DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

DO NOT HAVE A BABY WITH THIS LOSER. Are you really married ? He’s really caught you here hasn’t he. A nanny with a fanny. RUN RUN RUN……

Sounds like you already have three children, although luckily two of them have another mum as well. Put the TTC on hold immediately until you figure things out and are absolutely sure you really want to become a single mum to one more.

Nope. Tell him to get in the sea.

OP this is an awful man. Please, please don’t have a baby with him and end up tied to him for life.

How old are you OP - this man is a grade A gas lighting tosser - do you not see how bad this is?! Do not bring another child into this.

I have never said this on MN in over a decade of being on here but you need to stop trying for a baby with this man and make plans to divorce and leave.

He is using you to take care of his children so that he has an unpaid babysitter while he does his ‘hobbies’.

Do you mock him when you’re frustrated with him?

And I said I don’t really like playing games and it’s not the same and then he said basically that ok you don’t think we’re connected that really hurts me, is all this a lie?

Plainly OP, yes, this is a lie. He isn’t upset that you aren’t connected, he’s upset you’re calling him out on his entirely self-centered view of how evenings should go and asking that your likes and interests be given the same consideration as his. I’ve rarely seen such a blatant piece of selfish manipulation.

You know what OP? You could be the most unreasonable person on the planet (you're clearly not though) and you can still leave a husband who is not meeting your needs. This is your life.
I think you can do do better than a man who treats you like the babysitter, makes fun of your speech, gaslights you, & wants to play video games for a whole day...
God it pains me to read of women treated this way by feckless husbands.

Fuxking hell @Turtleneckhead- get rid of this loser. Now. He’s using the living daylights out of you. Look up coercive control- it’s a form of domestic abuse. You’re a victim.

Out of curiosity op, I have a few questions:

How old are his children?
How long had he been separated when you two got together?
How long were you dating before he proposed?
Looking back now, do you think he love bombed you at the beginning?
How long have you been married, and how long have you been together altogether?

your comment about his kids being
in bed asleep when he does his hobby suggests they are quite young… which makes me think he lifebombed you and moved particularly fast, not really giving you the chance to see what he was really like.

What is his hobby that’s so important he has to do it 4 nights every single week and it takes precedent over being a father?

Did he actually ask you to look after the kids during this time, or did you just find yourself doing it?

Does he ever have any one on one time with his children? If so - how much?

You mentioned he’s on the 6 week summer holiday break… is he a teacher and if so what age group is he teaching? I’d be very concerned if I found out a man like him were teaching my kids in case any of his personal views make their way to them.

I can’t remember if you gave your ages - is there an age gap between you? Who’s idea was it to start trying for a baby?

you may not want to answer these, but please at least think about them yourself as it might start to clear the confusion.

Please do not become pregnant, it would be a big mistake. The man is a waste of space, you must be able to do better.

You really need to learn critical thinking. Flip flop thinking depending on who you're listening to , isn't the best way to live your life.

You are not a child and you must make your own decisions and act on them

You need to make sure that you are happy

If you are not happy change your life until you ARE happy

Ignore anyone who says this is selfish. It isn't

This. It’s why she joined in with the guilt-tripping - she doesn’t want to be lumbered with sole responsibility for these kids either when it’s his time with them. Poor children.

What a dick

LTB

He is truly evil and vile making fun of your speech

All the messages must be overwhelming. Do you have someone IRL to confide in family or a close friend that is trustworthy?

As for discussing the situation with him there is no discussing it because he knows when he's doing and he doesn't care

You found out that his mother is not a safe person to talk to so I would not ever confide in or say anything to her again

If you decide to leave him I would not discuss it or tell him in advance. he seems like a bully.

It wasn’t nothing, bc it matters to you. Was he doing any active listening to you?

He’s dismissive of your feelings bc he doesn’t care about them and they impact and threaten his lifestyle. It’s sad for you and the kids bc men like him settle with women as soon as they split from their children’s mother not bc they’re wildly in love, but bc they’re desperate to palm off the responsibilities of being a parent but don’t want to do less than 50:50 bc of the optics to their friends and family etc and also bc of child maintenance payments.

Guilt tripping you bc you don’t want to parent his children more than him is an old trick these arseholes pull to manipulate you.

Your life will be hell if you have a child with this man - you will have no life other than being trapped at home caring for his entire brood while he acts like a single teenager. Please divorce him, he’s even enlisted his mother to brainwash and browbeat you. Get out!

He is completely gaslighting you. This doesn't sound healthy or enjoyable for you. You deserve better. It's easier to extract yourself if you don't have any children together.

To be clear:

• He says playing games together is like watching a film together (I can see it)
• You say you don't like games, and you would watch a film together that one of you hates (Fair - I think you're right)
• He says "woah woah woah, so you don't feel connected - that's so mean" (a mad response)

This means that literally any concerns you have about the relationship gets flipped into you being mean. This is not a good man.

When are you meant to have hobbies? The 3 days remaining, meaning you have no evenings together whatsoever? Suggest this and see what his response is - not encouraging I’ll bet.

On the days the kids are here they are almost 100% his responsibility - he’s their dad. He can have game nights when they’re not at your place.

Why is he not doing this already?

Sounds to me like he's being a teenager on all the other days as well. I'd dump him

“His mum also reinforced this and said I’d stay in with my biological children (if I had them), so I was already treating them differently.”
Why isn’t their Dad staying in with his biological children!!!

Do not have a baby with him, he sounds controlling and abusive. Get your contraception sorted! You deserve so much better than him. Leave him, he has no respect for you. You are free child care!

If you do one thing as of today op, stop having sex with him or at least get yourself on contraception first.

do not have get pregnant.

then read this thread over and over until you understand that he is a thoroughly horrible man who you should not be inflicting as a father on a child who does not consent to it.

Hes also just imitiated my stutter during an argument about this, so I’m sitting in the bedroom.

This alone is reason enough to kick him into touch.