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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to want to alternate Christmases after having our first baby?

109 replies

Xmas2026dilemma · 27/08/2026 07:53

I know it’s only August but we ended up having an argument about this last night, so id like other views.

Mine and DH’s families both live 5 hours away in opposite directions. Normally we alternate each year between going to DM’s and my IL’s. DB and SIL live abroad and also alternate between having DM and SILs parents to stay, and coming home the year we are with DM so we are all together.

This year we’ll have our DD, who will be 10 months for her first Christmas. First grandchild on both sides (and only, unless we have more kids).

DH is adamant that now we have DC, we should stay home every year for Xmas with an open invite to family to visit us. We have space to host dinner but not for everyone to stay, so they will have to stay in a nearby hotel.

He feels that as we have the baby, other people should make the journey, and that he doesn’t want to spend our annual leave traipsing across the country when we should be relaxing.

The challenge is that his parents are difficult characters, and my DM has said she particularly doesn’t like his FIL (not many people do). We are not close but see them once or twice a year including alternate Christmases to keep the peace.

I’m not keen on staying home every year for the following reasons:

  • his parents would inevitably come every year, and I like having the break every other year
  • The year my DM spends with me would be miserable for her because she’d have to stay alone in a hotel then spend the rest of the time with people she doesn’t like
  • It essentially means an end to christmases with my DB and SIL - DD’s aunt and uncle. Understandably SIL wants to see her family at Xmas too (they are not far from my DM) so they wouldn’t travel here.
  • When at DM’s I normally see all my aunts, uncles, cousins (who have young children too) on Boxing Day. I would miss this and also don’t want my DD to miss out on that, especially as she will have no cousins of her own.

I had no idea DH would feel this strongly. My preference would be to have one year at home with IL’s visiting us, the next year going to DM’s and seeing my wider family as usual.

YABU - DH is right, now you have DC you need to cut down the travel and start creating your own Xmas at home

YANBU - it’s ok to still want to do Christmas at your DM’s, even if it means a long journey. You should alternate as a compromise.

OP posts:
Owninterpreter · 27/08/2026 08:09

I definitely think whatever the compromise is, you shouldnt be hosting your in laws every year at the expense of your mum (and indeed your chance to see DB).

The obvious compromise is the one you suggested.

The next would be alternating families at home and accepting you dont see db which is a bit of a shame for you all.

Hankunamatata · 27/08/2026 08:04

Compromise? Stay home when inlaws turn and go to your mums her turn

I used ti take extra leave and travel to my parent early then husband would join Christmas eve then we would all travel home togther.

Also perhaps you could agree to travel now until dc is 4 when they start to know what Christmas is about

museumum · 27/08/2026 08:04

We see my parents and sibling one year and ILs the other year but whether we host or visit changes depending on lots of things so it’s not decided till about October.

AnOldCynic · 27/08/2026 08:02

BlueFlowerySky · 27/08/2026 07:58

Can you stay at home when it’s the IL’s turns? So they travel to you every other year and you travel to your mum’s every other year?

If you read the OP’s post she actually says this is what she wants…

MsSquiz · 27/08/2026 08:01

I agree with Sirzy. 3 year rotation.
you might also find that as your child gets older, travelling around for Christmas isn’t that fun and you’ll want to do your own thing at home where she’ll have her presents to play with and enjoy less hassle

LiveLaughGoblin · 27/08/2026 08:01

We alternate the choice of what to do between the two of us, rather than specifying what we actually do.

So in ‘my year’ I could choose between seeing my family, staying home as a nuclear family (with zero invites to anyone), or something else. And on DP’s year he usually wants us to travel to see his family. Seems fair to me!

BlueFlowerySky · 27/08/2026 07:58

Can you stay at home when it’s the IL’s turns? So they travel to you every other year and you travel to your mum’s every other year?

EppingIsFun · 27/08/2026 07:58

Neither of you is unreasonable, you just want different things. Have you sat down and explained to him just why it is so important to you to still visit your parents I.e. seeing all your extended family?

Sirzy · 27/08/2026 07:55

Could you do it as a 3 year rotation? One year at each family and one at home (with or without the open invite side!)