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1st cousin marriage

1000 replies

Wiseplumnet · 26/08/2026 16:00

AIBU to ask your opinion on 1st cousin marriage?.I have read that the government is looking to ban it. I know it is more prevelent ( but declining) in the UK among people of Asian origin. I am not coming from a judgemental or racist angle. I am just interested to know how mum'snetters of all ethnicities feel about marriage between 1st cousin's. I know it used to be more common in the west at one time, apart from keeping money/property in families, people travelled less widely, so there was less choice of marriage partners.I worked with a girl ( White British) who was in a secret relationship with her 1st cousin and they are very reluctant to tell their family, so there seems to be a cultural taboo in 1st cousins being romantically involved.Genetic factors resulting in disabilities (statistically twice as many as in unrelated parents) is sometimes given as a reason for banning cousin marriage, however we have genetic screening now, and disabilities aren't always serious.As so many babies died in infancy before we had vaccines, better health care etc , it was probably difficult to differentiate whether the close relationship between parents was the cause of any disabilities their children . Speaking for myself,I can't imagine wanting to marry any of the cousins I was brought up with as they seem more like brothers to me, but I could understand why someone may be attracted to a 1st cousin who they first met as adults. Or does it give you the instant 'Yuk' ? Also is banning 1st cousin marriage the same as banning 1st cousin sexual relationships and children, or would that become illegal? Maybe there's no need for a legal ban as the tradition will just die out over time

OP posts:
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LifetimesAgo · 27/08/2026 16:33

Stormyrose · 27/08/2026 16:27

You see no issue with incest???

Some of the post here are stomach churning and idiotic in equal measure.

LifetimesAgo · 27/08/2026 16:32

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 27/08/2026 15:27

I believe midwives have been instructed to minimise the risks posed to children born from first cousin marriage.

https://unherd.com/newsroom/why-is-the-nhs-still-defending-cousin-marriage/

Absolutely appalling that the NHS is tiptoeing around this, even reinforcing people’s anti-scientific belief that it is not an issue, and therefore condemning more children to miserable lives as well as costing us all a fortune in medical and social care for completely avoidable birth defects.

5MinuteArgument · 27/08/2026 16:29

tartyflette · 27/08/2026 15:04

If first cousin marriage is banned will that also extend to first cousin sexual relationships?
Could be an absolute minefield to detect and then prosecute.

It's different from sibling marriage - first cousins may not be brought up together and might only meet as adults. They might even be unaware of each other’s existence.
I think genetic counselling and investigations into family backgrounds and histories should be mandatory rather than any outright ban.

I have no skin in this game and I was surprised by the vehemence of those who supported a ban, calling such marriages ‘disgusting’ etc. Problematic, unfortunate and perhaps sad might describe them better.

My objection isn't a moral one, it's because of the excessive cost of looking after the disabled children of first cousin marriages going down the generations. Also the suffering of the children themselves.

Amongst the white British community, people generally don't marry their cousins. So it's a cultural thing that would ideally die out. Banning it might help it to die out.

Stormyrose · 27/08/2026 16:27

LeaderBee · 27/08/2026 16:05

Morally? in a completely consentual scenario? No, not at all.
I'm aware there is an issue amongst pakistani/indian/south asian communities etc, but as isolated incidents where people have genuinely chosen to be with each other without societal pressure, no, i dont see a problem whatsoever.

You see no issue with incest???

Midnightmoonface · 27/08/2026 16:17

LeaderBee · 27/08/2026 16:05

Morally? in a completely consentual scenario? No, not at all.
I'm aware there is an issue amongst pakistani/indian/south asian communities etc, but as isolated incidents where people have genuinely chosen to be with each other without societal pressure, no, i dont see a problem whatsoever.

Nothing wrong with an aunt and nephew sexual relation? Nothing wrong with adult father daughter sexual relations?
You literally don’t see a moral issue with any blood family sexual relations?

I find that incredibly odd, the general accepted version of morality is absolutely against blood sexual relationships. It’s a really weird thing to argue in favour of.

kombuchabucha · 27/08/2026 16:13

Super weird for me. Definitely an "instant yuck"!

Also is banning 1st cousin marriage the same as banning 1st cousin sexual relationships and children, or would that become illegal? Maybe there's no need for a legal ban as the tradition will just die out over time

Very interesting point OP. I knew marriage between siblings was illegal but I actually just had to google whether sexual relations between siblings was illegal or not. I also recently googled when marriage between first cousins was made illegal in the UK - I had been watching a period drama where first cousins got married and I thought "ew gross glad that's not allowed anymore", only to find it is!

If parliament decided to make marriage between first cousins illegal, I think the law around siblings sets a reasonable precedent to make both marriage and sexual relations between first cousins illegal.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 27/08/2026 16:07

This reply has been deleted

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Ovalframes · 27/08/2026 16:06

LeaderBee · 27/08/2026 16:05

Morally? in a completely consentual scenario? No, not at all.
I'm aware there is an issue amongst pakistani/indian/south asian communities etc, but as isolated incidents where people have genuinely chosen to be with each other without societal pressure, no, i dont see a problem whatsoever.

Do you really believe this?

Ovalframes · 27/08/2026 16:05

Twogreenbottles · 27/08/2026 15:58

I agree with this, but it won't be long before someone shouts "Racist ! " and it isn't implemented.

Already happened/ happening. That is why it is still going on.
I doubt that love, choice or consent have much to do with it, tbh. Many young girls are married to "cousins" from the family original village and either remain there or the cousin is brought back to the UK. Coercion and tradition are at play.

LeaderBee · 27/08/2026 16:05

Midnightmoonface · 27/08/2026 16:01

You don’t see an issue with blood family sexual relations at all?

Morally? in a completely consentual scenario? No, not at all.
I'm aware there is an issue amongst pakistani/indian/south asian communities etc, but as isolated incidents where people have genuinely chosen to be with each other without societal pressure, no, i dont see a problem whatsoever.

LifetimesAgo · 27/08/2026 16:04

Twogreenbottles · 27/08/2026 15:58

I agree with this, but it won't be long before someone shouts "Racist ! " and it isn't implemented.

That’s exactly why it hasn’t been implemented to date, which is disgusting. Children are needlessly being condemned to miserable, painful, short lives when this is completely avoidable, for fear that making evidence-based policy that is scentifically necessary to prevent harm might “upset” some of the perpetrators who are deliberately inflicting that harm.

Our politicians should hang their heads in shame.

Midnightmoonface · 27/08/2026 16:01

LeaderBee · 27/08/2026 15:48

Just because there's a law in place that says you shouldn't do it doesn't mean it will stop it...?

Hey guess what, people still drank during prohibition.

Look, I do get this is a topic the majority of people will find entirely repugnant, but morally, i don't think it is an issue.

Edited

You don’t see an issue with blood family sexual relations at all?

Twogreenbottles · 27/08/2026 15:58

Ovalframes · 27/08/2026 15:49

What we have right now are generations of incestuous marriages, resulting in large numbers of damaged children in one particular community. This is the reason for the possibility of creating a law.

I agree with this, but it won't be long before someone shouts "Racist ! " and it isn't implemented.

Twogreenbottles · 27/08/2026 15:53

@Hoardasurass Smokers pay extra tax to cover the inevitable cost of the extra care they will need for the smoking related illnesses that their choices cause
When I smoked, many years ago, I was always very cynical about it. I maintained that the government didn't want anyone to stop smoking because they obtained such a huge revenue from it in tax. This wasn't necessarily ring-fenced and applied to health care.
Also smokers didn't tend to live as long so there wasn't the need to pay out their pension.
(I know of 2 heavy smokers who never lived long enough to draw their pension.)
This still applies.
Tobacco Tax Revenue: Tobacco duties and related taxes bring in roughly £10 billion to £11 billion a year for the UK Treasury.
Direct NHS Costs: Treating smoking-attributable diseases within the NHS is estimated to cost between £2.2 billion and £3.6 billion annually.
Comparison: Direct healthcare and smoking-related costs are covered roughly 3 to 4 times over by tobacco duty alone

HRTQueen · 27/08/2026 15:53

LeaderBee · 27/08/2026 15:48

Just because there's a law in place that says you shouldn't do it doesn't mean it will stop it...?

Hey guess what, people still drank during prohibition.

Look, I do get this is a topic the majority of people will find entirely repugnant, but morally, i don't think it is an issue.

Edited

pointless argument we all know laws are broken all the time that is why our prisons are so full

every law in place has been broken but many laws put in place prevent more people being harmed. A good example is you have to wear a seat belt (with a very few exceptions)

Ovalframes · 27/08/2026 15:49

LeaderBee · 27/08/2026 15:28

Children born of incestuous relationships have a very low chance to have congenital deformaties or inherited diseases, true, it is greater than unrelated parents but real problems will only tend to appear after generations of incest related births, which i find to be an unlikely scenario given the current prevelance.

I'm spitballing here too, but i'd imagine a couple in a scenario like this would have already considered the risk and may agree not to have children for the reasons you suggest.

From a moral perspective, if both adults are consenting however, I have zero problems with this.

What we have right now are generations of incestuous marriages, resulting in large numbers of damaged children in one particular community. This is the reason for the possibility of creating a law.

LeaderBee · 27/08/2026 15:48

HRTQueen · 27/08/2026 15:45

oh well that is ok then

when not thinking logically because you are in love you can do as you please

glad that is cleared up

Just because there's a law in place that says you shouldn't do it doesn't mean it will stop it...?

Hey guess what, people still drank during prohibition.

Look, I do get this is a topic the majority of people will find entirely repugnant, but morally, i don't think it is an issue.

HRTQueen · 27/08/2026 15:45

LeaderBee · 27/08/2026 15:31

Personally, I am childfree, but sometimes being in love with someone doesn't always make you think logically.

oh well that is ok then

when not thinking logically because you are in love you can do as you please

glad that is cleared up

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 27/08/2026 15:45

That’s irrelevant.
Would you be hypothetically prepared to hypothetically have children from a hypothetical first cousin marriage, cos those children have ‘a very low chance of congenital deformities…’?

Twogreenbottles · 27/08/2026 15:44

KTheGrey · 27/08/2026 14:21

All Austen’s heroines are on the marriage mart far too young by our standards. Fanny and Marianne and Catherine are seventeen; Lydia is sixteen. I love Jane Austen but I don’t think her heroines’ experiences are wholly appropriate models for successful modern marriages.

I would agree with what you say, but bear in mind that death in childbirth in Jane Austen's time was 4 to 5 women out of 1,000.
For comparison the death rate now is 12.8 women per 100,000.
So a man might have more than one wife in his life-time and, should he be widowered would be looking for a 'younger model' to continue the family line.

Have a walk around any churchyard containing Victorian graves and have a look at all the tragedies listed there, and you will see the backdrop for her stories.

LifetimesAgo · 27/08/2026 15:42

tartyflette · 27/08/2026 15:04

If first cousin marriage is banned will that also extend to first cousin sexual relationships?
Could be an absolute minefield to detect and then prosecute.

It's different from sibling marriage - first cousins may not be brought up together and might only meet as adults. They might even be unaware of each other’s existence.
I think genetic counselling and investigations into family backgrounds and histories should be mandatory rather than any outright ban.

I have no skin in this game and I was surprised by the vehemence of those who supported a ban, calling such marriages ‘disgusting’ etc. Problematic, unfortunate and perhaps sad might describe them better.

The crime of incest currently includes not just siblings but parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles. It would not be remotely difficult to extend this to cousins as well. It would make it much easier for women to get help when subjected to these unwanted “relationships” or “marriages” by coercion because coercion/ rape are hard to prove but proving someone is your cousin is very easy.

The laws prohibiting incest function perfectly well so simply extending them, based on the scientific evidence, to cover cousins as well is a simple amendment of a few words to the existing law. Then, when this behaviour is likely to carry a prison sentence of up to 7 years far few people will engage in it in the first place, and in those cases where people do it will be far easier for women (because it is mainly women who are coerced into it) to go to the authorities, get moved to a refuge away from their abusive families if necessary, and have the perpetrators prosecuted.

It isn’t “a minefield to detect” any more than the current categories of incest set out in the law, and the more pertinent fact is that it provides women with proof that they are being treated in a criminal way rather than them having to prove coercion/ abuse/ rape/ forced marriage, which is much harder if their family all support each other and lie about it.

Of course it’s disgusting for people to be incestuous. The natural aversion to this, just like the other instinctive human disgust mechanisms (e.g. our aversion to rotting organic matter, the smell of food that has gone off, mould, etc) have developed precisely to protect us from illness and disease. This is no different. However, since there are clearly cases where the natural aversion isn’t enough to deter people (as with other crimes like murder, GBH, child abuse etc) we have laws to ensure that those who have the propensity to overcome the natural aversion to such damaging behaviour are prevented from carrying it out to the greatest extent possible, to protect their potential victims and wider society.

Genetic counselling and education has not reduced this abhorrent behaviour significantly enough to be acceptable despite this approach being used for decades now. The rate of occurrence will be decreased far, far faster by taking the simple steps of refusing marriage licences to first cousins and adding sex with a cousin to the definition of incest in law. We also know, for the reasons explained in detail earlier in the thread, that even detailed genetic testing (let alone “genetic counselling”) cannot sufficiently reduce the unnecessary risk posed by cousin marriage because many of the conditions causing the birth defects are not testable, so that is not a solution. There is a very simply solution that involves no significant restriction on anybody’s civil liberties and would instantly reduce immense deliberate harm needlessly being caused to innocent children, as well as reduce abuse of women as a side-effect, and cut the immense cost of this appalling behaviour to the state.

Why would we not make it illegal when the evidence of the benefits of doing so are so clear and there is no drawback whatsoever from doing so?

LeaderBee · 27/08/2026 15:42

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 27/08/2026 15:35

Is that a yes, or a no?

If i wanted them? Yes, but as stated, I don't want children.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 27/08/2026 15:35

Is that a yes, or a no?

LeaderBee · 27/08/2026 15:31

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 27/08/2026 15:29

Would you roll the dice on your own children’s health?

Personally, I am childfree, but sometimes being in love with someone doesn't always make you think logically.

ChimpanzeeThatMonkeyNews · 27/08/2026 15:29

LeaderBee · 27/08/2026 15:28

Children born of incestuous relationships have a very low chance to have congenital deformaties or inherited diseases, true, it is greater than unrelated parents but real problems will only tend to appear after generations of incest related births, which i find to be an unlikely scenario given the current prevelance.

I'm spitballing here too, but i'd imagine a couple in a scenario like this would have already considered the risk and may agree not to have children for the reasons you suggest.

From a moral perspective, if both adults are consenting however, I have zero problems with this.

Would you roll the dice on your own children’s health?

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