New baby visiting

Out of interest what decade did you have your children?

How much damage did your birth cause and how much pain relief were you on?

In all honesty, the last thing I wanted after a section would have been anyone sat next to my bed while I was laying there with a catheter in, bleeding and uncomfortable. It’s hot, noisy, babies crying. I didn’t have visitors at the hospital for any of my 3, or at home for a few weeks after (I had scar complications with all three and horrendous recoveries).

My last baby was born during Covid and it was bliss. Quiet ward, no one allowed in. They chucked me out 12 hours after my section (I thought they were joking, but nope! Out I went), but could have stayed longer.

Relatives have a whole lifetime to get to know the baby, I’ve never seen the obsession that some have about getting in the hospital as soon as humanly possible.

With my first two, I was in for a couple of days after sections and there were some women with people crowded around them.

Birth is not a circus.

Directly after birth is about rest and recovery and establishing breast feeding for the mom if they choose that and bonding for both parents.

Visitors are a choice.

It’s only someone seen on MN.

Everyone I know in RL is normal and loves influx of visitors when a baby is born. Some of my best memories for sure.

To be honest I could have done without my parents rocking up uninvited at the hospital first thing in the morning after I’d had DS. It was a very long and painful back to back labour ending in an emergency c-section late the night before. I was exhausted, catheterised and fairly immobile still from the epidural and the last thing I wanted was them sat beside my bed for several hours. MIL on the other hand waited to be invited and only stayed 30 minutes so I could rest.

If you read the U.K. Care Quality Commission report and news reports of several maternity care scandals, you will see that childbirth in the U.K. is now often unsafe and traumatic sadly.

Little to no post natal care - certainly none of a practical nature ( as in helping with baby to let mum eat or wash) is offered in many places meaning women often leave hospital too quickly and completely exhausted and ill. Even twenty years ago, my own mother and MIL were aghast at the apparent deterioration in care compared to when they gave birth.

The rise in c-sections (to above 50%) and assisted births has very much prolonged maternal recovery though. These are all recent statistical changes that have had a massive impact on post birth visitor culture. There's also less time in hospitals overall due to bed and staff shortages, meaning people are discharged for visits earlier.

Hospital visiting regulations have changed post COVID too, meaning that it's no longer easy to pop in and have the visit be done nice and quickly in an environment you don't have to clean or offer tea in. I could only have two visitors the whole time I was there, and they had to be the same ones.

Add to that the fact there's very little help for new mums these days, with our own mum's not yet at retirement age in a lot of cases due to an increase in women in the workplace & increased retirement age.

That being said, some people do take it to the absolute extremes and we typically only hear those edge cases on Mumsnet or social media.

I think most people don't do this. The ones you read about on MN are generally the ones with difficult relatives, like a demanding DM, or a MIL who thinks she knows everything better than the new parents. If I had these people in my life I would keep them away too! Luckily mine are all lovely so they're all welcome straight away.

I think what's actually changed is that people are now generally encouraged to stand up to bullying/inappropriate older relatives, rather than just bow down to their demands.

That’s great for you. It was your choice to have visitors.

Some women don’t want that and that fine too.

Exactly!

Everyone has a right to do whatever they want as it's their birth, their baby, their decision

This is the beginning and end of it. MIL don't get to override the decisions of the parents. yabvu

It seems to be common on MN but I’ve never known anyone to do it in real life.

As usual, it's social media. It's trendy for new mums to be absolutely awful to everyone around them but expect the royal treatment in return.