AIBU to say no to FIL visiting around the twins’ birth?

Oh gosh, I feel for you. YANBU. You have no idea how you'll feel. It's an emotional rollercoaster, apart from anything else, and it's extremely selfish of him to impose himself on you before you're ready.
I have twins. They came very early and were cared for in NICU. It was an incredibly difficult time. I was expressing and feeding them and not getting any much sleep. Anyway, my parents turned up in this chaos and were turned away by the NICU staff. So I suggest you tell them not to let your FIL in until you're ready.

Most twins delivered at term (twin term) won't need nicu. It's a risk which parents should prepare themselves for, but it's far from the norm.

A lot of twins do end up in nicu because of prematurity, but given the op is reaching her due date in days that's not the case here.

It's not so easy to get into NICU. Our twins were in for nine weeks and there were quite a few very sick babies. Hygiene was absolutely paramount. We were warned that visitors could be turned away for one reason or another even if expected.

Also when you get home limit exposure. Make sure everyone washes their hands thoroughly and doesn't breathe over the babies.

Otherwise congrats on two beautiful babies ❤️❤️

One other spin - obvs he's excited but is he coming to support his son and just to be around if needed, hopefully and I wish this for you that everything goes well but if it doesn't he will be there for your husband and to support him - that kind of love and kindness is immeasurable however irritating his actions are in your eyes - there may be a different angle to al of this and maybe reflects how he felt when his children were born

Stick to your guns @craicandcats . When I gave birth I was so completely overwhelmed, I didn’t want to see anyone.

Absolutely do whatever is right for you. Best of luck with everything.

You'll be fine to let him visit in the hospital-a friend just had twins and they were in NICU, but they were allowed visitors. There's a few rules for extended family, which you can check like she did, but it's mainly common sense things like not visiting if you're sick-and no one should be doing that anyway.
Congratulations and enjoy showing off your lovely babies.

You’re not wrong Op, you shouldn’t feel pressured into anything, especially at this particular time. Good luck with the birth, hope it all goes well!

She's having an induction of a high risk pregnancy that might take several days and the babies could be taken to NICU - are people really so selfish that they can't see that OP might want to know everything is OK before inviting people for social calls?

I had 2 inductions and with the first there is no way I could have done social calls during my 7 day stay and the second took 3 days but in the end I went home 12 hours later.

All of this guilt tripping to put the needs of people not giving birth makes me happy that my 2 inductions were a a Swedish hospital that focussed on mother and baby and didn't allow any visitors that were not birthing partners on the ward.

Totally this.... I told all to visit at the hospital because I had more control there as to how long they could stay, didnt have to host etc, also had a good security in the midwifes telling them when time was up 😂 so they got their baby cuddles in and when I got home it was just hubby me and baby

I don't think ybu at all!
I can't imagine you being home by the weekend if your being induced at the end of this week so try not to worry too much because it might not even be an issue!
Also just to add if you aren't doing it already I would 100% recommend colostrum harvesting before you have the babies, great to have a supply of syringes for the first few days.
Hope all goes well and congratulations! 👶👶

I’d say it’s actually more common for those having twins.

There are multiple threads about women being upset because their parent has booked a holiday or trip on the day of induction etc

And I’m not saying you’re wrong as you can do what you like but it’s not the norm.

I personally would be in the mindset that I’ll just let people know when I’m ready but would assume most people would want to visit within the first 48hours.

I wouldn’t get worked up over it.
He knows he might miss it and is willing to take the risk which is on him.

I'm not sure if you've been talked through the induction process but it often takes a few days and you aren't going to want to see anyone who's likely to get your back up in that time! I certainly didn't realise that when I went in for my first induction. You need to be as relaxed and focused as it's possible to be in hospital. My inductions were very straightforward and one baby and took roughly 36 hours. Make sure fil knows and that if he wants to see them soon he'll have to be flexible, or book for a month's time. Also if you're on a postnatal ward it's not impossible you've got a catheter in, managing bleeding etc so personally I wouldnt be having my in laws there (having done it). Good luck and congratulations 😊

Everyone dashing round ASAP is a trend, probably linked to social media. Not saying your FiL will be on Instagram at the first opportunity, but it's how lots of people seem to operate now.

When are you actually being induced, OP? I'd guess you're going in on Sunday evening to get started? Induction of labour is not nice and is most especially not a spectator sport, and especially not if a man is the spectator.

You can't stop FiL from coming & staying in a hotel but if you're in labour, either spontaneous or induced, you will not be wanting him anywhere near.

Me, for one.

I know tons of couples who did not have family waiting around or come right away.

She's scheduled for an induction. Her babies might be taken to NICU. That's traumatic.

This is not the time for him to roll on up without notice and center himself like he has any say in what's going on. He's extremely peripheral to the birth and who rolls up on a couple when they're prepping for induction and a multiple birth and looking at a potential NICU stay and doing anything other than saying how can I help.

It’s your body so your choice but I don’t know of anyone who didn’t have their immediate family members come to the hospital the day or day after they gave birth.
It’s pretty common.

And on MN it seems pretty common for grandparents to book a place close by to the birth date and make sure no holidays etc are booked around that time.

But if he genuinely can't come again for a while and the babies are here, especially if you are still in hospital, What's the harm with him popping in for 20 mins?

Would you be different if it was your mum?

Wishing you an easy birth whenever it is.

I'm on the fence a bit. I didn't get along with my mom (lived thousands of miles away) and didn't want her visit until DC1 was 6months old. She was very hurt by that. I understand FIL complaining.

Your H should be dealing with FIL.

Errr I hope SIL had your back and told FIL where to stick it?

if not, they’re BOTH your DH’s issue to sort out.

sail along placidly and ignore the eejit!

If the babies are born and things went mostly ok, then I'd personally let him see the babies
But better if he visits next weekend.

A hospital visit is often an easier way for first visits. Saying that, everyone is different and I know not everyone likes visitors.

I loved visitors so had both sets of parents and a friend visit on the day my first was born, and another friend and her mother half an hour after getting back from hospital. If you want some breathing space to settle in with twins at home, which is reasonable, having a quick hospital visit often gets people off your back!

I would let him come for a time restricted visit preferably at the hospital