Expectation as a young grandparent?

Some people use social media to post lots of ‘poor me’ nonsense. I’d block and ignore her.

They chose to a have a child and they need to understand that only they are responsible for looking after it 24/7. The fact they still have working parents who send them gifts and money is a massive bonus and they ought to be extremely grateful for that, not whining like a toddler about how it’s all so unfair…🙄

The baby is not your grandchild. The baby presumably has four grandparents of its own. No idea why you would stress about childcare requests given the circumstances. Maybe you have a DH/partner problem if he is expecting you to help......

Mute her. I agree with the advice given above. You’re not a grandparent and you have a full plate of your own!

I think for your own peace of mind, you can go one of two routes.

Obviously, given work, your own family responsibilities and the distance you live apart, you can't be any actual help. Plus, to be blunt, you aren't actually a grandparent. You're the 2nd wife of her father in law.

Route 1. Mute her on social media. She'll continue wingeing but you'll never see it. You don't live near them so it won't have a knock on effect on anyone you see.

Route 2. Don't mute her and every time she makes a comment, reply, with a statement like
'If we didn't live 400 miles away, we'd be there in a shot to look after baby.'
or
'Our next scheduled annual leave is in May. We'd love you to drop baby off with us for a week! Let's make a plan.'
or maybe even
'If you ever have plans to move to Cornwall, count us in for regular babysitting with the gorgeous little man!'

I have been exceptionally lucky to have weekly childcare from my PIL and an aunt for a while.

Both retired young with no dependents, lived very locally and we were close emotionally as well. Our life would have been hard without their support.

However it was not an expectation, we always paid for solid childcare once working, and they live about 5 miles away.

I am afraid I would not be able to resist replying to her ridiculous posts.

Has your husband not addressed it with his son? Why are you being asked and not your husband?

It’s really hard having a baby - it is. It’s exhausting and stressful and I totally understand needing help but she isn’t being realistic.

Next time she contacts you looking for childcare, I’d reply quite clearly saying you live a distance away from one another, you have two young children yourself and work full-time so surely herself and her DP can see that it’s just not possible for yourself or your DH to offer child-care.

I’d also mute/block her on SM if she continued posting about lack of support - it’s very childish.

What are you supposed to do from another country? She's bonkers. Mute and carry on. I don't mean to sound harsh, but she chose to have a baby... the world doesn't revolve around her.

I can't believe she means you when she talks about GPs not helping, OP.

You're hundreds of miles away, you have a f/t job and young children of your own. And I assume your DP works f/t too. It's not like you can pop in for a few hours to give her a break every now and again.

If she does mean you, perhaps she needs a bit of a wake-up call.

I would just block her. Couldn't be doing with that, she doesn't work so why does she need babysitters? Surely they can hire one?

She’s obviously being passive aggressive on social media but as you’re so far away and obviously not available for regular babysit could she be refereeing to her own family if they are closer?

I would also use @curious79 ’s advice - it is really good.

This ^
i wouldn’t expect you providing childcare at all, just expressing interest to how baby is doing and visiting from time to time.
How could you provide childcare ?You don’t have a magic carpet to fly to theirs.

I’d just block her. Attention seeking ’woe is me’ posts on social media are really fucking tedious.

Given you don’t know her, the post could well be aimed at other people - including absentee own parents - and a general sense of helplessness at this stage. As someone else suggested commiserate with her and talk about how difficult it can be as you well know because you still have two primary school age children.

Some young people just want it all. They’ve had a baby young yet still want and expect to be able to have all the nights out, weekends away etc. Hence the unreasonable demand for childcare help.

You owe them nothing. They’ve made their bed and need to sort it out. She doesn’t work so there’s no work/childcare issues for now at least.

Logistically and practically there’s nothing you can do to help nor should you be expected to. Let her post her ridiculous expectations - mute her or unfriend her.

Sounds like its aimed at anyone' who will listen and she is struggling, why would you take it to heart surely it is up to your husband and his ex wife if they want to help out, does his dad not visit them either ?

Are you sure she's not posting these and they are directed at her parents or the mum? Because no one in their right mind would expect any childcare help from someone 100's of miles away. It is impossible!

If her family help I would assume this is directed at her your DPs ex / her DPs mum...

I'd put her on mute or whatever and crack on with your lives.

If she asks you directly to provide childcare for a solo holiday ask her what sort of reciprocal arrangement she had in mind as school holidays are difficult to fill so a weeks childcare would be a great help.

How on earth are you supposed to help when you’re at opposite ends of the country?

They want help, they need to move where their family are. When you take the decision to have a baby, you should factor that stuff in!

Just delete any and all social media accounts.

I was in my 40s when my grandchild was born. My own baby waa a toddler.

We lived in the same city then. I uses to have DGC once a week when her mum returned to work.
Now they live a few hours away, its just in the school holidays.

I would ask her directly what help she needs.

Posting personal gripes on social media is a sign of immaturity. I'd just mute her.

Invite them to come stay with you every now and then if you have space, and if the baby is easy you could watch it for a couple of hours while they have a date night. Looking after a baby you barely know for longer than that wouldn't be appropriate/fair on the child even if you didn't have young children and a full time job of your own

I think your husband needs to talk directly to his son about this.

It is unclear what exactly they want you to do - you mention going away so is she just a CF who is wanting money for a holiday or money for childcare (perhaps there is some guilt on dad's side if he doesn't see his son and they aren't close).

You also don't know what the son has said. If her family help out a lot and if his mum is around maybe it's more obvious that dad isn't present (and maybe this is a bigger issue of dad starting a new family and not being present in son's life if they live quite a distance apart).

Why? OP also has small children, is the stepson's wife going to offer a reciprocal week?

She sounds like an awful person. Id probably ignore it. You dont want to jeopardise your husbands relationship with his son and grandchild.