Expectation as a young grandparent?

I really think the posts are directed at those in a physical position to help, it might be nice to go up a wee holiday in the school holidays for a few days and see the baby for a few hours and let them go out if you want to go and the kids want to see the baby but not to give into a demand of childcare. I've a friend who has 2 toddler grandchildren and just had a baby with her new partner, had her eldest at 20, is now 45, daughter had babies at 22 and 23. All very ordinary ages for everyone to be having babies. They are apparently having a great time having each other to watch the babies when needed. But that's not quite your position. You are a step grandparent, this isn't your daughters child etc etc.

I'd go up for a visit just to have a nice wee holiday and help out while there when you are able to. Don't put yourself out financially or upset your own children so if necessary your husband could go up himself. Babies are hard work, you know that yourself, so sending a small bit of support if you can seems ok to me.

Sounds like she needs to grow up. She is a parent now and should act like it. Winging on social media about family is childish.

She is unreasonable. Block her on sm. Let your dh deal with them. You mentioned they are hoping for a holiday, are they imagining you two will offer to have the baby for a week while they go away? They are delusional if this is the case. They have chosen to have a child this young, they can raise it.

Yeah this. How old is the baby ? Is she maybe talking about grandparents who are more local rather than you? I can't see what they can expect, except that maybe you'd visit.

I can’t imagine what childcare they think you can do from different county. You have your own young children and have only met the baby once.

Ignore the social media comments.

Surely it’s aimed at her parents? You can’t provide childcare from Scotland!

You are not a grandparent here OP, so mute her and leave it to your DH. How do you know she’s not talking about her parents?

I think everyone who is wanting to start a family should be given one of those fake babies, the ones they used to give to teenage girls to put them off getting pregnant ( dont know if they still do) the ones that start screaming randomly and you have to see to them because they wont shut up.
(Much like real flesh and blood babies)
It might teach some of these whingers to think more carefully before they reproduce.
Parenthood is relentless and far from the idyllic cute chubby baby babbling serenely in a moses basket 🙄😬

Mute her & carry on with your life.

Your DH’s child. He deals with it.

You’ve nothing to feel
guilty about. You can’t realistically help from so afar, and I agree they may be criticising her parents, not you (unfairly). Maybe they’re demanding too much of her parents.

Also, although maybe harsh, they have a baby now and need to grow up and take responsibility for it.

Just a thought, is she coping? Being a young mum with a young baby is hard? Maybe she’s struggling, and not adapting from being a young, free young adult to the responsibilities of being a parent, especially if she’s the first of her cohort to have a child.

I would assume she was posting about your DSS’s mum or her own parents. It would be a bit batshit to expect you to be very involved from another country. Either way I’d just block/ unfollow her and move on.

Unless she’s expecting you guys to fund a nanny or your dh to visit for days to providing child care she’s barking up the wrong tree aiming any of it your way considering the distance involved.

Maybe dss mum or her parents are not being as much use as she hoped.

mute her posts and don’t worry about it, this isn’t your problem. Your husband could maybe do more but that’s on him, not you. The difference she is missing in her memes is that grandparents who help are retired! They have chosen to have a baby very young and I’d say this would be one of the consequences of that.

Are you sure it’s not her parents she is posting about (not that that is OK)? How do they expect you to help with childcare when you live so far apart? The baby will hardly know you

Sounds like she’s pissed off at her own parents and his mum, not you. Mute her if it’s annoying. Maybe invite them up during October half term and say they can have a couple of date evenings if you’re that bothered?

Why do you think her social media posts are aimed at you? You're not the baby's grandparent, your husband and his ex are.

It's really nothing to do with you and it's for your husband to discuss with his son and his son's partner. What specifically has the partner asked you to do, directly? Presumably the distance between you precludes you being able to help with childcare?

Is what she is saying on social media actually aimed at you or are you just interpreting it that way?

Could it be that her family aren't helping as much as she would like and is trying to guilt them into it.

I would be tempted to post back something along the lines of "yes, it is so hard when you have children especially when their grandad lives in another country!"

If she asks directly, I would ask what help she is hoping for? At least then you can deal with her expectations!

Considering you don’t live nearby I’d offer a week in the summer holidays.

What sort of child care are they expecting? You live hundreds of miles apart from your DH's son and partner and you work full-time and have small children of your own. How old is the baby? It doesn't sound very old at all so the fact that the baby's mum is wanting to go away without her baby is quite odd.

What does your DH think? I think that he should speak to his son about his partner trying to guilt-trip you into providing childcare, even though it is completely impractical. It certainly isn't your responsibility.

YANBU. The partner sounds attention-seeking, and frankly a bit dense! How does she expect you to help from hundreds of miles away, when you’ve both got full-time jobs and young kids of your own? I would mute/block her on social media and ask your husband to have an open conversation with his son about expectations - I wonder if he even knows what his partner has been posting.

I think you're wrong. I don't think children (at any age) should ever be expected to help a parent do something the parent chose to do. (this is based on the principle that children don't choose to be born). Obviously, they can, but it shouldn't be expected.

Have you and your husband made the effort to go up and see the new grandchild?

This isn’t your grandchild. It’s your husbands grandchild so it’s up to him to ‘help’ should he wish too. Has the son helped his dad look after his half siblings?

Most grandparents who help out do so because they’re in their 50s/60s/70s and don’t have little kids of their own to look after. YANBU!