DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

So it's ok you to have to work as a team for him - looking after the kids / providing child care - but not for him to work as a team for you by doing his share of the housework.

He's abusive, possibly a narcissist. Look up DARVO also.

You have to leave. You cannot stay.

Your posts are really upsetting to read. I know that feeling of being bamboozled by a narcissists logic. You can’t think straight, end up getting dragged into pointless side arguments, focussing on their feelings rather than their behaviour. It’s so manipulative, and designed to destabilise you.
I’m sorry to be brutal but he does not care about you, he doesn’t even like you. He’s a man-child who doesn’t deserve a woman in his life.
I hope you find the strength to tell him to stick his shitty sad-sack life, and I’d be tempted to take a screwdriver to his gaming machine.

I can’t believe he said that btw, if my partner said it to me he’d be seriously injured, but then again, he wouldn’t because he respects me.

Im so sorry.

OP, this man does not like you enough to pass the evening with you. You are just the house bitch.
I’m so, so sorry.
If it sounds rude of me to write the above, then remember that it’s him saying so. You have no power to make him love you.

Wow. There's a lot to respond to.

i) You don't have to stay in in the evenings to be his default childcare. Book stuff, do hobbies etc. He has to ensure there's childcare when needed. Maybe it's his mum - that's between her and him.
ii) You both work FT (I think?). So of course he has housework to do. Half of it, to be precise. That doesn't make him a 'housebitch'. It makes him an adult.
iii) Mocking your stammer is abhorrent. There's no excuse for it.

From what you've posted here, I don't understand why you're with him.

This man is a bad man OP.

Just get yourself out of this, truly, and do not have any children of your own with this weak excuse for a father.

Did the relationship move very fast? I’m only asking because his children are still quite young and I imagine it’s likely you’ve been together since they were a lot younger if you’re already at a ttc point.

I hope you can get away from this and build a beautiful life for yourself, far away from this man.

Sorry, but he sounds awful. Surely you knew he was an immature loser before you married him though.

"I want to game all day until the early hours of the morning. No responsibilities, no having to come down for dinner."

He has strange ideas about teenagers. I had teenagers. Neither of them would have wanted nor been allowed to get away with acting like this even when they were teenagers.

What's the point of him OP? He doesn't pull his weight with the house, or with his own children, makes you feel shit about yourself, mocks you...his mum isn't even very nice! (I stayed with one ex longer than I should have because I loved his mum so much)

What are you doing?!

You sound young and maybe a bit unsure of yourself. He sounds domineering and can verbally demolish you. You have expressed concerns about his unreasonable behaviour and he lashed out and made you seem the unreasonable one.
You have (correctly) realized that you are being treated unfairly and he has no respect for you whatsoever.
Swanning off to a hobby 4 evenings per week when he has kids to look after. Telling you he is not the house bitch when asked to do housework.
This is so far from fair and reasonable - he must have done a number on you to convince you this was normal.
Moving forward? I know this is hard but you probably can't stay with him. He has already shown that he won't tolerate any pushback from you.
I suspect you might be a bit intimidated by him when it comes to standing up for yourself. You have probably never learned to stand up for yourself properly (lots of us have this problem).
The fact that he prefers hobbies and gaming over spending time with you is also very telling. Actions speak louder than words - he is not bothered about spending time with you.
I don't think this is salvageable- I hope you have support from your family and/or friends you can talk this over with and make plans to leave.

You already have a baby. I would think hard about another one as the one you already have is not going to grow up.

It just gets worse - and the apple doesn’t fall far does it? His mother has brought him up to be an entitled mummy’s boy.

please please don’t have a child with this man

he actually called you a "house bitch" ? - now that's a line he not only walked but stamped over. He's got you well trained - any one (male or female) who said that to me would have had a new one torn and would have been left in no doubt just how far they had pushed their luck.

I'm sorry - it must be very sad to see your marriage fade away like this - he is being rude, selfish and gaslighting you into the bargain.

May I suggest you take some time for yourself, even book some sessions with a counsellor to straighten out your thoughts and options. Tighten up that contraception. I would be getting my ducks in a row with a view to stepping away. There is no shame on your part here - he's using you shamelessly and that's not forgiveable.

RUN FAST AND FAR AWAY

Remind him that tou don't have staff. He obviously sees you as the house bitch, even though you've worked all day.

He's a rude, lazy, manipulative, gaslighting bastard.

This is never going to get any better OP.

He doesn't 'carve out couple time' because he doesn't want to.

He prioritises HIS hobbies and his gaming over spending any time with you.

He refuses to do any house chores because he's already got a 'house bitch' to do them ie you.

I really pity the kids he teaches - such a misogynistic neanderthal has no place in today's schools.

I would immediately start using contraception (although I'm amazed you can summon any enthusiasm for sex with him, given how badly he treats you. My vag would have shut up shop by now).

I would be making plans to go out lots of evenings - out with friends, or take yourself out for dinner/to the cinema/theatre/gym. He can cook his own meals, do his own washing etc. Just do your washing, cook for you.
If he complains that you're never there, just say you're prioritising your own well-being for a change.

And get your ducks in a row. You deserve much more out of marriage and life than this.

Good luck.

This man belongs under the patio. He actually makes my blood boil.

PLEASE LEAVE HIM!

Exactly this.

Oh my god don't have children with this man he's awful

Again, I’m a SAHM and my DH still manages to fill/empty the dishwasher if it needs doing, make the kids their tea if I’m busy! If he ever referred to himself doing those jobs as a “house bitch” he’d sharp find out the meaning of the word as I wouldn’t be lifting a finger for his laundry, meals or dishes!

please leave him and you will find your mood and confidence improves massively!

Step one - stop ttc

Step two - stop looking after someone else’s children so they can have lovely time pursuing their hobbies every night of the week.

I don’t want to be harsh, but he’s taking the piss, massively, and you sound like a total doormat.

Why did you marry him? He sounds a total wanker.

So via his charming way of thinking, does he class you as a House Bitch!

Leave him OP, he is vile. Did he love bomb the life out of you at first?

When he described his ideal day, he was also telling you that he doesn't even LIKE you, or being in your company. He would pay for you to go to a spa day - not because he's thinking of what YOU want, but because his ideally day doesn't even involve having meals with you. That is not a relationship let alone an equal and loving partnership.

He wants to be a teenager and he wants you to facilitate it. No wonder his Mum hopes you will do it, otherwise he will simply turn to her for support.

Please, please sort out contraception now (although I don't understand why you'd want to have sex with a lazy, manipulative, man-child).

Why on earth are you trying to inflict this 'father' on yet another innocent child. Its totally irresponsible of you.

OP you have nothing to be confused about. Read your own replies and get rid of him.