AIBU to avoid birthday visitors and ask for gifts in advance?

Yeah like why is this even an issue? Send a copy and paste text to everyone who asks telling them you have plans on the birthday but they can visit on X or Y day/time. Why the angst? 😆

It seems a bit cold and ‘can’t be arsed’ to me to just drop off a gift, but that’s how we’re all different. I would assume that many of the birthday visitors think they’re doing the polite thing by visiting, so although it’s not your preference, i think you’re wrongly judging them for it. But no need to be stuck at home all day just in case visitors come, just invite them to a little birthday get together at a time convenient for you and serve cake and coffee, presents can be handed over then.

Some people prefer to have fun inside their house. It depends on their child and maybe also their budget. We are all different!

I was obsessed with cake and books as a child. Lol. A day in with cake and visitors bringing me books as presents would’ve been bliss to me as a pre-teen.

And I don’t think anyone is staying in and cancelling outside bday plans , because of relatives wanting to visit.

It’s absolutely fine to prioritise going out if that’s what you want do and it would be silly to stay in if you didn’t want to. No one is saying that you should. Surely this is just common sense.

Why can't you invite some of these family members to the fun activities instead of sitting around on the sofa?

tea and cake at 5pm all welcome
or
for a change if it’s a weekend birthdays I might suggest bacon sandwiches and coffee at 11am
if people are too busy to see
me on their birthdays or make any effort I just put a card in the post.
there are some family members who like to announce they will be out all day , in other words I am too busy to receive your card and present , I just stop presents completely.
you can’t have your cake and eat it OP

I don’t get your logic tbh op.

It’s no problem whatsoever to go out for the day on for your kid’s birthday. It’s no problem to tell friends and relatives you’re going out for the day and they can come round at another time.

If seeing these well wishers and receiving the gifts is such an inconvenience and tiresome experience then tell them so - and none of you will have to bother in future!

Talk about ingratitude and taking people for granted!

Well most people might think it’s thoughtful to visit and see the birthday person on their birthday - and that personal interaction is far more value than any card or gift

if you what to go out just do so but to be annoyed that people want to celebrate your special day with you is strange

Give them a time slot the next day?! FFS!

If you’re busy, tell the family in advance you won’t be free. Suggest cake at another time. They might be quite happy not to come. Many people see it as a family duty to see their relative for their birthday at some point. It’s quite usual to have family around at special occasions.

Wow, this is really grabby and distasteful. It doesn’t need to be on their birthday, they can gift the next time they see the person. When it’s suitable. But in no circumstances is it acceptable to say could you send a gift but we don’t want to waste time seeing you

and encouraging your own children to be just as grabby and laugh at people is so horrible.

You’re rude. Why wouldn’t family want to see their relative for their birthday. It doesn’t stop the birthday girl/boy doing anything. If someone can’t set aside an hour or two that week at some point to see family then they shouldn’t be receiving presents anyway.

Our relatives don’t live near enough to pop round on the day so that hasn’t been a problem. If they did I would tell them when is a convenient time to visit and have them all come in the same hour or two

Rude. If you're like this IRL I'm surprised anyone wants to see you and bring gifts anyway.

Would you rather your child was surrounded by people who care about them and want to spend time with them when it’s their birthday or just transfer money without giving it a second thought?

For children it’s good to know they are surrounded by people who care!

Just tell them you'll be busy on the day but you'll be doing cake and presents either day before or next day ( at whatever time suits you) if they want to come along and join in, have some tea and birthday cake. Don't offer more than that, then it's up to them to manage their expectations.

Please don't do this. We have stopped giving presents to our great nephew as his parents restrict visits so much that we have only met him three times in two years since he was born and don't feel like we have any relationship with any of them anymore.

Would you mention to the family members that you would appreciate them being a little more organised in future so that you aren’t then trying to coordinate visitors on special occasions?

No, you can't say that to them! You're coming across as very odd, they'll certainly think you're odd, rude and greedy.

Arrange a time that friends and family can visit for tea and cake so they can see the birthday person and give them their gift, lots of people like to see the gift being opened. Strange that you don't realise that people would like to spend some time with those they care about and celebrate their birthday with them in some small way.

You want to give people time slots in the hope they feel uncomfortable and organise themselves better?!

It is standard to see people and give gifts on their birthday, not unorganised, and you want to actually make people who care enough to want to buy gifts and see your child feel uncomfortable? This is no way to conduct relationships, surely you know that already.

You and your children sound like absolute jerks. Entitled and grabby ones at that.

With my eldest child we actually used to laugh about her paternal grandparents desire to only give presents once they were in your company.
Hilarious (not). Totally not understandable why people would want to give a gift in person. It's not like seeing a person's, especially a child's, happy face is one of the best parts of giving someone a gift.

When I say laugh, we found it a little annoying but didn’t get out of bed over it.
You've made a thread about it so yes you are.

But we did kind of agree that some people only want to gift give if they benefit from seeing someone open that gift.
Who are "we"? Why did this obvious fact need agreement from "you"? Why wasn't it obvious to you in the first place? Why does the topic of gift giving take up so much space in your household? Is your religion Giftism?

The eldest eventually became no contact with them and there was never a card or gift sent (even when the eldest was still technically a child and there hadn’t been a big fall out)
Child or not, this is what happens when you decide to go NO CONTACT with someone! You lose contact with them! That includes receiving cards and gifts from them! You can't tell me you seriously think a person that decides a grandparent isn't worth talking to or acknowledge expects cards and gifts from the very same grandparents. This is what I'm talking about when I said you and your children are jerks. You enable this grabbiness as you are just as perplexed as your child about the concept of "no contact".

Why is your child even no contact with their grandparents? You said there was no big fallout, so why the no contact?

Now, I have a younger child (about to turn 10) and I find myself with more people in my life like this.
Sounds to me like people might be getting sick of you and children's entitled and grabby ways. I don't blame them.

These people are kind and I know they don’t mean to be a pain but they all want to see my child on or very close to their birthday and as children get older they don’t want to sit in the house accepting guests for hours on end (one of these people has a tendency to over stay) do they?
Oh...mygod. "Hey Plebs, don't want to see ya, don't want you at my house, don't want to "entertain" you, don't want anything to do with you, in fact. But send gifts. You better make sure they're delivered to my doorstep by X date, too".

You lot truly are unbelievable. I'm surprised anyone wants to see you or give you anything.

Would you just accept that your child will need to spend a portion of their birthday at home in order to receive gifts from some family members?
I'd question where my parenting went wrong to raise children like these. But they clearly get their mentality from you. All you're worried about is what you need to do to extract gifts from people in your life. Wondering about what "horrors" you need to force your kids to do to ensure they get gifts from people. I've never seen someone so obsessed with gifts. You know how in cartoons characters get dollar signs in their eyes? You get gift signs in yours.

My uncle was in the army. Sometimes we didn't see him for 2 years and he'd then bring all the presents we'd missed.
We used to love that. It was a bit like a mini Christmas!