Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

641 replies

Turtleneckhead · 26/08/2026 19:01

DH is off work for the 6 week holiday. I’ve had 2 weeks off where we went on holiday for a week and another pottering around. we are ttc and he has 2 kids from a previous relationship that live with us week on/week off.

DH has hobbies in the evenings on Mondays, Tuesday, Thursdays and Fridays. Obviously on those days on the weeks his kids are here I have to stay in and make sure there’s an adult in the house.

Dhs other hobby is video games. On Saturday and Sunday he played on it all day, and I mean all day. This week his kids are on holiday with their mum so he’s had no responsibilities. Monday was our anniversary, he video gamed all day whilst I was at work, gave me my gift and card, and then went to do his hobby until 9:30pm.

Today when I arrived home from work, he said “let’s spend tonight in my office” (his office being where his computer games are). I feel so sad that he doesn’t want to spend time with me.

And then on our anniversary night he said “turtleneckhead, I want one day where I am a total teenager. I want to game all day until the early hours of the morning. No responsibilities, no having to come down for dinner. I’ll pay for you to go to a spa that day”

Aibu to think this is very incompatible behaviour with marriage? Or am I controlling?

OP posts:
GingerdeadMan · 26/08/2026 21:28

Nobody tells their partner they want to spend their anniversary alone if see a future together or respect and like their partner or values their bollocks

ohhelloyou1 · 26/08/2026 21:28

Why on earth are you TTC with this manhole? Was he like this before you got married?

GoldenSandy · 26/08/2026 21:26

He's either neurodivergent or he's extremely immature.
I guess you know why his ex left him.

Was he like this before you married him?

I beg of you don't have kids with him even if it improves. When things get hard he will retreat.

Imagine having your kids only 50% of the time and spending nearly every evening away from them and leaving someone else to babysit them. He is making it very clear to you how he is with kids. I feel very sorry for his ex.
There should be a review page for men where exes can warn you of this crap.

hobbledyhoy · 26/08/2026 21:25

Why isn’t he staying in with his biological children then? And using his mother to try and defend his poor parenting, utterly pathetic.

To imitate your stutter is an exceptionally cruel thing to do. I never dole out a LTB but I would spend some time thinking through other instances that you may have let pass (of which I’m sure there are many) and decide whether you want the remainder of your life to be treated like a general dogsbody.

My advice is get out and get out now.

GingerdeadMan · 26/08/2026 21:23

Turtleneckhead · 26/08/2026 20:14

I find it very hard because posts on here and other forums say “you know what you were getting into when he had kids”, so when I first expressed that it wasn’t fair that I had to stay in when he went out, he basically told me that I was treating his children like a burden. That really hurt me, and I think it made me think that I was being selfish, and not cut out to he a stepmother. His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.

DH also takes great offence when I tell him we hardly spend any time together. He asks me for example - if I say well you’re out doing your hobbies and then DSCs are here so we (understandably) don’t get much couple time… that becomes a “you don’t see my children as family. We spend time with the kids, that’s our time”.

He said to me that he is more than just a dad and a husband. I pointed out that he had days to do what he wanted, all I was asking for is a couple of hours in the evening. He said well you assumed I’d be playing a one player game but obviously I meant a two player game.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

I wouldn't facilitate my husband fucking off out and leaving me with the kids 4 nights a week, if we had kids together (we have one each, none together).

Just seen he has mocked your speech. What a chanmer. Nobody should show their partner this level of disrespect and unkindness, whether they are having a disagreement or not. This will not get better 💐

Vulturesoverhead · 26/08/2026 21:23

Please please keep reading OP, I know it hurts but read your posts. He’s really not being kind or nice.

EveningSpread · 26/08/2026 21:23

I can’t imagine why his other relationship ended!

He should look after his children when they come to stay.

But more importantly, you should leave this total waste of space man child. What does he even bring to your life?!

MeganM3 · 26/08/2026 21:22

He sounds really boring and he’s taking you for granted.

Would completely understand if you LTB but at the same time appreciate leaving marriages is hard in this day and age where everything is unmanageably expensive! I know I’d struggle on my own income alone and I’m in a better position than most. Divorce just isn’t always feasible. But I would start doing whatever you can to get yourself in the best possible position to leave him, when you can.

Seaside3 · 26/08/2026 21:22

Well he sounds a catch.

Toss the fucker back.

AmnesiacsDream · 26/08/2026 21:20

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

Just realised I didn't address this when I posted - OP he isn't just taking you for granted, he's started to hold you in contempt.

pearlsclutchedhard · 26/08/2026 21:19

Why did his last relationship end?

Cherrysoup · 26/08/2026 21:19

He doesn’t like you enough to want to spend some time with you. 6 weeks off and you just get to babysit his kids? Then he does his hobby multiple days a week and then games all day? Wtaf? Do you not like yourself much? Why would you tolerate this insanity?

AmnesiacsDream · 26/08/2026 21:18

You know you don't want this OP. It's why you posted.

The anniversary thing is huge, really, isn't it? He's taking you for granted and when you point it out he gets defensive and turns it on you. What has he done in the last 6 months that makes you think he would sacrifice anything at all for you?

Stop TTC. Even if you aren't ready to leave him yet, bringing a baby into this will be unfair on the child and make things 10 times worse for you. He is not a good father to his current kids, he's not a good husband to you. He won't be a good father to your baby.

Gonedeaf · 26/08/2026 21:17

Fuck that.

MummyJ36 · 26/08/2026 21:16

Throw this one back on the (rubbish) pile.

Mumtotornadoes · 26/08/2026 21:15

You're his nanny self-cleaning fleshlight. That's all he needs you for. He clearly has no intention of being a father to your baby as he has no intention of being a father to the kids he already has.

What's your housing situation? How easily can you leave? Go back on contraception asap.

Vulturesoverhead · 26/08/2026 21:15

Turtleneckhead · 26/08/2026 20:14

I find it very hard because posts on here and other forums say “you know what you were getting into when he had kids”, so when I first expressed that it wasn’t fair that I had to stay in when he went out, he basically told me that I was treating his children like a burden. That really hurt me, and I think it made me think that I was being selfish, and not cut out to he a stepmother. His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.

DH also takes great offence when I tell him we hardly spend any time together. He asks me for example - if I say well you’re out doing your hobbies and then DSCs are here so we (understandably) don’t get much couple time… that becomes a “you don’t see my children as family. We spend time with the kids, that’s our time”.

He said to me that he is more than just a dad and a husband. I pointed out that he had days to do what he wanted, all I was asking for is a couple of hours in the evening. He said well you assumed I’d be playing a one player game but obviously I meant a two player game.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

Dear god please make this click bait.

You need to leave. You are NOT his fucking nanny.

Gracez87 · 26/08/2026 21:13

I think a good test would be can he step up with his own kids, before you have one with him. Why don’t you book in to see friends or do something on one of the nights he has hobbies of a week when you have to stay in with the kids.

His reaction will tell you a lot.

cantthinkofagoodusername2026 · 26/08/2026 21:11

This is absolutely insane - he is already living like a teenager. My ovaries have shrivelled up reading this. I would run for the hills if I were you. If you don't want to do that, at least stop facilitating his selfish lifestyle. Perhaps you should take up a hobby that takes you out of the house four nights a week.

Ljzjta · 26/08/2026 21:11

he sounds like a selfish arse! Do not have children with him. Leaving you with his kids whilst he does his hobbies multiple times a week - big no! his selfishness will never change and will get worse. Please leave.

PepsiBook · 26/08/2026 21:09

Why on earth do you "obviously" have to stay home with his kids so he can go out 4 times a week?! They're not there to see you. They're not your kids, they're not your responsibility.
You can help, but it should not be your job.
Why would you want to have a baby with a man child? Imagine how much time he'd give your baby.
Your time alone with his kids aren't there should be special. He's only interested in himself.

SueKeeper · 26/08/2026 21:07

I'm really sorry you've been manipulated into this situation, but at least you've realised before getting pregnant.

He's incredibly selfish and that never really changes. Obviously his mum has brought him up to think other people are just characters in his life, not important in their own right. The manipulations over his DCs, that somehow you are bad for not staying in, but he can do as he likes is so warped.

Make some plans over the next few weeks, see friends, go to the cinema, please yourself. Tell him tonight that the childcare ends and the TTC ends, good luck.

Dymaxion · 26/08/2026 21:02

I mean fair play to him , he had children he didn't want to parent full-time so he found you and now he doesn't really have to parent at all ! You have to admire his chutzpah !

Bananalanacake · 26/08/2026 21:00

And what would have happened if when you first got together you had made it clear you wanted a relationship living apart with no possibility of living together until his youngest was 18. Would he have stuck around because he loved you or would he be off interviewing the next live in nanny.

Greenseacat · 26/08/2026 21:00

Why would you want to stay with this guy or have a child with him?

Move on.