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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel annoyed my father blocks plan for Christmas abroad

167 replies

spanishsangria · 25/08/2026 19:26

I appreciate it's August, but it's a Christmas AIBU.

Every year for Christmas I travel up to Glasgow to be with my family. It's me, parents, and younger brother. For Christmas day we see grandparents for a while but they do their own thing.

DH and I have never spent Christmas together. His elderly mum lives in Cape Town. DH and her usually spend Christmas away somewhere warm, this year it's Mauritius.

I suggested to my parents and brother that maybe we could also go to Mauritius and rent our own villa for Christmas. My brother was very keen as he wanted to try a Christmas in the sun. My mother was also keen, but my father said absolutely not as he "is not leaving his family at Christmas" and he wants to "spend Christmas with family". I appreciate we have elderly relatives, but they are not infirm and my family see them multiple times a week. We can all afford it so money not the issue.

AIBU to be annoyed by this?

OP posts:
Flowerponyfan · 26/08/2026 19:09

You’re not a child, why does your father dictate what you do for Christmas? You are a married woman, surely you want to spend Christmas with your husband, and your parents should understand.

Ethelspagetti · 26/08/2026 19:04

Why is it unreasonable of him? He doesn’t want to leave out elderly relatives who cannot travel at Christmas. Why don’t you go with your husband and FIL?

TheDenimPoet · 26/08/2026 18:54

Go to Cape Town, it sounds brilliant! You can see your parents either before or after your trip. There's a lot of compromise when you're married, and I imagine most people don't have both sides of the family together at Christmas!

I wouldn't want to go either. But if my son/daughter wanted to go, I wouldn't stand in their way.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 26/08/2026 18:36

Just go to Mauritius with your husband and MIL. It is lovely!

Buffs · 26/08/2026 18:19

bridgetreilly · 25/08/2026 19:30

YABU to think that your plans are in any way affected by theirs. Of course it’s fine for you to spend Christmas with your DH. Just do it?

This.

Naurrr · 26/08/2026 13:58

100+ replies all saying the same thing, and no reply from @spanishsangria 😄

AbsintheMakesTheHeartGrowFonder · 26/08/2026 12:55

Your father isn't blocking anything. He's not stopping you from going to Mauritius. It's perfectly reasonable that he doesn't want to come with you.

PantsinRiceKrispies · 26/08/2026 12:06

Well, if you absolutely have to do what your Dad says, then you'll be spending Christmas in Glasgow AGAIN.

How has he "blocked" it?

Just go.

Dearg · 26/08/2026 11:48

Surely your DH is your primary relationship now you are married ? Cut the cord. Go with your DH.

You are, presumably, an adult, so why the need for your dad to approve your plans?

RampantIvy · 26/08/2026 11:43

When DH and I married we told both sets of parents that we would alternate Christmas with each family. There was no way that DH and I wouldn't spend Christmas with each other.

@spanishsangria I agree with other posters that the way you do it is weird to me. Don't you like your husband very much?

Viviennemary · 26/08/2026 11:35

If your Father doesn't want to go then that's up to him. Go if you want along wiith your brother and your Mum if they want go.

Bellaboo01 · 26/08/2026 11:31

spanishsangria · 25/08/2026 19:26

I appreciate it's August, but it's a Christmas AIBU.

Every year for Christmas I travel up to Glasgow to be with my family. It's me, parents, and younger brother. For Christmas day we see grandparents for a while but they do their own thing.

DH and I have never spent Christmas together. His elderly mum lives in Cape Town. DH and her usually spend Christmas away somewhere warm, this year it's Mauritius.

I suggested to my parents and brother that maybe we could also go to Mauritius and rent our own villa for Christmas. My brother was very keen as he wanted to try a Christmas in the sun. My mother was also keen, but my father said absolutely not as he "is not leaving his family at Christmas" and he wants to "spend Christmas with family". I appreciate we have elderly relatives, but they are not infirm and my family see them multiple times a week. We can all afford it so money not the issue.

AIBU to be annoyed by this?

So your parents don't want to go?
You go with your partner and have a great time.
Maybe your Brother could also join you, if that works out.

Nearly50omg · 26/08/2026 11:31

Why aren’t you spending Xmas with your husband? You aren’t a child anymore!!

BestZebbie · 26/08/2026 11:19

Go with your DH this year and next year invite your DH and MIL to Glasgow

icouldholditwithacobweb · 26/08/2026 11:17

YABU because you are blocking yourself from going. You cannot force your family to go with you, but YOU can go to Mauritius with your husband and his mother. Spend Christmas wherever you want to spend Christmas.

CalmFairy · 26/08/2026 11:12

Whats with all the christmas threads lately, it august.

AnnaQuayRules · 26/08/2026 10:36

I can't understand never having Christmas with your husband. Usually couples where families don't live near each other do turn and turn about.

Just go to Mauritius.

Wowthatwasabigstep · 26/08/2026 08:28

Go, without a doubt. Christmas in the sun is fabulous. If your Father doesn’t want to go that is his decision but you have free will, live your life.

toastycold · 26/08/2026 07:38

The only thing trapping you is your own mindset.

Sartre · 26/08/2026 07:25

Go with your DH and invite your brother. I think your set up is weird, most couples alternate Christmas between families.

Ismellarathmmm · 26/08/2026 07:23

You have never spent a Christmas with your husband????

You are not a child! I dont understand this obligation to them? Just have a second Christmas a week later or something

CowTown · 26/08/2026 06:48

pinkishtongue · 25/08/2026 21:39

Why are you spending Christmas away from your own husband? So weird that you spend it apart to be with your parents 😂

I have two grown up dc and I fully expect them to spend their Christmas with their partners - sometimes that’s here with us, and sometimes not. Certainly don’t expect them to come home for Christmas whilst their partner goes to their families.

This.

You don’t have to continue to spend Christmases like little children—you and your husband going home to your respective families.

You don’t have to wait for all elderly relatives to pass away before you can start having the Christmases that you want with your husband.

user1492757084 · 26/08/2026 06:29

Go with your DH.

Tell DP that you will try to have every third Christmas with them.

Cheesemaker26 · 26/08/2026 03:27

Go to Mauritius obviously. You can see them when you get back. The only one blocking your plans is you.

DeftGoldHedgehog · 26/08/2026 01:46

Tell your dad to go to his family then and the rest of you can all see the delightful miserable curmudgeon when you come back from Mauritius.