Family fall out over ‘baby shower’

I mean I don't want to be classically mumsnet but some people think baby showers are a bit tacky or think the baby should be celebrated when they are safely here or just don't want to be the centre of attention. I actually think a birthday dinner, which people were attending anyway,with some baby shower elements is quite different. OP was hardly going to storm out of it was she!

Yes, this! Just say ‘Come on, X and Y, I didn’t know this birthday dinner was going to involve some baby shower games’ and move on as usual. I can’t see anyone actually thinking that their sister should refuse to go on a work trip in case they miss their sister giving birth.

Good post. Good message. Good approach.

Like it.

I’d send one short message along the lines of ‘ I have been very clear that I knew nothing about their plans and it is extremely hurtful for you to suggest that I did and am lying about it. My last few weeks of pregnancy should be calm, so if you can’t accept this was not a snub to you I will keep my distance for a while.’

I agree with pp that your sister is stirring things and she’s probably egging your mum on. Your mum might want to think hard about whether she’s going to be welcome at yours if this unpleasantness carries on.

You did nothing wrong. But I think it is a shame you refused the initial shower from your mum and sister.

100%

This is why I’m not a fan of ‘surprises’. People mean well, but perhaps fail to consider how patronising and thoughtless it can be to spring things on people when they obvs don’t know everything that’s going on in their life or how much stress it could cause them.

But, at the end of the day, IMHO anyone who loves her, should never behave in a way that causes stress and anxiety to a heavily pregnant women. Even if they feel rightly affronted by something she’s done. It’s the basics of humanism and feminism. And OP’s family were wrongly affronted, because she didn’t exclude them from her baby shower, as she was oblivious to it being planned and didn’t want it!

OP, your sister hasn’t behaved in a loving way. She’s likely got all sorts of issues going on there. But you shouldn’t be worrying about it. It’s not for you to fix. Let it go. Focus on your and your baby’s well-being and surround yourself with people who are being considerate and supportive.

Try to see the (dark) humour in strops about baby showers (performative) while ignoring the needs of the real mother and baby. What has commercialism done to us?

Yes so she should just leave them to it now.

Congratulations BTW.
You "must have known" your friends would turn the event into a baby shower?
There's such a thing as a surprise. They are effectively accusing you of lying when you have no reason to lie. That's on them.

I also don't understand all the pps saying it was a shitty thing for your friends to do without inviting DM and Sis. The friends may not really know the Mum and Sis.. why would they be top of the invite list. They were all meeting for a local friends dinner.

Prioritising your friends over your Mum and Sis? Again, completely normal.
You see you friends, you also see your Mum and Sis.. why are they weighing and measuring this?
They both sound needy and controlling. What they are doing is prioritising themselves over your health and wellbeing in last stages of pregnancy. I find that quite shocking actually. Are they going to say the same when your baby arrives, because the answer will be "YES! I am prioritising my baby over you two!"

Dont let this get to you. Your priority now is to rest and relax and prepare for the birth. Ignore their performance for the utter nonsense that it is. I cannot imagine treating a DC like this in their first pregnancy. Your friends were having dinner with you and brought along some nice things for the baby... I'd be delighted for one of my DC if they had friends kind enough to do that!. Not jealous and resentful and "livid" .. also Disloyalty because you spend time with friends... your sister needs to get out more.

Spend your time with people who treat you well. This will all seem like a storm in a teacup when you have your lovely baby to cuddle. But use this "strop" time as a chance to set some boundaries as it sounds like they like to boss you around.

I cannot imagine anyone getting so worked up over a baby shower which isn't even really a baby shower. Your sister sounds way to invested in family drama and a bit of a shit stirrer to be honest. I would say you have a normal attitude to things.
I wouldn't be bothered she was away on your due date though. She's not delivering the baby!

I avoid baby showers and other such events like the plague, so I might be very wrong here.

But wouldn't it be the norm for someone organising a baby shower for their mate to invite people close to their mate, like their mum and sister?

In your position, it's the friend I'd be annoyed with.

If your sister doesn’t have friends like this then it does make sense that her feelings have been hurt. She offered to host and yet didn’t get to go. It’s not your fault but it’s understandable that she feels hurt

Im assuming you told them that you didn’t know about it. What did they say? did they not believe you??

Op I think you didn’t do anything wrong per se

Of course she didn't, there's no 'per se,' about it! She turned up to her birthday dinner to find her friends had turned it into a baby shower! Her own mother and sister have decided to believe that she deliberately excluded them, rather than having this sprung on her. They are choosing to give OP grief when she's heavily pregnant and could probably do without the stress. They could, and should IMO, keep their disappointment private.

I think your friends overstepped a little. Maybe do something low key with your mum and sister.

Is there anybody in the group that hijacked your meal reasonably intelligent and eloquent?
If so ask her to contact your Mother - ideally in person - and explain that you had nothing to do with the shenanigens. And if she (Mum) wants to have a go at anybody pick her (the friend).
Though I must say, it's a bit rum that your Mother and Sister don't believe you.
I wish you luck.

Your friends should have invited them. It's not your fault they didn't but you could have some understanding of how they feel they've been cut out.

Ouch

Im surprised you didnt get straight into your kum and sister to warn them what your friends had thrown you a suprise shower. I can see why they are super hurt.

You can’t make up your own meanings for words…🙄
Livid means angry, not ‘hurt and upset’.

All the horror in the world. This drama is so unnecessary; your mother and sister need to calm the fuck down over such trivia.
Forget all about it OP, and just focus on yourself and your new baby,

Fair enough - I would hope my friends would respect that if I said I didn’t want something, I would mean it. But then they know that is what I am like.