DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

He can't have hobbies that take up every evening and weekends, he has children, expecting you to look after them so he can be a perpetual teenager is unacceptable- his comment proves this is the aim.
Leave him and let him look after his own kids- you haven't got a relationship with him , there is no time for that.

Can you imagine your children having a father who mocks you or calls doing basic chores whilst on annual leave "house bitch" stuff. You cannot subject children to this.

Please find an exit, it's hugely painful but you can find so much better OR be far happier single. Please believe that and value your life ❤️

Ditto. I hope we are wrong!

Yep!

Seriously OP you need to leave!

Fucking leave him mate! Pack your things while he’s out the house in bags and put them somewhere so he won’t notice and before he goes out the door you beat him to it! How dare his mother say you need to work as a team when he’s the only one who gets to leave the house! And his attitude to HOUSEHOLD jobs?!

Does he ‘allow’ YOU you time? Have you asked him? Well don’t ask him, tell him on the days he’s not at his fucking hobby you’ll be at yours - if he kicks off he’s proved he’s a shitty misogynistic gaslighting control freak, if he’s not bothered then he genuinely doesn’t want to spend quality time with you - please leave asap.

For a secondary teacher he has a pretty poor understanding of teenagers. Mine don’t spend all day gaming into the early hours. And they load and empty dishwashers.

I know it’s overwhelming now. But keep your powder dry. There’s no point arguing with this one or his mother. I suggest
1- Use contraception.
2- Book some counselling for yourself.
3- Make plans for yourself on hobby nights
4 - Quietly explore the financial implications of divorce

you’ve got this and a team here behind you.

I’m getting the sense that OP is venting here and will go back to being his housemaid and nanny.

And then wake up in 20 years realising she threw her life away on pond scum.

He sounds narcissistic.

You say “I’m sad” and he turns it around on you.

A house bitch for adulting? He is already acting like a teenager.

You may not be ready to leave him, but get on the pill. Do not tie yourself to this man with a baby.

Have you spoken to friends and family about this?? I can’t imagine they agree with him. You need people close to you on your side.

You're not unreasonable for being unhappy with this behaviour but you ARE unreasonable for thinking of having a baby with this man child who doesn't even like you - he imitated your STAMMER for Chrissake. I've never met you but even I know you can do better than this.

He’s fucking awful @Turtleneckhead

Hes gaslighting you to a point of total confusion and overwhelm.

Can you talk to a therapist and work through this? It feels like you need some real life support to show you how messed up this is.

My DH spends loads of his free time gaming but knows that he needs to make time for me if I want it as he can get lost in it for hours. Your DH is an absolute dickhead. Couples need time together without children to maintain a relationship.

He’s awful, OP. Uncaring, lazy and extremely manipulative. And if you ever have children together, you can bet he’ll get even worse because he knows you’ll be connected to him for life. Plus, if you push back, he and his mum will pile on the guilt trips about how you’re a family and don’t you love your step-children?

Get out now! You deserve someone much better and in the meantime, you’d be much better off staying single than doing housework and childcare for an unkind man who doesn’t appreciate you.

I'd be ok with a fully paid spa day to offset a day of gaming, we all want to act like young people with no responsibilities at times.

I wouldn't be ok with having to arrange your time around his kids when he doesn't!

That's the issue!!

And ignoring your anniversary.

He's just not worth the hassle.

What’s your point?

I’ve asked a question, not made an assertion.
The question needs to be asked because she appears to lack quite a bit of insight, and she may even be unaware that her self esteem IS low, and that’s why she doubts herself so much.

@Swiftie1878 , we do not know why @Turtleneckhead self esteem is so low. We don’t even know if it is. We can only speculate and offer advice (oh and feel very angry, concerned, sad etc, etc).

But let’s say she does have low self esteem, it certainly wouldn’t be by choice and we do not know her life experience which could contain the answer as to why she has.

He doesn't seem to do much if any childcare for his existing children, expecting you to perform that task on his behalf. If that's the role he expects you to take for kids that don't belong to you how much of a hands on father do you think he'd be to another one?

He sounds pathetic.

Come ON!

Do you really not know? You think you may be being selfish/a bad stepmum/controlling?

He's a complete selfish prick. You need to get out, and you most definitely must NOT get pregnant by this man.
I cannot believe you need to be told this. Why is your self esteem so low?

Can I ask if you think it will be any different if you had a baby together or do you think he'll carry on being a selfish w*"ker?!

That's completely unfair. OP 's posts demonstrate that she IS listening and that light is dawning.

You are bullying her for absolutely no reason, and speaking to her like that is counter-productive. She needs the encouragement and the confidence to leave. Not someone haranguing her dvd making her feel stupid.

This is typical of a bloke who gaslights-making you feel like you’re the one in the wrong when you clearly aren’t. He’s nothing but a cruel, manipulative bastard. You deserve so much more. Please don’t have a child with him. You will seriously live to regret it.

Another thread you should read @Turtleneckhead is a recent one

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5570563-to-think-a-man-with-five-kids-he-barely-sees-wont-be-considered-a-catch-on-the-dating-scene

Summary - guy seen his first lot of kids while he was with Bezerk, blamed his ex for cheating and ending the relationship. Now he's got another two kids with the OP and has abused them. Doesn't see any of his kids. This could be your future. You already have the abusive (if not physically yet) man with kids he expects you to parent - it's not family time it's him providing no solo childcare for his children.

Wouldn't play games with him either, my abusive ex became physically abusive because I kept beating him in two player games.

What he says will never make sense because it is designed to twist you up in knots and confuse you. He doesn’t want your opinion, or to find out who you are as a person, he wants you to do and say what he wants.

He has never grown up, or developed empathy.
It is not your job to teach him to be a decent human being. You can simply say, this is not working for me. It doesn’t make you a bad person. It simply means you know what makes you feel good and happy and safe and loved - and from the sounds of it, he is none of those.

Step away from his madness and find happiness for yourself. You deserve so much more.

Get rid, it’ll get worse when you have DC. His kids are his? Why are you effectively babysitting them?

He is telling you he doesn’t want any more kids - you need to listen.

You have to decide what you want to do:
having kids with him but him not being involved,
not having kids at all with him but staying with him,
not staying with him and finding someone else who wants to have kids.

You haven’t said how long you’ve been with him or how long he’s been acting like this.

Forgetting about his current DCs and you looking after them etc, most people get to a stage where they don’t want to start again having more kids.
He has already told you that he wants his free time to be doing things he wants to do like gaming etc.
Can you imagine how resentful he’s going to feel if suddenly his free time is being taken up by a baby.

He barely has time for you - he will not make time for a baby.

LTB. Life is too short for this crap. Please.