AIBU to think being wealthy is vastly overrated?

She’s a cancer doctor in USA.
where thousands of people are bankrupted by their cancer treatments
where thousands can’t even afford the best care for their cancer
where, fgs, thousands of people can’t afford insulin
is it fair to be paid that much, by a bloated system of health insurance, when it means poorer people have to live with fear of becoming ill and how on earth they pay for their care.

not a decison this lady has to make. Food/mortgage/bills or paying for medical care

we used to have a system like this pre nhs. Albeit not as bloated. Our health outcomes, life spans etc, even in today’s nhs , are much better. for everyone. Regardless of income or having a job that covers your medical insurance.

there is one thing getting paid well, and higher for doing such a difficult and critical job. It is entirely another ball game where wage differential is so high between those at professional/executive level vs rest of workers. It would be very interesting to compare her lifestyle and salary to oncologist nurses!

This should have been your OP it’s more interesting.

I can see that there are significant doubts about the OP's "situation" but the question itself is worth considering.

I do think there is a saturation point at which additional income stops correlating to greater happiness/contentment or at least that the effect reduces a lot. Otherwise properly rich folk wouldn't get divorced, have addiction issues, mental health issues etc. Yet many of them do.

But I think OP is being shortsighted by saying "this just feels normal". I'm fairly comfortably off (nothing like 5M income but no mortgage or debt, lots of extra going into pension, was able to pay off my son's student loan etc. So pretty bloody privileged. I work hard for it but I'm still very lucky to have bought property at the right time, husbsnd and i have both inherited some too.) It is easy to take it for granted as you just start fretting about the next thing. Have I got enough in my pension to retire at x age and have the same lifestyle? Can I save enough for house deposits for kids and if so how much? Can I justify splurging on another holiday this year?

And there are things that money can't solve on their own. I'm lying in bed trying to gee myself up for a gym class. No one can do exercise for me and I'd be stiff and unfit without it! I can't eat what I fancy or I'd get fat. I can't drink as much booze as I'd like or I'd be unhealthy. I need to get off my phone and improve my mental health by reading books and decluttering - money can't do that stuff for me. I still worry about my kids. My son has just split up with his girlfriend and is really down. My daughter is struggling with puberty and self consciousness and very tearful. I can't just chuck money at them to make it all better. I have to actually support and parent them like any other mother would.

I have to make myself take a step back, give my head a wobble (mumsnet favourite) and appreciate that I am actually very fortunate and have a lovely life which I would miss a lot if my income dropped.

Riches may not being happiness but poverty sure brings misery. As the saying goes, when money walks out if the door, love flies out of the window.

Sadly many people have missed the point of your post.

Anyone earning that sort of money is in a career with incredible pressure and will have made sacrifices to get there. It is inevitable that it becomes normal and you start to reflect on the personal cost of it, despite the fact that financially you are secure. I was widowed at 46 a year ago tomorrow. DH had a good job and had provided for me and our 3 children but it has been a tough year. I have been able to drop to 2 days a week from 4 and buy my 2 daughters horses which has helped them to focus on positives. I am also able to be around at home more which has been critical for all 3 children. Following the death of my MIL 6 months after DH I am now supporting my FIL to continue living in his own home. So life is busy and has been hard but I have been lucky that my husband's death has not meant major changes eg. moving house or area as the children need consistency and stability and that is what I can give them thanks to my situation. I would much rather DH was here, but he isn't and the financial situation is at least one less thing to worry about.

To return to your situation OP, I suspect from your post you are feeling time poor, so is there any way you could take a career break or go PT whilst the children are smaller? I am sure that you could live on a reduced income given the amounts involved although it might take some planning as we all get used to spending up to what we earn. Be kind to yourself and cut yourself some slack to take time to enjoy life, money is there to make life easier but as long as you have enough that is OK. There will be people on here for whom balancing the books and the cost of living is a constant worry, but your feelings are equally valid.
Look after yourself xx

Honestly I think you have a point but it's not about being wealthy. It's about being a high earner. You've had to make loads of sacrifices and aren't sure they're worth it. I get it. Our household income is about 325k so nothing like yours but we similarly gave and give up a lot for that, it's high stress and I can't be sure we wouldn't be happier with 2 low stress jobs and a household income of c100k.

That's not to say that it compares for a second to people who are struggling for money. Obviously we are better off and very lucky.

Being wealthy on the other hand doesn't necessarily need to come with any stress and sacrifice. Maybe a bit of isolation but I think it's what it takes to earn the money that you're referring to.

I think you could do with working harder on reading comprehension skills.

OP said that she is in undesirable area and "All the top jobs here pay a lot more. You just wouldn’t be able to get anyone intelligent, hard working etc to do the job if the pay was the same as in the UK."

This does not mean that people in the UK are less intelligent, but that the area where OP is based will not attract those intelligent and hard working people unless the pay is substantially higher than in more desirable areas.

As to your question "Do you really think people with lower salaries are only in those jobs because they are incapable of rising higher?". If you take a 100 of oncology consultants and 100 of min wage job workers and assess the average IQ of each group, how do you think it's going to compare?

"All the top jobs here pay a lot more. You just wouldn’t be able to get anyone intelligent, hard working etc to do the job if the pay was the same as in the UK."

Wow, this reads as if you think anyone doing the same job in the UK isn't as intelligent or hard working as someone doing top medical jobs in the US.

Does it not occur to you that different people have different priorities? There are some very intelligent people working very hard in the public sector for relatively unimpressive salaries in the UK. They just aren't prioritising extreme wealth. Some people prioritise public service and staying close to their family etc, that doesn't make them any less hard working or intelligent. At the same time, there are some very intelligent people in the US working very difficult, poorly paid jobs (eg in education). Do you really think people with lower salaries are only in those jobs because they are incapable of rising higher?

I think you could do with some critical self examination as you come across as very arrogant.

My heart bleeds for you!

I definitely don't think all wealthy people are geniuses.

Might I suggest you donate some of your crippling money to a charity who actually needs it if it is such a burden

OP has long since gone. The amount of words she wrote after her first post was pretty small too.

There is plenty of research on this. Up to a point, earning more does make you quite a bit happier. But, above a certain level, it makes little difference.

The difference between earning £20,000 and £200,000 is significant. I am not sure someone earning £2mio is much, if at all, happier than someone on £200k.

Hmm... I also find the OP doesn't quite chime but I'll bite.

I earn ok and I had a nice upbringing with some security. I appreciate the comforts I had and those I have. One of the reasons I work hard is to try and maintain some of this. I had a bit of a journey to finding my path in my 20s and stability, security, being able to have a better set of working hours and being able to afford some little treats are things I value and really appreciate.

Being very, very, rich doesn't necessarily make one any happier in life but some of the obstacles that money can remove make life a lot easier. I'd honestly rather worry about whether I should slightly up my risk or change an investment than dropping into my overdraft when I still have commute costs to cover, or a bill still to pay and no food in the fridge and a week to payday.

4 - put off dc till late

you are 35. And now a parent

that’s hardly late

i had mini blondes at almost 44 but due to 10yrs of ttc and unexplained infertility

now that’s late but not my fault

Money isn’t everything and people help each other out in other societies.

In many collectivist societies or indigenous cultures, social safety nets rely on family, clan, or village support rather than individual bank accounts. When people know their community will share food and shelter in times of need, the personal drive to hoard individual financial security decreases.

Absolutely no doubt you've worked hard and made sacrifices for your wealth. If the money doesn't make you happy it does make me wonder why you don't work part time.

Where I think YABU is to blithely state what people earning the "average" wage can afford. Have you not heard of the massive cost of living increases in the UK- mortgages, rent, utilities, food, fuel etc have all sky rocketed and wages have not kept up. Many families can't afford a holiday or decent car and if they do, they have probably gone into debt for it

😂

I haven't read the full thread but imo money is never not useful, but it also doesn't bring happiness I think generally people who earn more have the same happiness poorer people have but in a different sense.

Ie - you're too broke to afford food, great we got pasta, tuna, salad cream
Middle - Oh we can go out or order food tonight and it's no problem
Higher - We can go out and eat or order food tonight, it's no problem

But that doesn't mean your food won't be crap because you can eat at the £250 pp steak house vs mcdonalds.

People who can afford instantly to replace broken down appliances or flooring are in a much better place than people who go, oh fuck the washers broke - but both still have a sense of pride in saving and buying a new one or just being able to buy a new one.

I guess it's all relative to how you feel. Money does not but happiness but it buys a sense of comfort and I think if people who have always had lots won't understand, but people who have worked hard to have alot will generally be a bit stinger about buying things and not always have the same sense of ''thankfully we can do this' and then people who don't have much are generally grateful for what they can do / work towards. So I do think it stings a bit harder in each zone.

There is a great deal of important context to that statement, and you haven't given it. I bet even if you provided the research that demonstrates what you're claiming, there'd be plenty of reasons why you wouldn't swap places with someone from one of those "happiest societies on earth!"

Just a hunch. It's so easy to throw answers like yours into a thread with such actual existential relevance for many people.

Ah, I see now! What you mean is, knocking yourself out to live on an average-to-low income with terrible social stigma attached to it is vastly underrated compared with making millions per year and not having that social stigma?

Who'd have thought it?!

Honestly, I have very wealthy close relatives who were not always wealthy at all and they have often said "more money, more problems." I honestly think the social expectations on wealthy people is something I would rather not face. I have never particularly wanted to be rich, just comfortable.

I think some people get so angry at posts like this they dont stop to think through the logic and how it actually makes no sense. I suppose its why rage bait is a thing, people getting too mad to see how full of holes it is.

Yes definitely fake but wouldn't call it a masterpiece. There seem to be a lot of these oh im too rich posts lately and none of them seem to actually have an understanding of having finances at all and as soon as the holes in their story show, they disappear.

This one didn't even seem to grasp the basic timeline required for their story or the maths requirements to earn what they said in investments, it just doesnt add up. So not a particularly smart troll in my opinion. But clearly enough people believe it to pull in the posts and MN are no doubt doing their usual 'give the benefit of the doubt' when its obvious to most people with an ounce of common sense that it literally doesnt add up. But its starting to feel like more and more of Mumsnet is just this utter crap.

I got suspended from my job as a teacher and became a camgirl out of desperation.

This sub has always been obsessed with money.

Anyways. Money isnt everything. As long as you enjoy your life, have love and health, then that is wealth.

Within how many moves? I’m interested in how people plot a career that involves significant pay increases. I’m in a fairly undervalued sector so will never have OPs problem!