AIBU to avoid birthday visitors and ask for gifts in advance?

Your children don’t have to receive visitors. But they should also be okay with no gifts from those people.
To expect gifts when you don’t even want to see that person is very entitled in my view.

Also why did your eldest go NC as a child with grandparents for ‘not a big fall out’?

You have my sympathy OP.

It must be a pain in the arse all these people with their gifts and good wishes turning up and expecting you to open them and say "thank you". As for the fucker that overstays, I hope the gift is worth the struggle.

Who the fuck do they think they are?

You need to be assertive. You are obviously a decent person for allowing these people to give you gifts, so you need to ensure that the cheeky gift-giving fuckers know their place.

I suggest you put a large box on your doorstep with a big sign saying "Leave your gifts here and fuck off!"

I don’t need to see the person open the gift; I actually feel embarrassed being watched in that way, but I do want to be thanked for the gift and I find that my family members are Awful about that. Can you not arrange a pub lunch and have everyone come for that and bring cards/gifts?

Actually, I get it. I’d do what pp have said, message saying we’re doing cake between 3-5 then we’re off out to x. Solved, no sitting around for hours. If someone overstays, get up and say ‘We’re off now, I’ll get your coat’.

I saw an excellent cushion on Escape to the Country once. It has ‘Please leave by nine’ written on it! (Other times are available). Brilliant!

YABU unless it's a big family and you have to sit in all day while they pay a visit. PIL and SIL like to give presents when they see them. When they were younger we had a birthday tea with family, sometimes now that's after the actual birthday. I think it spreads out the enjoyment, and it is actually more effort and thought to wrap a present up and go and see someone.

This. With kids you surely have a party/get together, and relatives, friends, neighbours etc can pop in and say hi, and drop off the gifts etc during those 2 hours. Send out the invites for 4-6pm or so. Or if it's at the weekend, say 1-3pm... Get everyone there at the same time.

I know what you mean though @Hardyperennials about having people coming in and out all day, and having to entertain people on your birthday/your child's birthday. When it's my birthday (and DH is the same,) I tend to say we have something planned/we're away for several days, and ask people to pop around 2 days or so before, or 1-2 days after. (Sometimes we actually are doing something.)

It's my birthday, I want to spend it how I choose to, and not sit there waiting for people to turn up, not knowing when they're coming, and having to sit there entertaining them, chatting, making them coffee and tea, providing food, and smiling and nodding.

My brother and his wife used to be terrible for this. They would come around at a time of their choosing, and stay for about 4 hours, (with their 2 boisterous, and out of control sons!) all eating me out of house and home and drinking tea and coffee, and bring me a regifted Dove shower gel set and a box of maltesers. (They live abroad now so this no longer happens thankfully!)

It's MY birthday, I will spend it how I choose, and if this means not seeing people, and just spending it with DH, and going for a long walk, and a carvery at lunchtime, then coming home and watching a film in the afternoon, that is what I will do. I do not want to be entertaining others on my birthday.

If that makes me sound awkward/precious/hard work, then so be it. I'm too old to give a shit what people think of me.

.

In my family it’s nothing to do with seeing someone open their card or gift (couldn’t care less if they save it for later) but it’s to see that person and spend time with them. It’s just a nice thing to do.

As has been mentioned just say the birthday day doesn’t work as you’re busy but we’re home the next day between X and Y for tea and cake. Very normal in my experience.

This is exactly what we do, and I thought it was normal.

Family come over on the day, and we have either lunch or afternoon tea, or both, with presents and birthday cake. Dc enjoy seeing grandparents on the day, and any family who wants to come.

We almost always plan the party with friends for a different day so the real birthday can be chilled and family oriented.

Blimey. In answer to your question, I drop in cards/presents on the day because I love people.

TBF I don't stop and chat or accept offers of tea, unless I've been invited. TBH OP why not just NOT offer tea? They should get the message. Or just say "We have to leave at 3.30 <in ten minutes> for the bowling alley but thank you so much for dropping by!"

We just had them or gave them when it worked at the time, lately it seem people need a contract to see a newborn for the time now it's for receiving presents?

Agreed. Lucky that she has people who want to buy lresents

Just have a family party, not necessarily on the day, and separate to the birthday person's 'friend' party. No need to make it specifically about presents. If someone asks to see the birthday person outside that time, tell them truthfully if you're busy.

God are you my mum 😂?!

Shes the joke in our family for being odd like you are! Wouldn’t bother her if she never saw anyone open their present, and always drops it round 2 days before 🤷‍♀️

I suggest as it such a problem, OP dosent accept any gifts, easier all round.

this.

Not expecting a child (or anyone) to stay in all day on their birthday to "receive visitors" - fine
Tieing it in with expecting gifts, not fine
My remaining family is spread over the UK. One sib often is staying with me on my birthday but everything else comes by mail or courier and we text birthday wishes and thanks.

I voted YANBU because I've often felt as an adult that my birthday itself is about other people. "I'm popping over with your present but I've got a doctor's appointment at 11 then I'm volunteering in the afternoon so it will have to be at about lunch" "I know you're going out for dinner so we'll just make it a quick visit but we wanted to see you on your birthday"

Maintaining all the boundaries is a job in and of itself.

But I am an antisocial fucker.

I do think it's tricky to expect older children to sit in and receive visits from grandparents and aunts and uncles. If I were you I'd arrange special family birthday parties not on the day, but after the day - everyone round yours the Sunday after their birthday. Take the birthday boy/girl out for the day of their birthday, to trigger this new way of doing things, and then make it a tradition - because it IS lovely to see family around your birthday and for them to feel part of things. It is really nice. But hanging around on your actual birthday to please other people is not the point of a birthday imo.

Omg are people really so full of themselves these days?? No need to let everyone know how big and important you are that you are ‘extremely’ busy.

why can’t people say we’re out for the day, so please stop by on X day for a cake and catchup.

If you don't want gift opening in public the ONLY thing you can control is saying, 'No gifts.'

The only persons behaviour you can control is your own.

Look, if you want to make plans and take DC out - do it. Just tell the family you won’t be in during x-y times but that you will be back at a specific time when they can call around and have a bit of cake. It’s perfectly reasonable for family to want to see a child open their present - I think you are for some reason being a bit obstructive. You need to centre your child in this and I am sure seeing family and receiving presents is high in the list of their wants.

This is first class advice. The absolute cheek of people expecting to rock up when it suits them!

Maybe add a section where people can leave their gift receipts, so you can gauge the pecking order from what they have spent?

It doesn’t have to be their actual birthday. “We’re going out for x’s birthday but you’re very welcome to come for tea and cake the day/week after/before”. I don’t think there are households up and down the country sitting in waiting to receive guests on their birthday, they arrange a mutually convenient time.

Also gobsmacked your daughter has gone NC with grandparents because they like to see her and watch her open their gifts to her. You even say in your OP there’s been no real falling out.

“Hi everyone, we are extremely busy these next few days and will struggle to accommodate having multiple visitors on different days so we are having an open house on Saturday during 12pm and 3pm for anyone wishing to see X for their birthday. Please feel free to stop by for a slice of cake and a catch up!”

You’re welcome.

Don't get me wrong we used to love having people round for a birthday tea when I was a kid and when mine were little, but as the kids gets older they just want to be with their mates or have a grown up party somewhere else other than home etc. They might not even want to spend the day with you, but you don't have to tie any of it to the actual day, do you?

You sound like you've never heard of a party. Just tell everyone to come round in the afternoon. You could even have a cake!