Page 21 | DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

Turtleneckhead · 2026-08-26T18:01:59+00:00

DH is off work for the 6 week holiday. I’ve had 2 weeks off where we went on holiday for a week and another pottering around. we are ttc and he has 2 kids from a previous relationship that live with us week on/week off. DH has hobbies in the evenings on Mondays, Tuesday, Thursdays and Fridays. Obviously on those days on the weeks his kids are here I have to stay in and make sure there’s an adult in the house. Dhs other hobby is video games. On Saturday and Sunday he played on it all day, and I mean all day. This week his kids are on holiday with their mum so he’s had no responsibilities. Monday was our anniversary, he video gamed all day whilst I was at work, gave me my gift and card, and then went to do his hobby until 9:30pm. Today when I arrived home from work, he said “let’s spend tonight in my office” (his office being where his computer games are). I feel so sad that he doesn’t want to spend time with me. And then on our anniversary night he said “turtleneckhead, I want one day where I am a total teenager. I want to game all day until the early hours of the morning. No responsibilities, no having to come down for dinner. I’ll pay for you to go to a spa that day” Aibu to think this is very incompatible behaviour with marriage? Or am I controlling?

NewLifter · 26/08/2026 20:33

Op I'm so sorry, this is horrendous

When you say 'off for the 6 week holiday', are you saying this person is a teacher???

Pancakeorcrepe · 26/08/2026 20:32

Pray that you are not pregnant already. Leave this man. Do you really want to live your one life like this? It will only get worse.

watchingthishtread · 26/08/2026 20:32

He has shown you who he is. Get out while you still can. TTC is just going to tie you to this situation where your needs are always put last.

PleaseDontTreadOnTheDaisies · 26/08/2026 20:32

Oh love, that's horrible.
I'm so sorry but it sounds like you're very convenient to sit in with his DC while he's off out doing hobbies (let me guess, gym/football/cycling?) but he can't really be arsed with YOU. He just wants a woman around to do the "wifework."
He (and his mother) are also using emotional blackmail to make you feel guilty. It'll get worse when you have a baby. Much much worse, as he'll perceive you as trapped with him.

suki1964 · 26/08/2026 20:32

Turtleneckhead · 26/08/2026 20:14

I find it very hard because posts on here and other forums say “you know what you were getting into when he had kids”, so when I first expressed that it wasn’t fair that I had to stay in when he went out, he basically told me that I was treating his children like a burden. That really hurt me, and I think it made me think that I was being selfish, and not cut out to he a stepmother. His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.

DH also takes great offence when I tell him we hardly spend any time together. He asks me for example - if I say well you’re out doing your hobbies and then DSCs are here so we (understandably) don’t get much couple time… that becomes a “you don’t see my children as family. We spend time with the kids, that’s our time”.

He said to me that he is more than just a dad and a husband. I pointed out that he had days to do what he wanted, all I was asking for is a couple of hours in the evening. He said well you assumed I’d be playing a one player game but obviously I meant a two player game.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

Sorry but I disagree with that old chestnut of " you knew what you were getting when you took on a man with kids" - not all men are complete tossers

Tell me, how much is your partner paying you for babysitting?

I took on a man with two kids, when they stayed with us - he was the care giver, not me. If I wanted to go out - away I went. He was the one who stayed with them - he was the father

Not to say I didnt take on any caring, sure I fed them, did the washing/ironing. took them out etc, but I was not their babysitter - they came to spend time with him so they did

Sorry my love, but this man is taking the frigging piss out of you. He is using you for free childcare - knock it on the head now because its going to be so much harder IF you go ahead and get pregnant - you will be tied to the house 24/7 with no life of your own

Inertia · 26/08/2026 20:32

Don’t waste your childbearing years on a man who only sees you as the babysitter for his children that he can’t be bothered to interact with.

TiredCatLady · 26/08/2026 20:31

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

No, nope, abso-fucking-lutely not. What an obnoxious, manipulative shite he is.

Get rid. In fact, get packed now, grab any important documents and get yourself
out of there.

Rebelliousfinch · 26/08/2026 20:31

He imitated your stammer?!
and with 6 weeks off, I presume he works in a school, has had safeguarding training and knows that this behaviour in a professional environment would be an abusive, sackable offence?
Please leave. Good men don’t do this.

Ethelspagetti · 26/08/2026 20:31

Please do not have a baby with this man. You need to leave. You can do so much better, and you know it.

ThisSillyPoet · 26/08/2026 20:31

‘Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom’

I’m furious on your behalf op! How fucking dare he!

Tinyfrog200 · 26/08/2026 20:30

Littlejellyuk · 26/08/2026 20:29

Fucking NO NO NO.
This guy is a CF of the highest order 😠

PLEASE DO NOT GET PREGNANT TO THIS MAN AND RUN GIRL! 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️

He expects you to babysit so he can swan off and do hobbies, but if you protest you are making out that his kids are a burden? Then his mother chimes in and backs him up? Hes never home to parent his own kids?
HELL NO! ❌️

HE IS USING YOU!
YOU ARE A NANNY WITH A FANNY! 😡

He wasn't arsed about your special day?
Then he openly admits that he just wants to be a teenager for a day and will send you to a spa?

Then he mocked your stutter - is that right? Wow. Just wow.
Talk about his actions making your fanny clamp shut.
He is enough to make a girl celibate! ✝️
I have the ICK just reading about him. 🤢

He has told you who he is and shown his true colours, you need to get your ducks in a row and leave this cheeky, user, loser, immature, selfish bastard of a mediocre man. 😤

He needs to be ALONE to parent HIS kids on HIS week, and sacrifice HIS hobbies to step up and be his kids father. 👍

And you deserve better. 💯
Please stop trying to shag this man.
Your life will get WORSE if you are tied to him via a biological child.

Get on birth control.
Get your ducks in a row.
Get a divorce.
Get your life back.

Don't be a martyr to this mediocre male. Trust me, he is not worth it.
You current already have 3 kids (he is the biggest one).
Please don't make another kid into this mix.
it will only end in tears.

Best of luck OP @Turtleneckhead
🫂

ETA: Do you rent /own a home together, if rent and its in your name, then he can go to his cheerleader of a mums. 🏠
If you both own the house, then could you sell the house?
Who's name is it in? 🤔
Could you go to a friend or family members to stay for a while for some breathing space?
💐

Edited

This!

Moreholidaysthanjudithchalmers · 26/08/2026 20:30

Seriously. Read back what you’ve put. They are his children. I’d start making plans and go out in evenings from next week. Go on birth control. Do not get pregnant.
You are basically a nanny. Easy to see why his first relationship failed.

WestwardHo1 · 26/08/2026 20:30

You lost me at "TTC".

blunderbuss12 · 26/08/2026 20:29

Ready to be shot down but adults who game is a serious manchild red flag for me

PollyBell · 26/08/2026 20:29

Why on earth would you want a child with him? How is this fair on them?

Littlejellyuk · 26/08/2026 20:29

Fucking NO NO NO.
This guy is a CF of the highest order 😠

PLEASE DO NOT GET PREGNANT TO THIS MAN AND RUN GIRL! 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️ 🏃‍♀️

He expects you to babysit so he can swan off and do hobbies, but if you protest you are making out that his kids are a burden? Then his mother chimes in and backs him up? Hes never home to parent his own kids?
HELL NO! ❌️

HE IS USING YOU!
YOU ARE A NANNY WITH A FANNY! 😡

He wasn't arsed about your special day?
Then he openly admits that he just wants to be a teenager for a day and will send you to a spa?

Then he mocked your stutter - is that right? Wow. Just wow.
Talk about his actions making your fanny clamp shut.
He is enough to make a girl celibate! ✝️
I have the ICK just reading about him. 🤢

He has told you who he is and shown his true colours, you need to get your ducks in a row and leave this cheeky, user, loser, immature, selfish bastard of a mediocre man. 😤

He needs to be ALONE to parent HIS kids on HIS week, and sacrifice HIS hobbies to step up and be his kids father. 👍

And you deserve better. 💯
Please stop trying to shag this man.
Your life will get WORSE if you are tied to him via a biological child.

Get on birth control.
Get your ducks in a row.
Get a divorce.
Get your life back.

Don't be a martyr to this mediocre male. Trust me, he is not worth it.
You current already have 3 kids (he is the biggest one).
Please don't make another kid into this mix.
it will only end in tears.

Best of luck OP @Turtleneckhead
🫂

ETA: Do you rent /own a home together, if rent and its in your name, then he can go to his cheerleader of a mums. 🏠
If you both own the house, then could you sell the house?
Who's name is it in? 🤔
Could you go to a friend or family members to stay for a while for some breathing space?
💐

BagpipeBoss · 26/08/2026 20:28

Any reasonable woman would look at this setup and ask why she’d bring a baby into a situation where the “partner” behaves like a lodger with hobbies.
He’s absent four nights a week, glued to games the rest, and uses his kids’ schedule as a convenient shield to keep himself free while you’re stuck covering the house.

That’s not stability. That’s not teamwork.

That’s not fatherhood. It’s a man carving out maximum personal freedom while expecting you to absorb all the responsibility.
A baby needs two present adults.

You currently have one — and it’s you.

LateAgainJeeves · 26/08/2026 20:28

Am I right in thinking you are in the bedroom (crying)? Get the cases out and pack everything you can of your clothes and personal care items. I take it you can drive, put the cases in the car, and book up a room in your nearest Travelodge or Premier Inn etc. If you don't drive/no car, call a taxi or Uber.

You can sort all else out in the morning. You will be able to start the divorce on line.

SquirrelFan · 26/08/2026 20:28

LTB.

RemindMeIn15Minutes · 26/08/2026 20:28

Turtleneckhead · 26/08/2026 20:14

I find it very hard because posts on here and other forums say “you know what you were getting into when he had kids”, so when I first expressed that it wasn’t fair that I had to stay in when he went out, he basically told me that I was treating his children like a burden. That really hurt me, and I think it made me think that I was being selfish, and not cut out to he a stepmother. His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.

DH also takes great offence when I tell him we hardly spend any time together. He asks me for example - if I say well you’re out doing your hobbies and then DSCs are here so we (understandably) don’t get much couple time… that becomes a “you don’t see my children as family. We spend time with the kids, that’s our time”.

He said to me that he is more than just a dad and a husband. I pointed out that he had days to do what he wanted, all I was asking for is a couple of hours in the evening. He said well you assumed I’d be playing a one player game but obviously I meant a two player game.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

Please wake up. This guy is treating you like a fool.

bittertwisted · 26/08/2026 20:27

paomara · 26/08/2026 20:21

What did I just read, that he mocked you by imitating your stammer in his response? OMG that is just so awful, hurtful, abusive and humiliating. I'd have thrown some things in a bag and gone by now.

And to think by all accounts this childish, selfish little bully is teaching our children

OriginalUsername2 · 26/08/2026 20:27

Turtleneckhead · 26/08/2026 20:14

I find it very hard because posts on here and other forums say “you know what you were getting into when he had kids”, so when I first expressed that it wasn’t fair that I had to stay in when he went out, he basically told me that I was treating his children like a burden. That really hurt me, and I think it made me think that I was being selfish, and not cut out to he a stepmother. His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.

DH also takes great offence when I tell him we hardly spend any time together. He asks me for example - if I say well you’re out doing your hobbies and then DSCs are here so we (understandably) don’t get much couple time… that becomes a “you don’t see my children as family. We spend time with the kids, that’s our time”.

He said to me that he is more than just a dad and a husband. I pointed out that he had days to do what he wanted, all I was asking for is a couple of hours in the evening. He said well you assumed I’d be playing a one player game but obviously I meant a two player game.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

You’re being manipulated.

The bit about copying your stutter is nasty. When people show you who they are, believe them (and don’t conceive with them!)

TheBlueKoala · 26/08/2026 20:27

Turtleneckhead · 26/08/2026 20:14

I find it very hard because posts on here and other forums say “you know what you were getting into when he had kids”, so when I first expressed that it wasn’t fair that I had to stay in when he went out, he basically told me that I was treating his children like a burden. That really hurt me, and I think it made me think that I was being selfish, and not cut out to he a stepmother. His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.

DH also takes great offence when I tell him we hardly spend any time together. He asks me for example - if I say well you’re out doing your hobbies and then DSCs are here so we (understandably) don’t get much couple time… that becomes a “you don’t see my children as family. We spend time with the kids, that’s our time”.

He said to me that he is more than just a dad and a husband. I pointed out that he had days to do what he wanted, all I was asking for is a couple of hours in the evening. He said well you assumed I’d be playing a one player game but obviously I meant a two player game.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

Well he clearly finds it useful to have you around so he can leave his kids and do his hobbies. He doesn't want to spend time with you and his interests are those of my 16 year old son- gaming. He also mocks you for stuttering.

He doesn't love you nor does he even like or respect you. I'm sorry but it's so obvious. Luckily you are not pregnant yet so you don't have to see the selfish twat again if you leave him. And your future dc won't have a parent as useless and selfish as he sounds. Please believe me when I say that if you have kids with him everything will get worse because he knows you're stuck. You deserve a partner who loves you, respects you and actually wants to spend time with you. Right now you are just a nanny with a fanny to him.

MissAmbrosia · 26/08/2026 20:26

Do not have a baby with him, and then probably ditch him. Contact time with his dc is for him to spend time with them, not for you to babysit whilst he goes out. He treats his OWN kids like a burden - that he handed over to you.

boxtop · 26/08/2026 20:26

RUN LIKE THE WIND. For so many reasons.