DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

Could he be any clearer?

YOU are the house bitch and skivvy aupair.

Unbelievable that any woman thinks this is the point of her life.

He hasn't an ounce of respect for you?

Why?

Because he knows EXACTLY how he is behaving and you are accepting it.

You couldn't have any self respect and allow anyone treat you like this.

The more you write, the worse he sounds op. Please leave, you are worth more than this. What is your plan? Dont let him/his mum guilt you re step kids. Ultimately they are nothing to do with you

He really does just see you as a skivvy doesn't he.

Said as someone who has used the summer holidays to do the deeper occasional jobs that stack up during busy term times alongside plenty of leisure time.

Please, please end this "relationship" while you still have some self esteme left.

And it's scary that this manchild is a teacher with influence over young minds

I'm just coming on to here to advise you to listen to all this advice.
This man is a selfish bully. He's abusive and he's gaslighting and you need to get out of the situation, as soon as you can.

100%. Ditch this man baby, please op.

Stop TTC! The last thing you want is to be stuck with this guy. Honestly, things don't improve with time, they get worse. If it's not 100% perfect now it will be a car crash in 2 years time. Walk away now before you're stuck with him forever, and DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH HIM.

You’d be a complete fool to stay with and have children with this man, I’m sorry to say. He’s got absolutely no respect for you or your time, he doesn’t even seem to like you all that much honestly.

He considers you to be his ‘house bitch’ or he’d never have said that in response to you requesting he do a couple of very simple jobs (jobs my 4 year old helps with, with no complaints btw!). You deserve so, SO much better than someone who disrespects you and uses you as some sort of unpaid housekeeper and nanny.

Mocking your stammer is fucking vile, he’s a cunt. Don’t let him trap you with a baby.

On top of everything else, your mother in law sounds like a pain in the arse, one of his flying monkeys, just there to put doubt in your mind and make you feel bad for stepping out of the line.

Undoubtedly.

He’s a poster boy for the selfish, lazy, manipulative men children of the world. He ticks every box.

It’s amazing he found time to actually date the OP and hide his true self long enough that she agreed to marry him. Of course that’s why these types love bomb women: to speed up the process before she takes on the full load.

LTB. What an arse. Gaslighting & manipulation galore. A highway of redflags. Yuk of a human (you get the picture) LEAVE.

I am so sorry, he doesn't love you, he loves an easy life. Be very careful because if he realises you are waking up and about to leave he will try hard to get you pregnant to trap you. You deserve better.

If you genuinely have just typed that out without the penny dropping that you need to divorce this awful awful man, then please seek help. Nobody in my life has called me a bitch op, I wouldn’t tolerate it or spend a single second with anyone who did. Do you have any friends/family who can help you? Can you afford a solicitor?

Is he doing 50/50 to avoid child maintenance?

Jesus what a prick of a man. He’s immature selfish and lazy. Leave him now and don’t get pregnant ffs

House bitch?!!!!!! This is what he thinks you are…Please, please, leave. He is vile.

He's bullying you. What you are describing is a bully.

You can see from these responses op that everyone thinks he’s way more awful than you realise.
you can keep giving us anecdotes which confirm to us how awful he is.

but it’s all pointless ruminating on why he did what.

Your only question you need to answer is ‘is living like this making you happy’ ? If not, draw a line under this past decades decisions, divorce, and start again.

op, I’m single. I absolutely love it. I have no negativity in my head ever, no anxiety of why ‘he’ might do this or that. I’m just drinking my coffee in peace, mindlessly scrolling on mn. I’m going to walk to yoga soon, then work, then I’m meeting a friend for dinner.

being single is utter blissful peace.

Just want to add to the groundswell so you are more likely to see and hear it.

PLEASE LEAVE HIM!

OP please re-read what everyone is telling you. Stop listening to what he says and pay attention to his actions. You can’t win an argument with a manipulator. He’s been doing it all his life so he’s an expert. You can see he guilt trips you, mocks you, shames you, tries to appear the reasonable one. And this makes you doubt yourself and your own judgement. It’s classic gaslighting and part of emotional abuse.

HE WILL NOT CHANGE.

This will be your life forever. He will never share the load. You will end up doing everything. And then when the children get older (if you were foolish enough to have children with him) he’s the type to say this is HIS time now and he wants to retire. About 45. When the hard work of child rearing has been done. So then you have to be breadwinner and domestic servant.

Please get some therapy with someone who understands emotional abuse and manipulation.

Just go, op. You have one life, don't spend it with this selfish gaslighting guy and definitely do not have a child with him. He does not love you, not really, not you as an actual person of your own.

@Turtleneckhead the reason he doesn’t “carve out couple time” is simply because he doesn’t want to.

Him twisting what you say, him saying x doesn’t mean what you think it does. Him saying you don’t understand what he has said, shows he is trying to convince you that you are stupid and that you are the problem. He is attacking you psychologically. No wonder you feel the way you do.

He has succeeded! Please stop talking about him and what he does. We get it! Now let’s talk about you. Has he isolated you?

As long as you stay in the home he will constantly use his methods to undermine you and make you feel guilty, make out he is the victim and that it is all about you not caring about his children.

Guess what, you do not have to care about his children.

He is using his children as tools to control you. Walk away and let him continue to be super dad. He and those children don’t need you. Let him and his mum work together as a team. They are her grandchildren. They are not your children.

Oh my goodness, OP! Here he’s actually TELLING you his opinion of you and your role in his life. You are the designated “house bitch”, there to facilitate his lifestyle and hobbies, do the housework and look after HIS children while he’s out enjoying himself.

You’re a wifebot, a domestic appliance, and if you query your designated chores or get “feelings” he gaslights, reverses things and emotionally blackmails you until you backtrack and stay in your lane. It’s a form of abuse.

For the love of all of the God’s, stop trying to have a baby with this man. He speaks to you with utter contempt and mocks you. That’s not a relationship worth having. You’re young and have so much life ahead of you. Get out now. Save yourself.

Leave him!! You can do so much better than this. His mother’s feelings aren’t your problem. You don’t have to listen to anything she says nor take her ‘advice’.

Just go, OP. He doesn’t sound like any sort of catch - you won’t miss him and can overcome the manipulation that has stolen your sense of self-worth. A new start on your own is possible and will be the making of you!

Even if the kids didn’t need a babysitter and he gave up gaming, he’d still be a pig not worthy to lick the dirt from your shoes. I wish you all the best for your wonderful new future! X

Was he doing 50/50 before you came along? I’ve got a feeling that if he was single he wouldn’t be so keen to have his kids so much.

Leave. Seriously. This is as good as it’s ever going to get. He thinks all this stuff is your job and he doesn’t even spend any time with you as a romantic partner.