taken a full time flexible job that works around my daughter. Its not what I want to do forever but it gives us a decent life.
Now my daughter is 13, I have roped her into doing more chores so its not constantly all on me to fit in all the housework. That's made a big difference to me & she appreciates the extra pocket money.

I have somehow wangled mine to be pretty much spot on.
Remote working
3 days per week
Office day in the city one day a month
Live by the sea
Dogs, no kids
I think the having no kids is the thing that has made it possible and I can appreciate that's not for everyone.

I think you might be looking for a job where you're valued and engaged but don't do stupid hours, they do exist. If you could find a hybrid or remote role like that would it help?

It sort of is sort of possible IME but with some big, big caveats!

Your dh has to pull his weight with all the child stuff, house stuff, life admin etc, that makes a huge difference.

The more senior you get at work the easier it gets in a way because you are paid for what you deliver, not presenteeism so it becomes easier to leave early, go to parents evening, WFH etc

If your job gives you enough money to outsource stuff, you do it. I've always had a cleaner and paid for after school nannies or after school clubs. Shopping was all online with either cleaners or nannies putting it away. All bills were and are paid by dd. So time at home really was time with children and DH, not doing chores.

With friends, I kept in touch with my friends when my children were small with long phone calls and Zoom meetings.

I think when you've got smaller kids it's hard to keep up with a relationship and a job and friends but as they get older they tend to spend more time with their own friends and you get more time back.

I've pretty much always had senior, well paid jobs and rarely worked beyond a 9-5.30 day. But as I said above, it's because it was about delivery, not presenteeism.

Rather than trying to attain (and inevitably fail) to ‘have it all’ - I aim for “everyone fed and no one dead” on a day to day basis. Lower expectations means a much greater chance of not being disappointed and actually being happy or at least content in the moment.
another cliche incoming but true - but now is really all we have, yesterday was borrowed and tomorrow is not promised to pauper or millionaire.

I'd say I do. I enjoy my job and I work 9-1 in accounts but it doesn't pay well so we rely on DH's salary. If I wanted a FT salary then balance would be out the window with an expensive breakfast club and after-school care bill.

Totally agree. Always feel like I’m failing in one or more areas.

It’s a message that was sold to women - you can have it all.
I don’t think that’s possible - you have to pick and choose between what you want, what you need and what you are willing to put up with. Compromise and be willing to change things as life inevitably changes.

I think if one does find it, it tends to be fleeting because circumstances change to shift it again. What works when you're 30 won't necessarily be ideal at 40, for example