DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

You are being controlled by him. He is gaslighting you.

It's not you, it's him. He's a vile pig.
LTB.

What a low blow imitating a stutter, dick head. You can do sooo much better op!

start getting plans in, for the nights he has hobbies, and say no can do to babysitting, and go out, see his reaction then! That’ll tell u all u need to know. if he starts having to give and take, and compromise (you know that won’t happen, he’s gonna stomp his feet), he’s going try and talk u into not going out, and say that you should be looking after the kids, as his hobbies were organised first etc!

The more you tell us, the more coercive this man is sounding and coercion is illegal

You are in an abusive relationship my love

Please ring women's aid for more advice

I know its scary but you sound like a women who wasnt like this - questioning her own thoughts - until this man came into your life

Gut instinct is always right, no matter how much you dont want to listen to it

I'm wondering how your self esteem is and how long things have been like this. Have you ever had some therapy? It's horrible when someone twists things in an argument so you end up doubting yourself. Is this how you want to spend your married life? He sounds awful.

If you get with someone with children, you should accept the children come before you. That's just the way it is.

Only, here you've got computer games, then very regular hobbies, and then the kids and you. He's a loser. If you have a baby with him, you will do that on your own too.

I'd actually understand the "day to be a teenager" thing if it was a rare thing, I know a few people planning similar when a much anticipated game is released later this year. But they aren't ignoring their spouses every evening in the run up.

this man is a shit father and a shit husband.

I honestly can't understand that it's not obvious to you both when he swans off to his hobby when he should be looking after his kids, leaving you to do it for him.

Why - seriously, I really hope you can stop and look inside yourself for the answer to this - have you enabled him to do this?

It's insane. The only answer imv is internalised misogyny, but I'd be happy to be proved wrong.

For god sake find your backbone and end it
He's not good for you

Agreed

he is supposed to be spending time with his kids !! start going out and have hobbies

are you sure you want to have a baby and be left alone - thus us how he treats his current children

He imitated your stutter. That in itself is gross and childish. I would have a serious think about this dickhead!

What explanation does he have for mocking your stammer? There's no way of spinning that to be acceptable.

Please put yourself first OP.

Watch how fast he gets his mummy round to watch the kids if you leave. Then how fast after that he's got a new willing girlfriend lined up.

He is wild. if you have a baby with him dont be on here in a year complaining he's no help...

Have a good look at this, and pay particular attention to the using children section (making her feel guilty about the children) and emotional abuse sections (making her feel bad about herself - mocking your speech
and making her feel guilty). Then have a good look at the other sections and see if you feel any others are relevant. Finally, have a really good think about whether this is a man you would want to be the father to your children, and to set a template for them of what a relationship looks like.

Once you have his kids, you’ll be completely stuck. Forgetting everything else, imitating your stammer is absolutely unforgivable. It shows just how little respect he has for you and, frankly, the level of contempt he has for you.
I honestly can’t say strongly enough that you need to leave this man. Having children is incredibly hard even when you have two people who genuinely share the load. When it’s one person carrying everything, it becomes so much harder. But when it’s one person with a gaslighting man-child (and his mother) it will be a lonely nightmare.

OP. I'm going to be blunt, I'm sorry, he saw you coming. You need to wise up. Stop TTC. He's a user. You can do better.

OP the situation you’re in is crazy making. You raise valid concerns then get gaslit and have it twisted. You feel lonely and rubbish. Stop TTC! He’s shown you your future as you can’t change someone else through begging or nagging. You either accept it or realise you deserve better.

I echo everyone who has said gain some distance. Go stay with family for a while. Continuous manipulation makes your brain foggy. Block him for a while so he can't manipulate you further. Only for a few days at first so you can gain some perspective and distance and let it sink in that he is, in fact, not a good man. Yes, you need to leave but its all well and good us saying you do, you need to feel it for yourself and the first step is accepting and internalising that he really doesn't like you, nor respects you, and that having a child with him will negatively impact your life for a very very long time. Then, once your brain is fresher, you can work out any practical details. He is using you. Don't let him

Here's a promise.

You're going to regret every single day of your life you throw away on this gaslighting, manipulative, useless waste of space. He's a walking fucking ick.

How on earth did you let yourself get saddled with him? Did he have a personality change?

Get out, run, don't walk.

Please, please please do not get pregnant to this wannabe teenager self obsessed pig of an oxygen thief..Your life will be one long relentless single parent drudge.

Do yourself the biggest favour possible. Leave him and do not look back.

Christ, he’s horrible. Really nasty. Lazy, uncaring, a shit dad, gaslighting you…

you deserve much better!!

I get so confused

Then stop. Big girl pants on and figure out what you want to do.
You know it's bullshit and he is manipulating you.
You certainly need to rethink children or it will be yet another child growing up thinking a useless man = good enough.

Leave this man and don’t look back.

DH and I both game but we are not like your man child and we still spend lots of time together doing various things.

No you fucking well would not be staying home4 nights a week if they were your kids, you’d be negotiating with your dh a reasonable time!! Why isn’t he home with them? Why is he so footloose and fancy free? If they were my kids and my dh thought that he’d be a single dad. What a selfish fucked, even your ANNIVERSARY was all about him.
please book something all 4 nights of the next week that his kids are here NOW. If he argues you say stop treating your kids like a burden, you barely see them and you’re their dad, they deserve time with you. From now on they are getting it and I’m getting hobbies and time to myself, if their dad thinks he doesn’t have to be here then I certainly don’t.
while you’re making plans to leave. What’s stopping you from leaving? The sooner the better. Please tell me you don’t both own the house or something like that. If you could just pack up your stuff and go stay with family now that would be best. He doesn’t deserve any more seconds of a live in nanny servant.

Run for the hills. None is that is ok. Do not under any circumstances have a baby with him

I'm so sorry he's ableist re your stutter. That alone is a perfectly good reason to end the relationship. He has no respect for you.