AIBU to think being wealthy is vastly overrated?

Anyone who says “they didn’t use to” is neither a consultant oncologist, nor a millionaire who invested wisely. Can’t believe people think this is legitimate.

How did you finish medical school early in the UK @ForLoudBrickMember ?

I asked my mother (who's a doctor in the US) about this and she said that top oncologists who are partners in a practice can earn $1m, but she's never, in a long career, come across a 35 year old in that position.

The OP is clearly just as much a genius in oncology as in investing. A true polymath.

Yeah totally, why would anyone want the financial freedom to do what they want when they want. Totally over rated.
Your post of noone regretting on their death bed that they 'didn't get wealthy', how can anyone regret that? Regret is a feeling if not taking choices or opportunities given, most people could never just become wealthy so how can they regret not becoming wealthy?

You sound self made and that i admire, but how can someone self made be so out of touch?

I earn above average with below average costs, all the time there seems to be something, whether it is something I decided or not, that means I am a bit tight this month. Xmas of course, then DD birthday, then car needing tax, service MOT this month, then holiday (paid for bit spends on top), then my washing machine broke before my last holiday. And I paid for a new 1 in full, in the very same month my holiday spends were added. I felt so so fortunate I could swallow these costs in 1 month, even though that meant I lived on practically nothing the last week of the month. I think you are too out of touch now to remember how tough it was to only have a low salary to live off. To worry that if you lost your job you wouldnt have long to find a new 1 before you are homeless.

I dont blame you for that, you are use to living in the world you do. Recently I was feeling fed up that my payrise didn't amount to much by the time tax, NI and 2x student loans taken out. Then I visited my friend who cant work through disability and she said when her bills are taken out she has £135 to last the month. That is food too and I felt ashamed of my moans.

Yes people make themselves happy without wealth, that doesn't mean they wouldnt be more happy if they had wealth and financial freedom

I would be a lot happier if I could buy the type of house I want in the area I want to live

You poor thing.... 🤦🏼‍♂️

Oncologists don’t reach their senior/peak level until they’re between 43-52, and that’s when they reach their top earner status which is between $500,000 and $580,000 a year. Nothing the OP says is correct and none of it adds up. None of it.

What a strange post

I believe George Bernard Shaw said something to that effect, in the belief that it was better to be miserable in comfort.

Investment was bitcoin

I agree, you’re out of touch.

I've worked as a nanny for some very wealthy families and some some 'normal' families and I've almost always found the families on more middle class incomes and smaller houses have seemed to be much happier and kinder/more considerate and generous
than the rich ones. Money doesn't buy happiness. Your time is your most valuable asset :)

Can’t believe you earn that much as a doctor in the USA. It’s ridiculous no wonder healthcare is so expensive there. If it’s any consultation doing the same job else where you would not be having to worry about the mundanity of extreme wealth. Maybe it’s because your part of the system with insurance and drug companies you can’t appreciate it becuse you now you should not be getting it!

NTA. I totally get you. I’ve never been that wealthy but I’ve been v comfortable.

it can be v isolating. It changes friendships. People get jealous, or attach themselves to you because you’ve got money. Or they resent you paying. Or they expect you to pay. And then it feels hard to have a normal relationship. Then there’s the other people with money, who’ll be friends with you because they see you as acceptable and in their peer group - but that feels false and showy.

money doesn’t make you happy. But not having it can be miserable.

It's probably your job making you depressed. Most people would hate your job staring death in the face all day. I say that as a nurse, I would hate your job especially fulltime. Surely the benefit of earning what you have means you should have bought your freedom by now and barely have to work.

Eh?!
I guess the main difference between being rich and poor OP is that you have your basic needs met (food, housing, health care, clothing) that you are then able to go on an satisfy more complex needs (such as entertainment, fulfilment, further education etc) where as someone scraping to get by has to put all their energy into securing (or not securing) the basics and has the mental and physical health toll of that. You have security and options - it sounds like you could dramatically change your life tomorrow if you wanted to whereas someone poor cannot.
you have obviously worked hard and sacrificed a lot to get to your position - you should enjoy it- but people with a lot less have also worked hard and sacrificed too yet have none of the privileges you have.

Making 5 million a year is an immoral amount of money, I hope you are doing lots of pro bono work and donating most to charity

I've told you that there are moral questions around this particular approach in America, even if the original post is a made up trolling exercise

I don't think your problem is having a lot of money which you absolutely deserve and you are still young it's managing your loss because of your determination to follow a very needed career and what that means in terms of socializing putting off a family unable maybe to de-stress because of the pressure in your career which all people should be grateful for
I think you are just stuck ATM and need some guidance to rethink what is important to you and husband and family you must try and get a good balance and enjoy your rewards I struggle with money but I am happy overall we all have off days even though myself and hubby both have cancer
Reach out to right people for help and support use your money to make the life as easy as possible help in the home managing your diary possibly a dietician or cook
Managing work and time off you are probably still building a reputation but your own mental health should be a priority I do feel for you despite what others have said you should be proud . Take care xxx

There is a lot of guilt that comes with all of a sudden having lots of money when that’s not the world you’ve come from. You usually keep the same friends and feel as though you need to hide stuff from people so as not to give any impression that you’re showing off in any way. Good friends/people will be genuinely pleased for you though. We treat our friends and families to nice holidays/meals out. I used to lie a lot and say I’d won things in competitions so they didn’t feel difficult about accepting things, but had to come clean after a while.
Yes, money can buy you “stuff” but most importantly it can give you choices in life, so just be sure to make the most of these for you and any children you may have yourselves or in your life in general. It gave me the freedom to not go back to work after having children. Yes you can palm them off to hired help after school and spend your days in the gym, lunching then shopping for Chanel bags, but I look after our kids with zero help, same in the house, which I see as a privilege seeing as most friends have to work 40 hour weeks and only see their kids for an hour before bed and at the weekends. Absolutely nothing wrong with that btw, it’s the normal world. My OH works hard to give us this “freedom”, so I try and give back in other ways by doing things to help other less advantaged families. There will always be a financial divide wherever you live in the world, or whatever you do. Don’t feel guilty if you work hard for it though.

Money is like air.

It doesn't seem important until you haven't got any.

I get what you mean to some extent. I remember reading somewhere that when your earnings reach a certain point so money is something you don’t have to worry about too much but you are not what many would describe as ‘rich’, happiness levels don’t increase further. I guess because once basic needs are met re home, food, safety, personal expenditure etc, human problems are often not that dissimilar.
But I think you need to appreciate that many people are not in a position where money is no issue at all in the same way it is for you. Or they are just about managing but any change of circumstances would mean everything comes crashing down. So they are dealing with all the kind of human issues you may be dealing with, but are also dealing with the constant stress and anxiety about these practical financial things and making ends meet. This might impact health, relationships and more. So there is a whole range of problems that you will never experience. You might mourn the loss of a parent in the same way as I, but you will not also be worrying about how to pay for the funeral. You might worry about the educational needs of your child but you will not be desperately trying to get a ECHP to get some help. You might worry about your health, but you will not be waiting years to deal with the issue. Yes you might have sacrificed a lot- so do many people for example nurses who work long hours for rubbish pay. Your kids might experience stress/pressure, so do those from families with less income.

I'll take a million to help you out.it would be absolutely life changing to my family and me. HTH

To be fair, the OP in this (completely fictional) scenario is only making $1m per year from oncology.

@ForLoudBrickMember

It feels totally normal.

If you don't want the money, you can give some of it to me.

It is incredibly isolating

I do not have wealth, yet, I feel isolated.

So so much sacrifice. I left everything behind in the UK, put off DC until late, missed out on so much etc.

Missed out on what? I sacrificed everything and worked hard and studied hard... but got nowhere. I never got to travel anywhere, and I never had the opportunity to have children.

So what exactly did you sacrifice that I was able to experience?

Being average isn’t much worse. People earning the average wage can still afford a comfortable house, decent car, food, occasional holiday etc. Mum was completely broke as a child and even that would’ve been fine if she didn’t make brain dead decisions constantly.

You are writing things that are simply wrong.

My earnings are very average.
I cannot afford to buy a house at all.
I have a car, but I keep my cars for as long as possible to keep costs down.
I never go on holiday because I don't have the money for it.

You are completely delusional and living on another planet. Which is somewhat concerning given the field that you work in.

Yes it’s a difficult and much needed job but at £2 million a year is “valued” far too highly. This is what is keeping so many people in the US poor and unable to afford health care - the disparity between rich and poor. The ridiculous amount of money doesn’t actually make life better - how the hell would you spend it - you can live very well on a fraction of it. The huge disparity actually makes life more difficult and unpleasant because of the antisocial behaviour of those with very little

It sounds like you've lived much more frugally in the past/as a child. I wonder if now you have the money you're not necessarily comfortable with your new social standing? You are in a situation where you have to pay a fortune in tax annually (more than many people put into the system in a lifetime) and still work because you are young and doing something worthwhile (I wonder if subconsciously you're feeling like you can't stop because its such a valuable career that you've made so many sacrifices for). You don't have the time to enjoy your wealth yet are constantly being berated in the press and media for having it when so many have so little. There are even proposals that want to take even more from you. What's the point indeed. You can't seem to win despite everyone telling you you should think yourself lucky, be happy etc etc. If you were an a&e Dr on £70k, it would be more straightforward - no one would begrudge you a nice house, car and 2 holidays each year. I wonder if therapy to discuss it all would be helpful.