Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents favour my sister and her children

13 replies

TheUmberViewer · 25/08/2026 20:30

Hi, Lomg time watcher, first time posting.

I have a very complicated relationship with my parents and no longer have anything to do with my sister and her children. I will try and keep it as brief as I can.

My sister was in a DV relationship for over 20 years, met him at very young and left school at 13! She has two children to him and honestly things he has done to my sister, kids and our family I could write a book! I eventually had to get him arrested and call social services on my sister to shock her into finally not taking him back again and took in her children for a while to make sure she would press charges, anyway it went to CPS and he went to prison for two years. As soon as he was released she lied to me again and contacted him and let him see the children after they were finally starting healing over the abuse and once again my parents just accept it. My mental health was declining and I knew I had to cut ties with them all as my dad is very controlling and tells me I should go along with it all, even though she's never worked, drinks, takes drugs and her children don't even attend school. My parents run her and kids about here there and everywhere, give them money, take the kids on day trips, at their beck and call!

I got back speaking to my parents after 5 years and I told them I do not want anything to do with my sister as she an absolute disgrace for so many things she has done to my parents and they just accept it and seem to love her drama filled life, it's like they want to be needed as myself, husband and children are independent, hard working and we don't rely on them for anything. My children both make to time to visit, get them treats and pop in on their days off, call them for a chat, whereas my sisters kids just use them for money and are completely disrespectful, but my parents never take my children out for a day trip etc and all I get told is well, you lot are OK because you are all busy working and have holidays.
My parents think they are helping them but all I see is the completely same pattern of events with my sister and now both her children who drop out of school at 13 and older one doesn't work. Just because we work hard for what we have we seem to be very over looked and many people have told me, feel my family are jealous and hate the fact we don't need them. I just feel sorry for my children never getting invited out for things and if I gets brought up I am told I am jealous. Despite us always trying get everyone together, hosting BBQ's, birthdays, inviting them out,hosting Xmas. And most of the time they will decline invites as worried what my sister is doing but most of the time she doesn't give two hoots and goes on benders leaving my parents alone on Xmas day when they could have spent the day with us.

OP posts:
Dreamerinme · 25/08/2026 20:34

You’re never going to change your parents, you can only change how you respond to them.

Time to focus on your own family and keep your parents and DSis at a distance.

MyLimeGuide · 25/08/2026 20:41

Stop trying to compete against your sister im sure she is jealous of you also.

Mycatmax · 25/08/2026 21:12

You need to drop the rope. You’re never going to get a different response or outcome.

Itsabitweirdinhereinnit · 25/08/2026 21:21

We’re only a couple of posts in but it’s already covered. It’s nasty and unfair. It’s not going to change. Your parents are likely to be feeling that they’re the saviours of this shit family and have nothing left over for you. Make peace with what you have, or cut contact and forget about the lot of them.

whippersnapper55 · 25/08/2026 21:34

Really though, would you want your children involved in their unhealthy family dynamics? I'd be keeping my children as far away from them all as possible, including your parents!

You can't change who they are or what they do - but you can make the choice to disengage completely with it all. Stop putting yourself in the position of not being chosen again and again. It is only causing you pain.

Concentrate on your own family, the one you have made for yourself. Spend time with those who love you and not those that are not deserving of your time and attention.

Watchoutfortheslowaraf · 25/08/2026 21:36

I’d steer well clear. They sound like they’re always going to favour your sister and your kids and never change. Protect yourself and your kids.

Notasbigasithink · 25/08/2026 21:47

TheUmberViewer · 25/08/2026 20:30

Hi, Lomg time watcher, first time posting.

I have a very complicated relationship with my parents and no longer have anything to do with my sister and her children. I will try and keep it as brief as I can.

My sister was in a DV relationship for over 20 years, met him at very young and left school at 13! She has two children to him and honestly things he has done to my sister, kids and our family I could write a book! I eventually had to get him arrested and call social services on my sister to shock her into finally not taking him back again and took in her children for a while to make sure she would press charges, anyway it went to CPS and he went to prison for two years. As soon as he was released she lied to me again and contacted him and let him see the children after they were finally starting healing over the abuse and once again my parents just accept it. My mental health was declining and I knew I had to cut ties with them all as my dad is very controlling and tells me I should go along with it all, even though she's never worked, drinks, takes drugs and her children don't even attend school. My parents run her and kids about here there and everywhere, give them money, take the kids on day trips, at their beck and call!

I got back speaking to my parents after 5 years and I told them I do not want anything to do with my sister as she an absolute disgrace for so many things she has done to my parents and they just accept it and seem to love her drama filled life, it's like they want to be needed as myself, husband and children are independent, hard working and we don't rely on them for anything. My children both make to time to visit, get them treats and pop in on their days off, call them for a chat, whereas my sisters kids just use them for money and are completely disrespectful, but my parents never take my children out for a day trip etc and all I get told is well, you lot are OK because you are all busy working and have holidays.
My parents think they are helping them but all I see is the completely same pattern of events with my sister and now both her children who drop out of school at 13 and older one doesn't work. Just because we work hard for what we have we seem to be very over looked and many people have told me, feel my family are jealous and hate the fact we don't need them. I just feel sorry for my children never getting invited out for things and if I gets brought up I am told I am jealous. Despite us always trying get everyone together, hosting BBQ's, birthdays, inviting them out,hosting Xmas. And most of the time they will decline invites as worried what my sister is doing but most of the time she doesn't give two hoots and goes on benders leaving my parents alone on Xmas day when they could have spent the day with us.

Most families have a 'golden child'
Nothing you ever say or do will change they dynamics.
Make peace with it now otherwise it will consume you forever.....

Ella31 · 25/08/2026 22:01

The most helpful thing I learnt when dealing with people is to accept you will never change their mindset and behaviour but you can absolutely change how you respond to their behaviour. Live for you now. You have done everything you can.

Cheesemaker26 · 26/08/2026 04:27

Notasbigasithink · 25/08/2026 21:47

Most families have a 'golden child'
Nothing you ever say or do will change they dynamics.
Make peace with it now otherwise it will consume you forever.....

Show quote history

No. No, they don't. Some do, of course.

Cheesemaker26 · 26/08/2026 04:28

They won't change, have no intentions of it, don't want to. None of them. As someone already said, drop the rope.

And keep calling social services as you believe the children are neglected and in danger.

Granville82 · 26/08/2026 05:41

You've done so well to come from a family like this and to have produced the family you now have. By the grace of God and well done!

It's totally fair that you feel your parents are being one sided and not giving your own kids their "due". At the same time, you can't control this and cutting them out will likely make you feel worse, not better.

Do your kids notice this/feel this or are they happy with their relationship with their grandparents?

If they're noticing it, you need to find a way to help them understand that - whether wrongly or rightly - your parents are devoting all this energy to your sister's family because those kids need it so badly.

If your kids feel ok about the situation, then it's mainly you who feels bad (legitimately enough). Can you find a way to come to accept your parents as imperfect? Acknowledge that it makes you feel bad but not allow yourself to be consumed by that? Look on the bright side - your own success, the positive contact between your kids and their grandparents, how great your kids are - and focus on what is working here?

There's a lot to celebrate here, mainly of your own doing. 🌺

menopausequeen · 26/08/2026 06:15

I have experienced this years ago with my in-laws. They gave support , time and attention to my DH siblings who were in broken relationships or going out drinking and needing to move in with in-laws or use them as childcare for weeks at a time. In laws would moan about it to us but never say no to DH siblings and I feel they actually encouraged the poor parenting from the siblings. We worked hard and patented our dc and only ever asked for occasional help which was usually denied in favour of the other dgc. We also didn’t get invited to lots of family occasions.
Now the dc are adults in-laws always say how well brought up our dc are and would love to see more of them and us but I don’t make an effort with them or prioritise them.
Just accept the situation but remember you also can control what you give back.

Smokeywater · 26/08/2026 06:42

Your DPs ,as your DSis parent are partly responsible for this awful setup - there is something wrong in the DPs make up you aren’t seeing -what childhoods did they have?
Keep away would be best advice

New posts on this thread. Refresh page