DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

What a gaslighting manipulative mother fucker and his mums a right one too. Do not have kids with this pig. Leave and be free of this.

If my DH said that, I’d be fine. Each having one day to do as we want with no responsibilities would be great.
But, my DH is a very present parent and partner. I’m a SAHM and he still plays a very active and present part of our kids lives.

if he was like your DH, it would piss me off. He delegates parenting to you and has turned you into a housekeeper and nanny. He is already “a teenager” and expects you to facilitate it.
it would be a hard no from me

I don't understand the attraction of single men with young kids

What’s the point of him? He’s manipulative and cruel. Leave now.

Don’t have a child with him unless you like the idea of doing all the hard graft yourself and becoming extremely resentful of him playing games while you look after ALL his kids as he cannot be an adult.

So basically he wants a nanny with a fanny to cater to his whims and needs.

Belittles you to 'train' you to not question him and preys on vulnerabilities like your stammer.

Please get out of this situation OP.

You sound very vulnerable and he is exploiting your vulnerability. He is a manipulative narcissist and he will never make you happy. For the sake of your future sanity do not have children with him, set yourself free while you can. You can do so much better, eventually you will find someone who will treat you with love and respect, but even if you didn't, being alone would be better than being at the bottom of his priorities.
He doesn't love you , he wants a housekeeper and a Nanny he can have sex with.I get that you love him, but you have at least realised you are not loving the way he is treating you, this is your lightbulb moment, he will never change, more children in this situation will add more to your workload and he will have more to emotionally blackmail you with. He is a selfish pig just leave him and never go back no matter what he promises ( they all make the promises and never keep them) you are worth so much more.

He doesn't view or treat you like a wife. He sees you as childcare. To mock you is also seriously disrespectful and borderline, if not actually abusive.

Personally if you have somewhere else to go and stay for a couple of weeks, I'd do so and see how he likes his life when he actually has to take some responsibility as a father. It is totally out of order and self indulgent for a father of young children to be out 4 nights a week at hobbies.

You can do so much better than this. He is chipping away at your self esteem, please, stop letting him.

He must cover this well at work, though. Colleagues would report him.

@Turtleneckhead- please listen to this ⬆️

The fact that he teaches at secondary school kind of gives me some perspective of his type of character. He is puffed up with having authority over what he sees as gormless teenagers. He most probably laughs with them and they think he is down with them. He gets off on the “Sir….Sir….Sir” and then comes home and abuses his wife.

Are you even reading all these posts? What part of "he-is-a-wanker-LEAVE-HIM" you don't understand? Why do you keep posting to explain a situation that is un-salvageable? Are you trying to convince yourself he's not that bad? Why post here, if a thousand people are telling you what you obviously refuse to see?

He's a teacher? I dread to think how he speaks to his students! 😠

He is full of self importance. 😤
He thinks he is always right from what I have read.
He sounds like he's on a power trip and he will twist your words to manipulate you.

The mental gymnastics to keep up with this man are tiresome.
He is not a good man. ❌️

He will twist it further when uou decide to leave him.
Be warned.
Get clever.
Get organised.
GET RID. @Turtleneckhead

Makes you wonder why the relationship with the mother of his children failed.

Oh kindly, please raise your standards and find some self worth. He’s manipulating you.

You have to stay in and look after him children so he can go out four nights a week?!? Not wanting to be an unpaid babysitter doesn’t mean you are unfit to be a stepmother. Tell him you are taking up a hobby that means he’ll have to stay home with his own children some of those nights, his reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

He’s not looking for a loving relationship, he’s looking for someone to look after his kids so his life can carry on however he wants it. What his mother thinks is no concern.

Put this one back. You deserve so much better. Have you got any good friends IRL that can help you see sense?

it is never an easy decision to leave a relationship, it feels as if there is more pain in leaving than staying)

It's an easy decision to get back on the pill and stop TTC. If the OP wants children then leaving ought to be an easy decision too, kids with this guy will be a catastrophe.

I find these threads intensely frustrating. Why are people so often with people they don't like much actively trying to increase the commitment level?

How did this TTC decision even come about? What leads someone to think "This guy isn't pulling his weight domestically. I know, I'll dramatically increase the domestic load." It's beyond my ken. "My kitchen is on fire. I know, I'll start another fire in the hall.".

He's a disgusting human being.

You can do so much better. You deserve so much better.

Please please please don't stay and don't have children with him. You will be miserable and a solo parent essentially.

I agree. I'm wondering how he presents at work. He must go through all the training, including Diversity and Equality, Child Protection, Safeguarding, etc etc, so he must save all this up for his domestic life otherwise someone would have whistle blown.

his mum basically said you two should be working as a team and prioritising the children.
Remind her that he is their actual father and absolutely isn't prioritising HIS children.

he said “now I’m some kind of house bitch doing all the housework”
Who does he suggest should be doing it then? You after a full day's work I guess?

@Turtleneckhead he and his mum have shown you who they are and what they think of you. You need to decide if you want this.

This man is a giant ICK! You have to prioritise his kids.. but he doesn’t? Is he on drugs?
Leave him, asap. What a pathetic little prick

@Turtleneckhead I am so worried to hear he is a teacher and would be horrified if I found out he was teaching one of my kids.

I feel so miserable reading through your updates, OP. What worries me is it seems like he's already laid his abusive foundations and he can manipulate you quite easily now. He tells you that your valid and legitimate feelings are wrong and that you're a bad person for having felt them, and you accept it.

If you get drawn into bickering about how much time he spends on his PlayStation you're going to miss thr far more important issues in all of this. At best you'll get minor concessions from him over things like hobby time (which he'll then use to portray himself as a great guy) but your life won't be any less miserable. Having a baby with this abusive twat will be the biggest mistake of your life, run away.

a house bitch doing all the housework
it feels impossible to speak to him

This will not get better once you are pregnant, and I'm not surprised he's divorced (bet you've not heard the real story behind that). He hates women and he doesn't like you. To him you're a nanny with a fanny.

Abuse can start in the run up to/during pregnancy. This is your big red flag to run.

@Turtleneckhead if you are reading all of our responses and you don’t understand what is happening to you, please understand that he has brainwashed you.

If you feel that you cannot leave this marriage ( it is never an easy decision to leave a relationship, it feels as if there is more pain in leaving than staying) for your own well being then you have lost your autonomy.

I can’t imagine that the children benefit from this marriage because they are in the middle of an abusive relationship.

You may feel that you caring about them and their father doing most of the care, is happy families. They are innocent victims of their father’s abuse of another human being. And I am sure it doesn’t stop there.

They are though, to judge by many a post seen in AIBU. ‘Hobbies’ exert one hell of a hold over many fathers, and not a few mothers as well.
It utterly befuddles me.

Not that this reduces the atrocious scandal of this present bloke’s behaviour.