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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

641 replies

Turtleneckhead · 26/08/2026 19:01

DH is off work for the 6 week holiday. I’ve had 2 weeks off where we went on holiday for a week and another pottering around. we are ttc and he has 2 kids from a previous relationship that live with us week on/week off.

DH has hobbies in the evenings on Mondays, Tuesday, Thursdays and Fridays. Obviously on those days on the weeks his kids are here I have to stay in and make sure there’s an adult in the house.

Dhs other hobby is video games. On Saturday and Sunday he played on it all day, and I mean all day. This week his kids are on holiday with their mum so he’s had no responsibilities. Monday was our anniversary, he video gamed all day whilst I was at work, gave me my gift and card, and then went to do his hobby until 9:30pm.

Today when I arrived home from work, he said “let’s spend tonight in my office” (his office being where his computer games are). I feel so sad that he doesn’t want to spend time with me.

And then on our anniversary night he said “turtleneckhead, I want one day where I am a total teenager. I want to game all day until the early hours of the morning. No responsibilities, no having to come down for dinner. I’ll pay for you to go to a spa that day”

Aibu to think this is very incompatible behaviour with marriage? Or am I controlling?

OP posts:
MyGallbladderIsAFucker · 26/08/2026 20:45

On the face of it in an isolated thing I don't think it's THAT bad wanting a day where you just let loose and be a bit selfish. I often want a care free day where I have no responsibility. Calling it a teenage day gives my vag the ick.
With EVERYTHING else though aswell. He's a twat.
Don't have a kid with that.

BCBird · 26/08/2026 20:44

Sound advice from paomara

OneHardyRobin · 26/08/2026 20:43

Shloopie · 26/08/2026 19:07

Do notttttttttttt have a baby with this man. Do not. Do not. Do not.

DO NOT.

This, this, this, this, this!

Littlejellyuk · 26/08/2026 20:43

paomara · 26/08/2026 20:41

OP, how are you at the moment, are you ok? The responses here are well meant but they are on repeat and that might seem very repetitive to you. You are probably still processing the horror of what has been going on all around you and are now realising the truth of the matter.

Can you talk to someone close who will understand. I know that will probably be tomorrow, but don't wait any longer than that. Share this with a trusted friend/parent/boss whoever and even try Womens Aid if necessary. I know you have been bombarded with LTBs all over the place by now, and it's a lot to process, but try and get something sorted tomorrow. First talk to someone and get an ally. You can do it.

This ☝️
This is sage advice 👏
Please get support IRL off someone who you trust OP. 🫂

Wherearemybaubles · 26/08/2026 20:43

Frankly, he's already being a total teenager 24/7 so I don't see what difference it would make. My immediate thoughts are: he won't change so stop trying, he got with you to have a nanny for his kids, I'd personally stop trying ttc with him as his behaviour will only get worse.

So sorry but there is nothing you describe OP that sounds like a marriage, a partnership or even a romantic relationship.

BCBird · 26/08/2026 20:42

He should be the one staying in with HIS children.

saraclara · 26/08/2026 20:41

I was already furious with him, and then I read that he imitated your stutter.

That is not the action of if someone who loves you @Turtleneckhead . It's the action of someone who has no respect for you, and who doesn't care if he hurts or humiliates you.

It's time to leave. Do you have somewhere you can go?

paomara · 26/08/2026 20:41

OP, how are you at the moment, are you ok? The responses here are well meant but they are on repeat and that might seem very repetitive to you. You are probably still processing the horror of what has been going on all around you and are now realising the truth of the matter.

Can you talk to someone close who will understand. I know that will probably be tomorrow, but don't wait any longer than that. Share this with a trusted friend/parent/boss whoever and even try Womens Aid if necessary. I know you have been bombarded with LTBs all over the place by now, and it's a lot to process, but try and get something sorted tomorrow. First talk to someone and get an ally. You can do it.

BCBird · 26/08/2026 20:41

Just read last bit about him.imitating your stammer. What a vile specimen. U would be better off on ur own.

Littlejellyuk · 26/08/2026 20:41

His dick isn't worth it. He is a CUNT.

You know what you need to do. 💯
Don't listen to his charming bullshit.
DIVORCE and get on the pill. 💊

He's making my blood boil and I don't even know the fella!
SACK THIS TWAT OFF! 🖕
@Turtleneckhead

Ooodelally · 26/08/2026 20:41

Turtleneckhead · 26/08/2026 20:14

I find it very hard because posts on here and other forums say “you know what you were getting into when he had kids”, so when I first expressed that it wasn’t fair that I had to stay in when he went out, he basically told me that I was treating his children like a burden. That really hurt me, and I think it made me think that I was being selfish, and not cut out to he a stepmother. His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.

DH also takes great offence when I tell him we hardly spend any time together. He asks me for example - if I say well you’re out doing your hobbies and then DSCs are here so we (understandably) don’t get much couple time… that becomes a “you don’t see my children as family. We spend time with the kids, that’s our time”.

He said to me that he is more than just a dad and a husband. I pointed out that he had days to do what he wanted, all I was asking for is a couple of hours in the evening. He said well you assumed I’d be playing a one player game but obviously I meant a two player game.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

He’s mocked you? He’s a cunt. For the love of all that is holy, please get rid of this wanker. Xx

Dymaxion · 26/08/2026 20:40

Gosh, I wonder why his previous relationship broke down ?

keepcounsel · 26/08/2026 20:40

Turtleneckhead · 26/08/2026 19:01

DH is off work for the 6 week holiday. I’ve had 2 weeks off where we went on holiday for a week and another pottering around. we are ttc and he has 2 kids from a previous relationship that live with us week on/week off.

DH has hobbies in the evenings on Mondays, Tuesday, Thursdays and Fridays. Obviously on those days on the weeks his kids are here I have to stay in and make sure there’s an adult in the house.

Dhs other hobby is video games. On Saturday and Sunday he played on it all day, and I mean all day. This week his kids are on holiday with their mum so he’s had no responsibilities. Monday was our anniversary, he video gamed all day whilst I was at work, gave me my gift and card, and then went to do his hobby until 9:30pm.

Today when I arrived home from work, he said “let’s spend tonight in my office” (his office being where his computer games are). I feel so sad that he doesn’t want to spend time with me.

And then on our anniversary night he said “turtleneckhead, I want one day where I am a total teenager. I want to game all day until the early hours of the morning. No responsibilities, no having to come down for dinner. I’ll pay for you to go to a spa that day”

Aibu to think this is very incompatible behaviour with marriage? Or am I controlling?

what are the hobbies? And - his kids, his problem.

BCBird · 26/08/2026 20:38

This does not bode well. The times his existing children are round he does not change his routine, I doubt that if you do have child, that this will be any different. Don't have a child with this man unless u effectively are prepared to be parenting by yourself.

TheBossOfMe · 26/08/2026 20:38

He’s seeing you as a nanny with a fanny. How much time does he spend looking after them on his own, which includes time when they are in bed, vs you? Calculate that. Either way he’s not a good catch. Don’t waste your life on him. If he wants to game tell him to pay for childcare whilst he does that. It’s not your responsibility to provide it.

Ithurtstoomuch · 26/08/2026 20:38

WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO YOURSELF

sunnyfeet · 26/08/2026 20:37

Softcream · 26/08/2026 19:09

Wtf? He goes out FOUR nights a week and leaves you to babysit his kids?? Sorry OP but you're being a doormat here. Put your foot down!

This!

Shinyandnew1 · 26/08/2026 20:37

Dear lord, do not have children with this manchild! He won’t change (he’s like it with his ‘old’ kids-do you want this to be your life?! Do you want this to be your future children’s life?!

mrlistersgelfbride · 26/08/2026 20:36

Oh dear OP. I have put up with a fair bit of shit from the father of my child being lazy and a bit rubbish over the years , I don’t have the highest bar myself so I don’t say this lightly. Your husband is extremely selfish and will not change.
I would not advise you to have a child with him at all.
If you want a different life , and I imagine you do, the best thing to do would be leave him.

EveryoneUsingOutro · 26/08/2026 20:35

Dump this manipulative childish selfish loser.

WhatNextImScared · 26/08/2026 20:35

Rebelliousfinch · 26/08/2026 20:31

He imitated your stammer?!
and with 6 weeks off, I presume he works in a school, has had safeguarding training and knows that this behaviour in a professional environment would be an abusive, sackable offence?
Please leave. Good men don’t do this.

Also, this. Which I somehow missed.

he’s despicable.

You deserve so much better. You deserve respect as an absolute minimum.

Holdinguphalfthesky · 26/08/2026 20:35

He is a cruel, manipulative git. And let me tell you from experience that it’s a short step from being cruel and manipulative to being coercive, controlling, and emotionally abusive. You will lose all sense of yourself and what’s real if you let this man (and his mother) dictate what you should be thinking and doing.

It took me years to get over the damage caused by my abusive gaslighting bastard and in fact I’m still learning I don’t have to respond to certain situations in those protective ways, over a decade after the relationship ended.

I know it hurts- and I know he will do everything he can to convince you to stay- but please, please look at the number of women here saying that this isn’t right, that you deserve more than this from your partner and from the father of your children- and leave. Stay left. Divorce him. He will bring you no happiness and a ton of misery if you stay with him- for you and for any kids you have with him.

thepariscrimefiles · 26/08/2026 20:33

Turtleneckhead · 26/08/2026 20:14

I find it very hard because posts on here and other forums say “you know what you were getting into when he had kids”, so when I first expressed that it wasn’t fair that I had to stay in when he went out, he basically told me that I was treating his children like a burden. That really hurt me, and I think it made me think that I was being selfish, and not cut out to he a stepmother. His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.

DH also takes great offence when I tell him we hardly spend any time together. He asks me for example - if I say well you’re out doing your hobbies and then DSCs are here so we (understandably) don’t get much couple time… that becomes a “you don’t see my children as family. We spend time with the kids, that’s our time”.

He said to me that he is more than just a dad and a husband. I pointed out that he had days to do what he wanted, all I was asking for is a couple of hours in the evening. He said well you assumed I’d be playing a one player game but obviously I meant a two player game.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

Tell him and his mum to fuck right off. He is just using you for childcare so he can live the life of a moronic teenager, backed up by Mommy Dearest.

Him mocking your stutter should be the final straw/wake up call. He is a truly horrible man.

StarCourt · 26/08/2026 20:33

So he’s not just a dad and a husband yet you’re a wife and not actually a mum yet but spend more time looking after his kids than he does? And while he is out doing his hobbies and you’re looking after his kids, he gets lots of me time, which you don’t get but his idea of couple time is the time all 4 of you spend as a family?
I’m honestly flabbergasted that you’d go along with this. Which part of this marriage benefits you exactly?

WhatNextImScared · 26/08/2026 20:33

Do not ttc with this man. He’s not looking for a shared life. He’s found a convenient woman to raise the kids he can’t be fucked to raise himself. Please do it tie yourself to him. You are still young enough to have the life you actually deserve