DH wants to be a teenager, no time for me… aibu?

He is manipulating you OP. He has an answer for everything and that makes you confused and feel like you are in the wrong, especially as his mum backs him up - it sounds like she has brought him up to be an entitled man child.

Look get this in perspective: it is not you that thinks his children are a burden, it’s him. He wants to be a teenager at 32 and spend all of his time on hobbies and gaming rather than look after his children. It’s not your job to stay at home minding them, it’s his.

Don't listen to his words, he’s a skilled gaslighter, observe his actions. He’s basically installed you as the children’s nanny. He has sex on tap, a regular babysitter and he can therefore carry on his life as if he was a single man. Of course you’re not unreasonable wanting to spend adult time with your husband. That’s normal; watching TV, having a leisurely supper, getting the chores done between you, inviting friends round. But he doesn’t want that, he wants to do his hobbies and his gaming.

Honestly I don’t think I could find such a selfish manipulator attractive. Think about going to therapy so you can learn to see things from your own perspective and really I think you should leave as he will never change,

Wtaf I have no words
First he needs to look after his Kids
Second u need to leave him
The end

You're enabling him to live like a teenager every day. How are you sexually attracted to that man child? I can't mother someone & then have sex with them, it feels wrong. Ewww.

I promise you he won’t change. I’ve been there.

So you're a nannie with a fannie and he's not even pretending you aren't.

run... and don't look back. He will never change.

Whilst you are staying in with this man’s children, there is a high likelihood that his ex-wife is sat at home, missing them and wishing she had them with her. The reason she doesn’t is because if she had him all the times he is not there to look after them (which is how it should be), he would have to pay her maintenance. He doesn’t want to have to do this, but he also doesn’t want to have to make changes to his life to hold up his part of the bargain. This is where you come in. You’re enabling this stingy, selfish, lazy man to cheat his ex-wife and avoid his responsibilities.

Right now, you probably feel embarrassed and ashamed and can’t believe you got in this position. You maybe think that his kids are lovely and you don’t mind spending time with them and you’d love to have kids of your own.

None of this is your fault. You can still have kids in your future. That lovely family unit that you’re prepared to invest so much into is still out there. Imagine how much better it would be if you were partnered with someone who was prepared to put in the same amount of effort that you do. That’s the goal. It’s a totally achievable goal - but it will not happen with this man.

This man will kill your dreams. If you have a child with him you will be bound to this selfish prick forever and he will be a massive barrier to you having the future happiness you deserve.

Restart whatever birth control you were on right now. You can sort everything else later.

So he doesn’t look after the kids he has already he palms them off and you’re actively trying to make another one with him? Why?

It is blindingly obvious why the relationship with his children’s mother broke down: he’s a selfish loser. Do NOT have a child with this man. Run as fast as you can.

Men with hobbies don’t dial them back when they have children. Men with ingrained entitlement and selfishness don’t magically change when they become a dad.

You deserve much more.

Now you know why his first marriage broke up...

He's totally wacko !

He mocked your stutter!

It won't get better from here.

On the bright side, at least you don't have kids and you're not tied to this man for life. You must leave (or kick him our, depending on whose place it is).

I feel sorry for his kids, they're the real losers here, because they're stuck with a shit father.

Please value yourself more and don't let him gaslight you into staying to be his unpaid babysitter.

He's manipulative and his mother is backing him up.

'If they were your bio kids, you'd stay in with them'... well, firstly, they are not. He's their dad. They are his responsibility. But even if they were your bio kids... you think most husbands go out several nights a week leaving their wives at home with the children? That isn't a marriage I'd want.

If I were you, I'd stop ttc, cut my losses and divorce him. You can do better.

Obviously don’t get pregnant, that would be a terrible idea just as marrying him was. Now you can see why his first wife left him… He’s already acting like a teenager daily and he uses you for childcare to make it happen. Leave. Now.

He is abusive and gaslighting op

Remember it's not up to him to decide what your boundaries are. Or what you want in a relationship

The gaming sounds pathetic selfish and honestly so deeply unattractive

Please leave him op you will feel better immediately

Doubting yourself is a sign you are in an abusive relationship. I’ve been there and it was subtle manipulation and took me a long time to recognise. It’s sometimes hard when you are in the middle of it and it just seems like helping someone out day to day. Look up DARVO making himself the victim when you stand up for yourself is a classic tactic. You are already alone so don’t be scared of leaving.

Please listen to your instincts, not his words nor the gaslighting and control he and his mother are exerting over you. You feel this is wrong, because it is. And he has manipulated you into not trusting yourself. We can all see what he is doing to you. And unfortunately my lovely, you are a replaceable pawn. Give yourself the biggest gift you can and walk away from this and find yourself a man, who truly cares about and loves you for who you are.

He is gaslighting you. He's horrible.

Get out OP.

When our first child was born my husband sold his playstation (his own decision). He's a twat - not just for the gaming but for how he's treating you. Like a nanny. You deserve better.

I'm not sure why you want to spend any more time with this man. I would want to leave him to his video games and hobbies.

You asked in your OP if you were being controlling. You are not. He doesn't want to stay at home with his children but guilt trips you by saying that you are treating them as a burden. You have been manipulated by your dh into becoming a doormat and a free babysitter. His mother probably backed him up because she knows she will be next in line for free babysitting if you don't do it.

It's called gaslighting. He doesn't seek to bond with you- he just wants to do what he wants to do. And for him feeling close to you acting hurt - that's turning the tables on you. You are USEFUL to him. Tell him you will no longer babysit in the evening. His reaction will tell you all you need.

This is so true - there is no point talking to people like this and that is a tough lesson to learn. What they say relates to a fictional alternate reality which they actually believe. Look at what is actually happening and act on that.

You have no responsibility for these kids and with every update he sounds more vile.

This is why his ex is his ex, she was smart. Don’t get yourself in some permanent situation with him aka baby

Sorry I meant gaslighted you.

Your husband is a nasty, manipulative piece of shit, as is his mum.

If you don’t leave this man, he’ll destroy you, he’ll ruin your life. You’ll be a shell of a person, effectively as a domestic slave who he expects to be able to shag in the moments between his gaming and hobbying.

LTB or be let the rest of your life be an absolute misery - your choice.

its not you it’s him. Once you start to stop making his life ridiculously easy you’ll see his true not very nice character. There is nothing to stop you saying, it’s your contact time, I’m going out.