Family fall out over ‘baby shower’

The OP never told her friends she didn’t want a baby shower!!!

As I said in my first post on this thread, it is absolutely your friends or this particular best friend who are/is the arse(s). They're the ones that need to do some apologising and bridge building. No wonder your sister is so hurt by this situation. She's been sidelined by what I'm assuming is a BF with a big character. I'd be pissed off if this happened with my sister's hen or my sister's babyshower.

You need to have a word with your bestie about this.

Livid and freezing out the 8 month pregnant Op for something out of her control?

Is your mum and sister still freezing you out?

looks like you are ok with it… and your sister and mother are not wrong

You put your foot down with your family who wanted to organize one with your permission but meekly rolled over when your friends ambushed your birthday celebration?

I can see why they’re a bit annoyed. I can also understand being happy about a shower planned by friends (who might be a lot more on the same page in terms of understanding what you like and not traversing boundaries) and really not wanting one planned by family. But it’s going to hurt that family when that becomes obvious.

Make it clear to your sister & mum that this was sprung on you, and it is not something you wanted. If they really know and love you , they will believe you! Outrageous that they are causing you anxiety at this precious time. They should be supporting you

I think in retrospect what would have been wise was to text you sister / mom and say omg it's supposed to be a birthday meal and Mabdy has turned it into a baby shower. Just wanted to give you the heads up cos it's the first I've known sboit it"

But too late now.

I do think a baby shower for the 3 of you is odd.

Did you not consider inviting your Mom and sis to your meal given you won't get chance to celebrate with them either?

I would very much make sure no one meets the babies before the grandparents and aunts, unless once home she refuses to come. Even if that means putting friends off.

It does read a bit as if you want things only on your terms OP.

You cannot be surprised if family give you what you want plus some.

I have a sister like you, she's not really close to the family, similar things happened with us. She gives off an air of snutty. My other sister and I would plan days out or family things and she would always stick her nose up at things. Eventually I stopped trying and we don't talk now. There is only so much you can put yourself out there for someone before you say enough.

OP, I could have written this exact post; except that I'd be your sister. It is really frustrating when this happens as it does come across as though you prioritise your friends and BF over your family.
Even saying things like : you can't help having a bigger friendship group' is part of the problem. Your family love you and want to celebrate/be there for you, but you only want this exactly on your own terms or not at all; forgetting there is often a bit more give and take in families.
I sorted this with my sister by not planning stuff for her anymore and I told her why. This was after a similar drama with both her bridal and baby showers. We get along great now, as I no longer get upset by any such issues since my expectations and realities have changed and she is probably happier her friends can organise stuff for her without me/ our Mom.
But, it really did hurt at the time and I still can't stand her best friend for cutting her family off at those important times in her life.

Don't worry about your family seeing the baby. After how you have treated them I don't think they will be rushing over to see you. Why don't you just have all your friends over to see the baby.

Honestly you are all being very ott about the whole thing! Your sister needs to get over whatever the hen do beef is and get a grip about the baby shower. You need to put your feet up, enjoy the last bit of pregnancy and stop worrying about who is going to meet baby in what order.

Gosh everyone just needs to chill out. I wouldn’t even bother planning who meets the baby in what order. Save your energy for your new baby.

Thinking about it, I know my sister was a bit irritated with my best friend around my hen as my sister did all the organizing & admin for it (with a very young baby) and then my BF sort of took over on the actual weekend so I wonder if my sister’s reaction is linked to that.

And you stood by and watched it all happen.

It sounds like you take your sister massively for granted because she doesn’t have as many friends and she has had enough..

Just get on with having your baby. The fact that they are cross with you when you are about to give birth over a baby shower is very very mean of them. Bloody stupid baby showers and gender reveals. Load of twaddle. Never happened in my day thank God.

I have found out that she is now going on a work trip the week of my due date which I know she’d previously said no to as she didn’t want to miss meeting my baby.

I think fair enough she is going on the work trip. You surely can’t be annoyed at that?

You offered her a baby shower for the three of you which would be really odd and annoyed her even more as it sounds like a sore loser prize.

Of course it is. Your sister is thinking that she's just going to get pushed out again, so why waste time off work. She's probably taking the hint, that actually, you'd rather have your friend in charge or around, rather than her.

Maybe explain to your friends whats happened and they might be able to send you screenshots of their conversations organising the suprise?
If mum and sister still have the hump after that then fuck it.

The same reason any friendship group doesn't include everyone's family in everything they do as friends, I expect. It never occurred to them either that they should, or that the OP's mother would be in the least interested in being at a party for people all of whom were young enough to be her daughter and were not her friends.

They didn't invite her dad either, or any of her cousins of either sex, or come to that the neighbours at the house where she no longer lives. Because it was not appropriate for them to do so.

Why did your friends exclude your family from the baby shower they obviously fully planned out, if there were even games. It seems purposeful....

Some of these responses are so weird! Does everyone really invite all their family to everything?? My mother and sister have not once come to a birthday meal. My sister and I went to each others hen dos but if her friends threw her a baby shower and didn't invite me I wouldn't mind in the slightest.