AIBU to think being wealthy is vastly overrated?

Is this a wind up? Really? Don't expect even the teeny violins to be played. There are many who read these posts that are desparetly trying to keep their families fed and clothed. I know you said you didn't want to upset or offend, so why put this post on here?

“Oh no! My lobster is too buttery and my steak is too juicy!” - OP, probably.

Oh get a flipping grip

Being wealthy isn't the answer to everything, but it makes so many problems go away. If instead of "can I afford to put £10 of petrol in my ten year old car to get to my 40 hour a week job" it's "Which Mercedes shall I take to the spa", for example.

Never having to question if you can afford a repair, or energy, or food.

Being able to use private healthcare.

I'm sure that it does have its own problems, but it solves so many.

Money can't buy happiness but it can make things so much more comfortable.

To be fair, that's a really high household income.

We earn £180k a year between the two of us and I feel blissfully happy. I couldn’t ask for more. Having come from a single parent council flat, I genuinely feel like I’ve won the lottery every day!! Just today for instance. Pissing it down with rain, went and purchased a £180 Lego set from Smyths for us all to sit and do. It’s been perfect bonding time and I’m so so grateful!

Is this question directed at my post? If so, then it's not my wealth- and definitely not from teaching! DH is in tech and went through a couple of successful acquisition rounds and has always had share options that have done well. In addition to that we invest our money. It is probably why I feel so guilty though because I didn't 'earn' the money, unless you count parenting solo for weeks at a time and on weekends when he was working 14 hours days and traveling on business. We manage the money together and I am financailly savvy (I teach economics) but my earnings were not the source of the wealth.

Of is had money my mum wouldn’t have died alone. I’d be able to pay for therapy for the ptsd attached to that and I’d be able to afford private health care to help with RA. I’d be able to have somewhere to live that had a little garden, somewhere without 6 flights of stairs to try and get up and down and an abusive neighbour down stairs snd constant piss in the close and buskers until all hours… a little place for a bird bath and a bird feeder and just a tiny.. a tiny bit of peace right now.

Not at all. I love my job. The pay affords me a nice life. Though the more I read here, the more I think I'm odd. I genuinely love my run of the mill life. One of my boys has recently decided he's a petrolhead. He asked, if you had unlimited money what car would you have. My answer - my own! A ten yr old Toyota Corolla that runs like a dream and never seems to cause me any trouble.

I've had times where I was much richer. Holidays were Caribbean or luxury hotel in greece. I've had times where I was much poorer. One stint in a bedsit with no heating, black mold and a one yr old baby comes to mind. I was not happier when rich, I was immensely stressed when poor. I am now secure, can pay bills, afford a nice house (think bog standard Toyota Corolla in house form). This is my happiest.

Honestly, I feel quite sorry for people like the OP. I know these people. From the outside it looks relentlessly like having something to prove. Like being stuck in a high stress cycle. No judgment, but also no thanks.

Money might not buy you happiness and it won't solve all your problems but it solves lots of problems. So whatever way you look at it, you're better off with money.

Poverty and scratching around for pennies makes people ill and unhappy.

How did you earn your wealth outside of teaching?

My work used to bring me in contact with ultra high net worth people. Mainly Americans. The women were largely content, cultured & intelligent. They used their resources to optimise & strategise bespoke educational opportunities for their kids. Engineering a useful second language from birth & eventual Ivy league pathways & similar.

They themselves led a philanthropic, fulfilled life pursuing qualifications & niche interests. They wasted zero time on negative opinions of others & their positivity was admirable.

I was poor growing up. I was poor as a young adult. DH and I were poor parents in 30/40s. In our mid 50s a lifetime of hard work, saving and investment paid off and we are now wealthy with more than enough money to give us a comfortable old age. We have been able to give large sums to our DC to ensure they won't struggle like we did.

As the old saying goes - I've been rich and I've been poor and believe me, rich is better.

You sound spoilt and unappreciative @ForLoudBrickMember. If you'd ever lain awake at night worrying about how to pay your mortgage or buy food you'd know better.

Incidentally, when we eventually felt comfortable, I gave up paid work I did a lot of volunteer work with mentally troubled young people and the homeless. I was aware of my immense privilege and it was a pleasure to be able to give something back. Maybe you should try that.

If you struggle so much i would be prepared to take some of that burden off your hands. Like, a million or two. Surely it would make your life so much easier.

"I've been rich and I've been poor. Rich is better."

This is a bogus. I know many oncologists and none would be unethical enough to talk like this online. Also oncologists don’t really deal with the dying that’s handed off to palliative docs. 35 seems young to be doubling income with investments already. Unless a high net wealth from the get go. Also find me a medical profession who has the time and energy to post online during on the weekend about navel gazing bollocks related to their income!

Wow! I haven't read the entire thread, but you sound pretty impressive. I wish I'd had your gumption/focus when I was younger, but I lso imagine your parents set ou on the right track. So much choice available to you as you get older, there are so many ways in which you could not have a boring retirement, voluntary positions abound, travel opportunities etc. and how lovely not to have to worry about paying the bills. I realise it's not as 'perfect' as some might presume, but you have options to enhance your life, where others are struggling to survive. You've worked hard, be proud and enjoy the benefits it brings.

Strangely, I do agree with you even though your post is tone deaf given how many people are struggling to pay their bills these days.

We are in a similar financial position to you (actually even richer LOL) and I realized long ago that having your health, and a warm, loving family and kind people around you is the only real wealth in life. But I was raised Catholic with the mindset that money is the root of all evil and only leads to greed and sin. I have a lot of guilt about being weatlhy so I try to 'give back' as much as I can. I still work in my low-paid teaching job (part-time) because I don't want to turn into some out of touch rich person. DH and I have kept the same (nice but not luxurious) house for 10 years despite being much richer now. I have never posted on here because I feel too ashamed of being rich when so many other people are struggling.

I'm not saying I would hand over all my millions in exchange for a warm, loving extended family but I would certainly pay money for good friends and family, if I could! The only real meaning in life is having a positive impact on the people around you.

But, besides all that: your post is really tone deaf. You should think about your values and spend more time with normal people.

There was a recent thread where we learned about wealthy people who have outdoor and indoor cameras against burglars. Someone had indoor cameras in all their rooms, including bedrooms. And people had audio as well - so every conversation and other sound was recorded and could be played back. That was a clear example of wealthy people living in worse conditions than ordinary people.

It's self-inflicted of course. No-one is forced to spend their money on big expensive houses full of valuable things. And no-one is forced to keep their money, rather than donating it to people and animals who desperately need it.

OP it's funny. I have friends like you. Both high flying doctors. Both with very rewarding side hustles. I wouldn't trade places. I m not poor, but my income is a fraction of yours. I have a nice house, eat well, do hobbies, save a bit. But what I have that you and my friends lack - time and peace. My income is secure. I'm good at my job and can do it with ease. I get to collect kids from school three days a week. And there's just no worry. This was not always the case. Once upon a time I worked in investment banking. I actively chose less money and more time/ease. When my kids ask me what they should do in life, I tell them they should think about the day to day actuality they want to live and choose accordingly.

You do have choice in all this though!!! Another friend recently left banking after 30 years. I can tell she is struggling with it all - the cortisol is almost addictive. But I am convinced she made the right choice.

What on earth are you talking about? Being wealthy isn’t something that many people CAN become, so of course it’s not a ‘regret’. You post is so incredibly tone deaf I can’t believe you’re for real.

As a single parent, who has worked incredibly hard for what I have, your post is ridiculous. You’re lucky to have what you have. Enjoy it.

I spend way too much of my time worrying about money, bills, my retirement (if it ever comes). To have all that worry taken away would be life-changing. HTH.

i guess it depends on the trade off, is anyone asking you to choose? I’m very wealthy but given a manic wand, I would trade it for a normal family, any family and an average amount of money.

But I got an unfortunate lottery for childhood, parents and siblings, even my brother did the dirty on us when Dad died (cracked open the safe with his wife and didn’t tell the rest of us bar a ‘I’ve got a quote what do we think’ casual convo then stopped talking to us all for ‘accusing’ him of going behind our backs which he definitely did) he was the only hope my kids had for cousins my side of the family.

I am very wealthy though, personally I’ve got lucky working for companies which have gone public and have made millions in stock and as a result now have investments too. DH wealthy by salary and his parents will leave behind millions.

Again I wonder if having more of an emotional connection with my life partner would be better than the millions in retirement. I honestly don’t know if we will make it and I have my own money. I often think will I one day up and leave and leave the very comfortable lifestyle we will inherit behind. Honestly I can see me walking…

I’m glad things are going well for you — it must feel surreal to have that level of financial security.
If you ever feel like using a little of it to genuinely help someone in need, I’m a victim of domestic violence and currently in repossession proceedings. My ex-partner emptied all of our bank accounts, which has left me in a really difficult position. I’m also a legal professional, a solicitor, doing everything I can to stabilise things, but right now any support would make a real difference.

No pressure at all — just sharing honestly in case you’re someone who likes to help others when you’re in a strong position.

There have been studies on this. There's a wealth line between, basically, misery and contentedness. Once the line has been crossed, the person doesn't get happier with extra wealth.
If someone earns minimum wage struggling month to month, a gift of £50k has lasting benefits. Someone earning £100k says, oh thank you, but the gift doesn't change their life.

So the OPs wealth only makes her as happy as my far smaller wealth. Because I have enough to pay rent, eat etc. Going on a £5k holiday is just as enjoyable as a £1k holiday, really.

So, the OP is correct, wealth beyond quite a low line is overrated. Which is why it's insane that some people are billionaires when they could very easily bring happiness to MILLIONS.

ETA. This is strictly money-based. Health and loved ones muddy the happiness waters across the spectrum. Although "I'd rather be crying in my porche than my banger" must ring true.

You can always un-do it though. You’re rich enough to move elsewhere and have a different pace of life/be a consultant somewhere else that pays less, but you can live off all your earnings. This is such a strange dilemma to have for someone so clever that they were a millionaire at 25.