AIBU to think being wealthy is vastly overrated?

You are working hard and earning a lot. Clearly that is not making you happy. It sounds like you could work a bit less hard/fewer hours/give up work and have a pretty decent income. Something is keeping your nose to the grind stone, is it ambition? compulsion? expectations? What would you do if you were free to pursue all that you think you are sacrificing? We worked hard, sacrificed stuff made a decent income but decided we would retire early (relative to friends). Money provides you with choices that are not available to people with a lot less income and they work just as hard as you and have stresses you cannot imagine.

I just don't understand this. aren't you friends with other medical people? They are all in a similar bracket surely. I can appreciate you won't be meeting many wall street financiers in the mid west (now they're the guys making the money) but surely your circle includes enough well off people that you are in a similar grouping. Actually in the mid west you might be surprised who is wealthier than you. Suspect it is like New England where flash isn't popular.

And surely you can be friends with people who are doing ok but not super wealthy without much angst? I suppose if you want to holiday by private jet and eat out in 5 star restaurants every week and talk about money all the time you might find it difficult to find a group of friends but otherwise ... don't get it.

We are in the US. DH is a physician. I am in another profession. We make a lot of money. We mix with people who make a lot less, people who probably make a lot more and people who clearly make a ton more. We don't talk about money much. Our kids were no more pressured than other kids - and a lot less when it came to education as they didn't have to think about student aid/scholarships when it came to university.

Do you give a lot to charity? with those assets you could get very involved in supporting a charity you like. And if you are sick of it all you could become a doctor to the homeless/indigent - we know a few who do this. Not as lucrative but very fulfilling and their families are doing just fine.

Perhaps you need to be more philanthropic OP. Look at our lovely Dolly (rip), mega rich and such a joyous person by giving loads of her money away and used it to do so much good. You may not be anywhere near her wealth but there is so much you can do with the excess money that’s making you miserable. It can truly give you purpose.

Why are so many countries constantky trying to help those classed as poor. Could be they recognise how horrible it is trying to make ends meet all the time. Never see any demonstrations with banners touting "We enjoy being Poor" as a headline. You've worked for your lifestyle, perhaps you should have been content to be a store assistant, bar worker or just give your wealth away. There are many who would love to be in your situation.

It seems to me that your problem is America/Americans.

Do the conversion course that you need for BMA and move back here - into private practice if you can't face the NHS?

You live in the States. Would be my worst nightmare.

You’re 35 and already have DC plural. You did not put off having children until ‘late’, you had them at a normal time.

I thought everyone knew an excess of money doesn’t make you happier or more fulfilled. OP you’ve worked hard and been very successful (and hopefully you find meaning and purpose in your career) but don’t be surprised that it’s not enough. We all end up meeting our Maker at the end of the day and your money won’t mean a thing at that point.

You are choosing that rat race. I know it’s easy to get caught up in it, but you don’t need to do that. The best thing wealth can give you is freedom to do what you actually want to do.

I’ve been on the bones of my arse and now we live comfortably (not wealthy by any means) but my husband earns £120k and I work part time. We live in the South Wales Valleys so well above the average income around here. I know which I prefer 😂

Yes it was, thank you for your reply. Do you consider other people's husbands who aren't in tech or who haven't made anywhere near this level of money to be failures?

I went from 35k a year to 200k per year gbp. I still bleed red and i guess i can fford a slightly nicer gaff. Has been lifechanging though for sure.

Your poll had ended but I’d have voted that YANBU.

We are wealthy albeit not at your level. And yet it’s all about keeping up with our friends around us who are similarly wealthy. So we’re forking out for private school, expensive holidays, expensive lifestyle, fancy restaurants, pricey hobbies. I’m happy for the most part and get that money buys choice to an extent. I never have to worry about feeding the family or switching on the heating.

But I visited my home country recently, people were so much happier on the surface, friendlier.
I could live there tomorrow, sell my house, buy an even bigger one there for about 25% of the cost of mine and have a lovely chilled life with an abundance of time to do as I please. And yet the thought of that terrifies me.

So I hear you, OP, but there’ll be many people reading this who are worried about the cost of school shoes who would far rather be in your position rather than their own.

Sounds like OP has nailed that.

Why not just stop and live off the money that their money makes them via passive interest/dividends?!

As someone who was poor and later went on to make a substantial amount of money from writing, being poor sucks.

Yes it’s awful. I hated it so much I wished I was poor, and when I woke up the next morning I found out I was. It’s much more fun being poor than rich.

Can I have some popcorn please, I'll bring the wine 😂

Being wealthy should give you more freedom with your time to do whatever it is that makes you feel fulfilled. If you are lacking in knowing what that would be I think you should seek therapy or coaching etc to find it.

If you don’t have meaning you won’t be happy regardless of how much money you have.

I have very little money but I'm happy! What I lack in money I make up with love! I would rather be poor and have people and things to care for.

One of the best feelings in life is having enough money to easily cover your needs (rent , food, utilities). How much happiness extra money provides depends on what’s important to you (vacations, luxuries, family legacies, charities, the home for homeless cats). To the extent that our wealth allowed us to comfortably retire, it is definitely not over rated.

Fake its some right wing nut

Your 35 with more than one kid - seems like you had children at a very normal age and not late.

you can afford to give them a great education, go on amazing holidays regularly and buy most things you want. Additionally, you can afford flexible childcare.

Doesnt sound bad to me. Obviously you can still face hard times especially related to health and bereavement but you will have that regardless of the wealth.

surely having money makes things easier for you.

you can pay staff to run your life leaving you free to enjoy your downtime. take less money and work one third less. pick some charities to fund. try to be a glass half full. get a therapist or be miserable.

I am not clear that you've ever really struggled with money @ForLoudBrickMember . You worked hard, yes, and were motivated by accruing wealth but people who really experience the consequences of poverty don't have money to invest. I understand you earned it when your peers probably didn't, but I would definitely rather be rich and unhappy than worrying about how to pay my electricity bill.