Page 22 | DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

avonleabonbon · 26/08/2026 20:25

Don’t waste your time or life on this man. He’s feeding you all the lines, playing on your good nature and kindness, when he’s being extremely self-absorbed and selfish. He’s transparent as glass to all of us reading. You can be in a happy relationship! Even being single would be more fun as you could have hobbies and friendships. Not hang around to maybe be player 2 for an evening. You could travel, exercise, perform, read, a world of possibilities that are compromised when you have kids. But you haven’t! He’s treating you like a 24/7 nanny, not a partner, not with respect and love. He barely spends any time with you- out of choice!!

Beingseenisneedy · 26/08/2026 20:25

OP: Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument.

If you end up having a daughter and one day she tells you this about her partner, what would you say to her??

renovationchoas · 26/08/2026 20:24

Divorce this guy. He is not a prince

Onceuponatime32 · 26/08/2026 20:23

Him and his mother have done a real number on you. I would divorce this poor excuse of a man and let him parent his own kids.

paomara · 26/08/2026 20:21

What did I just read, that he mocked you by imitating your stammer in his response? OMG that is just so awful, hurtful, abusive and humiliating. I'd have thrown some things in a bag and gone by now.

Loulou4022 · 26/08/2026 20:21

Turtleneckhead · 26/08/2026 20:14

I find it very hard because posts on here and other forums say “you know what you were getting into when he had kids”, so when I first expressed that it wasn’t fair that I had to stay in when he went out, he basically told me that I was treating his children like a burden. That really hurt me, and I think it made me think that I was being selfish, and not cut out to he a stepmother. His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.

DH also takes great offence when I tell him we hardly spend any time together. He asks me for example - if I say well you’re out doing your hobbies and then DSCs are here so we (understandably) don’t get much couple time… that becomes a “you don’t see my children as family. We spend time with the kids, that’s our time”.

He said to me that he is more than just a dad and a husband. I pointed out that he had days to do what he wanted, all I was asking for is a couple of hours in the evening. He said well you assumed I’d be playing a one player game but obviously I meant a two player game.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

Oh he’s manipulated you good and proper! What an arse hole!

ToastyToes101 · 26/08/2026 20:21

Turtleneckhead · 26/08/2026 20:14

I find it very hard because posts on here and other forums say “you know what you were getting into when he had kids”, so when I first expressed that it wasn’t fair that I had to stay in when he went out, he basically told me that I was treating his children like a burden. That really hurt me, and I think it made me think that I was being selfish, and not cut out to he a stepmother. His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.

DH also takes great offence when I tell him we hardly spend any time together. He asks me for example - if I say well you’re out doing your hobbies and then DSCs are here so we (understandably) don’t get much couple time… that becomes a “you don’t see my children as family. We spend time with the kids, that’s our time”.

He said to me that he is more than just a dad and a husband. I pointed out that he had days to do what he wanted, all I was asking for is a couple of hours in the evening. He said well you assumed I’d be playing a one player game but obviously I meant a two player game.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

So YOU would stay in with your bio children if you had them, but he doesn't have to? How does that make sense?

He doesn't get to say you need to not treat them as a burden, when that is exactly what he's doing, when he goes out 4 nights a week. He wants to do his hobby, but doesn't want to have to look after them, thus considering them to be a burden. But lucky him, he has a wife to do the parenting he doesn't want to have to do.

This is madness and how you've coped with this so long is mind boggling. As PP's have said, don't have a baby with him. It's hardly going to get better.

WerewolfOfLoudon · 26/08/2026 20:21

Do you have friends @Turtleneckhead ? Can you start going out with friends after work on the nights his children are there and he has "hobbies"? Just don't come home to parent HIS biological kids. They are not yours. Either he is the adult at home with them or their mother is, or his mother can do it.

Fill for divorce and don't waste your fertile years with this controlling, manipulative waste of space. Your update is awful. He is not a nice man and a shit father and a shittier husband.

JortsNTeeShirt · 26/08/2026 20:21

So you’re basically free childcare for this guy, while he is out living his best life?

Why on earth do you want to have a baby with him?!

You do realise this will be your life, only worse - stuck indoors night after night watching his kids AND a baby while he pisses about doing what he wants?

Cop on.

CarrieOakie · 26/08/2026 20:19

Aibu to think this is very incompatible behaviour with marriage?

if its not acceptable to you - then its not acceptable in your marriage

how much do you get paid as a babysitter in your area - 4 nights every other week you could be raking it in. In my area its £15 an hour

whippersnapper55 · 26/08/2026 20:19

Are you mad? You want to have a child with this man?? You're already his nanny with a fanny 🤦‍♀️ honestly, I despair of what some women will settle for!

Elsvieta · 26/08/2026 20:18

Stop looking after his kids while he's out and see if he still wants to be with you. Then decide if you want this man to father your child.

Bonsaibaby · 26/08/2026 20:17

He’s treating his own kids and you like a burden, basically wanting to pretend you don’t exist! Actions speak louder than words, he’s a selfish prick. Don’t be the good guy in the argument, let rip and tell him to be a dad and responsible adult to his own kids and say he can have all the time in the world to himself, see ya

Thatsillymama · 26/08/2026 20:17

I'd ask what redeeming features he has but it doesn't matter nothing could counteract that level of childishness. He is collectively the ick.

SockPlant · 26/08/2026 20:17

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

OP. Be clear. He is using you. He is also an abusive cunt. Get out of there. ASAP.

Next time his DC are there, leave the house before he does, so he has to stay with them. But mostly: get away from him. Far far away.

NancyThompson · 26/08/2026 20:17

Turtleneckhead · 26/08/2026 20:14

I find it very hard because posts on here and other forums say “you know what you were getting into when he had kids”, so when I first expressed that it wasn’t fair that I had to stay in when he went out, he basically told me that I was treating his children like a burden. That really hurt me, and I think it made me think that I was being selfish, and not cut out to he a stepmother. His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.

DH also takes great offence when I tell him we hardly spend any time together. He asks me for example - if I say well you’re out doing your hobbies and then DSCs are here so we (understandably) don’t get much couple time… that becomes a “you don’t see my children as family. We spend time with the kids, that’s our time”.

He said to me that he is more than just a dad and a husband. I pointed out that he had days to do what he wanted, all I was asking for is a couple of hours in the evening. He said well you assumed I’d be playing a one player game but obviously I meant a two player game.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

Oh he's manipulated you thoroughly, and his mother has helped.

He's got a nanny with a fanny now, and he can continue to be a manchild.

bellhawk · 26/08/2026 20:16

If you have a baby with him you will be a solo parent. Unless he does all of the household chores before his hobbies, you are already a solo parent...

WorkingItOutAsIGo · 26/08/2026 20:16

Please run fast away. He's just not that into you and he won't change when you have a baby. It'll be your child he's abandoning to his third wife after you divorce.

Original poster

Turtleneckhead · 26/08/2026 20:15

BeardOToots · 26/08/2026 20:12

How old is he?

32

OP posts:

Original poster

Turtleneckhead · 26/08/2026 20:14

I find it very hard because posts on here and other forums say “you know what you were getting into when he had kids”, so when I first expressed that it wasn’t fair that I had to stay in when he went out, he basically told me that I was treating his children like a burden. That really hurt me, and I think it made me think that I was being selfish, and not cut out to he a stepmother. His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.

DH also takes great offence when I tell him we hardly spend any time together. He asks me for example - if I say well you’re out doing your hobbies and then DSCs are here so we (understandably) don’t get much couple time… that becomes a “you don’t see my children as family. We spend time with the kids, that’s our time”.

He said to me that he is more than just a dad and a husband. I pointed out that he had days to do what he wanted, all I was asking for is a couple of hours in the evening. He said well you assumed I’d be playing a one player game but obviously I meant a two player game.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

OP posts:

ThatBreezyScroller · 26/08/2026 20:13

Struggling to believe this is even real tbh

BeardOToots · 26/08/2026 20:12

How old is he?

Mapletree1985 · 26/08/2026 20:12

Turtleneckhead · 26/08/2026 19:01

DH is off work for the 6 week holiday. I’ve had 2 weeks off where we went on holiday for a week and another pottering around. we are ttc and he has 2 kids from a previous relationship that live with us week on/week off.

DH has hobbies in the evenings on Mondays, Tuesday, Thursdays and Fridays. Obviously on those days on the weeks his kids are here I have to stay in and make sure there’s an adult in the house.

Dhs other hobby is video games. On Saturday and Sunday he played on it all day, and I mean all day. This week his kids are on holiday with their mum so he’s had no responsibilities. Monday was our anniversary, he video gamed all day whilst I was at work, gave me my gift and card, and then went to do his hobby until 9:30pm.

Today when I arrived home from work, he said “let’s spend tonight in my office” (his office being where his computer games are). I feel so sad that he doesn’t want to spend time with me.

And then on our anniversary night he said “turtleneckhead, I want one day where I am a total teenager. I want to game all day until the early hours of the morning. No responsibilities, no having to come down for dinner. I’ll pay for you to go to a spa that day”

Aibu to think this is very incompatible behaviour with marriage? Or am I controlling?

Some people might be very happy with such a man. I love video games and I have many hobbies of my own, so I'd be thrilled with a partner who had plenty to keep him busy. I would be less thrilled about being his kids' babysitter.

More to the point, though, this kind of behavior is clearly incompatible with what YOU expect from a marriage, and that's really all that matters here. What I don't understand is why you married him. Did you not know what he was like?

WerewolfOfLoudon · 26/08/2026 20:10

Turtleneckhead · 26/08/2026 19:21

his kids are asleep when he goes out, I’m just in the house as they obviously can’t be left alone.

im more bothered about the time he spends on video games and as a poster mentioned, the complete lack of time he spends with me

He has outright told you he does not want responsibilities. He wants to be a teenager.

Why are you trying to have another child with him? He already has very young children if they are in bed before he goes out to his hobbies and he doesn’t spend the evenings with you while they are there.

All gamers in my house and we don't prioritise any hobbies over family.

Cardhey · 26/08/2026 20:09

Do yourself a favour and get rid of this loser. You’re just a maid and child care to him.