DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

So he does realise that all these hobby nights and the all day gaming will have to stop when he is a FT parent to a baby, right?

So basically he doesn't ever choose to spend time with you, he just games and does his hobbies? It doesn't sound like you are any kind of priority in his life. And yet, if you were to leave, how would he carry on with gaming and hobbies when his are children there?

You are a babysitter. He will say and do anything required to keep you on the hook, because otherwise he will have to go through the process again to get someone else on board to enable his life. Don't have kids with him for Christ sake!

If all he wants is to be left alone to play video games then leave him to it. Leave him. This isn't a marriage and he can't even look after the kids he has. Please don't have a baby with him. You'll be sad and lonely, more so.
I said to my partner yesterday I would never go out with a gamer if I was ever single again. It's a time drain and addictive. My brother used to stay up all night and is pretty bad still now. Not compatible with family life.
He sounds selfish and mean to you to boot.

There's nothing confusing about it - you're being used by a selfish man baby who wants to spend his time playing video games instead of having a healthy adult relationship with you. This is not a person that you want to father your child. He's quite happy to leave you to stay home with his kids most nights so he can go out and enjoy himself.

Stop being a mug. End the relationship and work on yourself. Get some counselling. If you stay with him, you'll have many more years of misery ahead of you.

O this is awful, he's using you as a babysitter, so that he can go out and live his life as he wishes. Think about your own hobbies and needs, he doesn't appear to be acknowledging them, this will become worse if you do have a baby, the loneliness will worsen and intensify. I think i would be considering my future. Have you considered couples counselling? I would start there. My ex did not listen to me or agree to anything i suggested until i was finally ending tje relationship. How do you want the next 10yrs to look?

What you need to see here is that there’s no space for your feelings or perspective. If he can’t get his way, he turns into a victim. You’ve come to him because you’re feeling hurt and disconnected but the conversation ends up being about how you expressing your feelings makes him feel even MORE hurt and disconnected so suddenly you’re the problem.

In healthy relationships both partners see problems as something to work together to solve. They don’t make one person the problem.

@Turtleneckhead, he is cruel!

Are you in therapy for your self esteem issues or are you too busy working and babysitting to do that?

@Merryoldgoat Gaslighting and manipulation are real. This man has worked a number on @Turtleneckhead your impatience has no place here.

If you are sad now, imagine how much sadder you will be looking after a baby all alone (it’s so so tough even with a partner in the trenches with you) as well as his children half of the time. He’s obviously not planning on changing, he thinks it’s fine to leave his kids who aren’t yours with you, so he will certainly be leaving your own with you. Please don’t bank on him changing. He doesn’t sound cut out to be a husband or a father.

This is why you have to get out. Manipulators and con men, convince you that what they are selling is good. That who they are is who you want to be with. That he is right and you are wrong. That up is down and down is up. He is messing with your head.

No, OP, no. Imitated your stutter? To deflect and hurt and put you down all at the same time? No.

OP, know that there are so many women out here right now supporting you. He is cruel and manipulative. You need to end this before you fall pregnant. Not tonight, but soon.

His mother's support is to enable him and to make sure SHE doesn't end up looking after the kids.

Listen carefully to why his first marriage did not work out. Listen for the truth - I would lay money on the issue being exactly the same as what you are experiencing but he will probably have described it as his ex "not understanding him/not feeling connected/not caring about his needs etc".

You are not in the wrong here and your feelings are not wrong. He is using and abusing you.

when he speaks I feel like the unreasonable one
and
I don’t even know what I think anymore

Sorry OP, that is exactly how manipulation works.

Why is it ok for him to ask you to do the thing he likes but he won’t compromise and do something you enjoy. You can’t have a relationship where only one person gets to do things they enjoy.

Stop looking after his children. Tell him his hobbies are off the cards when his children are on their week at your place. Then make plans for yourself - go out - leave him in charge of his own children.

You are simply looking after him and his children while he plays.

Chuck him back in the fish pond and enjoy your freedom.

Flippin’ Nora no wonder he is on marriage no. 2!!!
You really want children with this man-child?? What a life he’s got particularly compared to yours.
Go the whole hog and have ‘doormat’ tattooed on your forehead … you might has well because this is how you are being treated by him.
He should be dumped - you are going to have this miserable life forever if you stay.

Op. When posts say ‘you know what you’re getting in to when you get married to a man with kids’ they mean that your time with him will be reduced because he will be parenting his kids. And that you won’t be his first priority so you need to be ok with that.
Not that you should become the free babysitter whilst he carries on living as if he’s single!

He is manipulating and guilt tripping you to get what he wants. What he is doing isn't normal husband behaviour with biological children or step children. He isn't good husband material.

This.

What a manipulative knob...and so is his mum!
Taking the easy way by guilt tripping you into looking after his kids.
You are young enough to start over OP, honestly, you throw a baby in the mix and you will feel very alone and a lot of resentment.
He will moan that he has to give up his life and it will just be awful for you.

Ick 🤮

And we are told men hide who they are there are no red flags to notice