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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be frustrated by my husband interrupting me while I work from home?

106 replies

Messydesks · 27/08/2026 09:21

Am taking a quick coffee break as have been working since 8.

I am just feeling frustrated as DH is off this week but kind of mooching around the house with the teens. The teens know to leave me in peace when I am working but DH is constantly popping his head round the door to tell me some random thought hes had or ask me some random question

My work involves periods of intense focus (hence the coffee break!) and it really stresses me out to be interrupted. I have tried telling him so many times. I don't get why he can't respect it

Just want to hear from both people WFh /people at home while their spouses WFH about how to handle this

Nb I don't mind them being noisy in the house etc. I shut the study door and I am good at zoning out from background noise

OP posts:
Tomfooleries · 27/08/2026 10:32

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 27/08/2026 10:27

Well, I guess, but (for me anyway) there’s a big difference between having a partner who’s unavailable because they’re out at work all day and them being unavailable but in the room next door or upstairs.

Homes aren’t workplaces and I think the people who WFH often don’t remember that.

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Yeah, but isn’t that predicated on you being a SAHP? (In which case surely the home is your workplace, even if it’s unpaid work?) I WFH sometimes, but regardless of whether I’m on campus or at home, whether DH is WFH or not makes no difference to me because I’m focused on my stuff.

RoseField1 · 27/08/2026 10:31

My DH would never do this. It's totally disrespectful. He will send me a text if he needs to and knows I will see it when I have time.

moderate · 27/08/2026 10:30

Ask him to install a lock on your office door.

Subsequently whenever he interrupts you, stonewall him except for “you haven’t installed that lock yet”.

Namechangewegovyjune26 · 27/08/2026 10:30

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 27/08/2026 10:27

Well, I guess, but (for me anyway) there’s a big difference between having a partner who’s unavailable because they’re out at work all day and them being unavailable but in the room next door or upstairs.

Homes aren’t workplaces and I think the people who WFH often don’t remember that.

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Why? Can’t you just pretend they are not there? It’s surely nice that they don’t have to factor in 2 hours travel time and can log off and help with dinner or whatever.

Namechangewegovyjune26 · 27/08/2026 10:28

If you’ve told him many times not to interrupt you and he won’t listen then you have bigger issues…

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 27/08/2026 10:27

Tomfooleries · 27/08/2026 10:24

But doesn’t that depend on what your ‘normal’ is?

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Well, I guess, but (for me anyway) there’s a big difference between having a partner who’s unavailable because they’re out at work all day and them being unavailable but in the room next door or upstairs.

Homes aren’t workplaces and I think the people who WFH often don’t remember that.

Tomfooleries · 27/08/2026 10:26

magicalsummereve · 27/08/2026 10:21

My feelings or the WFH? Maybe it does but I can’t help that! All I know is that having someone in the house all the time but never speaking to me or acknowledging me or helping me is miserable and I know logically it’s unfair as u wouldn’t expect it if he was in the office but it is how I honestly feel.

Your feelings. It sounds like you experience your husband working from home as a kind of rejection.

Tomfooleries · 27/08/2026 10:24

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 27/08/2026 10:21

I know what she means. Homes aren’t workplaces and it does change the dynamic when you have a partner at home who has to be locked away on their own for hours while you carry on as normal around them.

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But doesn’t that depend on what your ‘normal’ is?

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 27/08/2026 10:24

magicalsummereve · 27/08/2026 10:21

My feelings or the WFH? Maybe it does but I can’t help that! All I know is that having someone in the house all the time but never speaking to me or acknowledging me or helping me is miserable and I know logically it’s unfair as u wouldn’t expect it if he was in the office but it is how I honestly feel.

I get you - I don’t think it’s extreme at all.

Joliloily · 27/08/2026 10:23

Get a lock for the door.

magicalsummereve · 27/08/2026 10:21

My feelings or the WFH? Maybe it does but I can’t help that! All I know is that having someone in the house all the time but never speaking to me or acknowledging me or helping me is miserable and I know logically it’s unfair as u wouldn’t expect it if he was in the office but it is how I honestly feel.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 27/08/2026 10:21

Tomfooleries · 27/08/2026 10:20

That seems incredibly extreme.

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I know what she means. Homes aren’t workplaces and it does change the dynamic when you have a partner at home who has to be locked away on their own for hours while you carry on as normal around them.

ThatBreezyScroller · 27/08/2026 10:21

Tell him to fuck off!

Even my DC know not to disturb me when I’ve had to WFH in the past.

I do think the fact that you’d only been at work less than 1 and 1/2 hours and were already having a coffee break suggests that you may do this a couple of times a day and so he perhaps assumes you’re not that busy and can take breaks when you want type thing.

You need to be very clear that when you’re in the office with the door closed you cannot be disturbed.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 27/08/2026 10:20

Lock the door.

Tomfooleries · 27/08/2026 10:20

magicalsummereve · 27/08/2026 10:03

I know and my husband doesn’t either. But it has still massively altered everything in ways that are quite difficult to explain. It’s made me feel invisible and unimportant, and is also strangely suffocating. It’s just really unpleasant and I can only really try to explain what I’ve personally found.

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That seems incredibly extreme.

BMW58 · 27/08/2026 10:18

If you don't want to be disturbed why don't you tape a piece of paper to the door saying

"DO NOT DISTURB UNLESS DIRE EMERGENCY"

If he STILL interrupts go nuts at him.

magicalsummereve · 27/08/2026 10:03

Disturbia81 · 27/08/2026 09:54

But she’s not asking him to be quiet or stop doing what he wants to do around the house. It’s to stop coming in and talking to her.

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I know and my husband doesn’t either. But it has still massively altered everything in ways that are quite difficult to explain. It’s made me feel invisible and unimportant, and is also strangely suffocating. It’s just really unpleasant and I can only really try to explain what I’ve personally found.

SunnyRedSnail · 27/08/2026 09:58

@Messydesks shut the door and put a "do not disturb" sign on it.

stackhead · 27/08/2026 09:56

Office door closed = piss off

Office door open = ok to come and chat

Even my 1 year old knows the difference.

PacificState · 27/08/2026 09:55

My DP is a bit like this — he just needs more chat than I do — but he totally respects a closed door. If yours doesn’t, practically I’d say you need a lock (get a bolt or something from B&Q?) and, perhaps, a giant ‘Do not disturb’ sign.

Disturbia81 · 27/08/2026 09:54

magicalsummereve · 27/08/2026 09:44

No, he’s an adult and he should know better, for sure,

With that being said, I do have a slightly more sympathetic outlook than I think most of the comments here will have. I have found my husbands working from home extremely challenging. It was OK when it was a couple of days a week, but now it is all the time and if I am honest had I known this at the start of the relationship and how I would feel about it, I don’t know if I’d have committed myself.

I don’t really have the answers here as of course you’re not unreasonable but I also do have some sympathy for the one on the other side.

But she’s not asking him to be quiet or stop doing what he wants to do around the house. It’s to stop coming in and talking to her.

Tomfooleries · 27/08/2026 09:53

Just say ‘Don’t come anywhere near me unless the house is on fire.’ Repeat as necessary.

Savvysix1984 · 27/08/2026 09:52

My dh does a hands on job so has never wfh. He starts earlier in the day so finishes earlier. I’m still working when he comes home and even now he will start come and give me a kiss, start telling me about his day, asking about the dc, talking about dinner etc.
i tell him I’m working and then later tell him that it’s disrespectful and that I wouldn’t expect him to drop everything in his work day to have a non important convo with me. He still doesn’t get it….so I feel your pain!

Bims2019 · 27/08/2026 09:52

Mine does this too, drives me to literal distraction. Even if he's working from home too, if he's not on a call he will just come to my office for a chat... But I'm usually busy with something, then I lose my concentration and have to find my focus all over again! If my door is shut then he is less likely to come in, but has still been known to interrupt to ask an unnecessary question and I have to tell him to go away. Very annoying.

Shinyandnew1 · 27/08/2026 09:50

Tell him if the study door is shut, don’t come in unless it’s an emergency. If he doesn’t understand that, I would be asking him if he has any learning difficulties meaning he can’t understand that.