Does anyone else identify with changing so much by mid 50s?

Yes I feel exactly like this. I put it down to menopause and the shitty world we live in.

Menopause strips you of serotonin as side effect of declining estrogen, as well as so much else, and low serotonin can very definitely physiologically affect you.

Serotonin is a neurotransmitter and you need it for physical activity and normal brain activity, it's not just about mood.

For a few years I was on a supplement called 5HTP (doctors are generally clueless about this supplement but all were interested when I would talk about it to them) It has an actual, physical effect (nope I don't sell it not paid for talking about it and am no longer on it as I no longer need it).

5 HTP (5 hydroxytryptophan) is a direct precursor to serotonin, meaning the body converts it into the neurotransmitter serotonin, this helps your body to function, sleep, regulate mood etc.

Not saying this is what you need and be very careful about serotonin syndrome, don't take it if you are on serotonin reputake inhibitors already.

But for the four years I needed it, it changed my life. It worked really fast too, like within 3 days I felt like a different person, more energy, calmer, more stable, just more like the old me.

Anyway, don't rule out the physical. And don't trust doctors to help you as if you're on the "normal" level for blood tests etc they'll pretty much ignore you, even if your normal is absolutely at the bottom of the baseline for "normal".

I think peri and menopause are foundation shaking for many but I also think it's like a mid life reckoning, something to do with moving from youth to older age and recognising our own and our loved ones mortality. Someone once said to me that when you get to your 40s your start to see things in 3D and your 50s 4D. Not sure what happens in the decades after but it feels very true. I feel very much like I just see things so differently now. Peri hit me like a ton of bricks pretty much overnight. I tried HRT for two years but came off due to progesterone intolerance. I feel like a completely different person now and touch wood am managing ok. It took a massive adjustment though and a difficult few years. Good luck OP.

HRT, Sertraline, less alcohol, things that make you laugh (comedy on tv), an exercise you actually like not endure.
But the first two biggest help for me in order to be able to do the rest

I am 55 and feel a bit like you. Bereavement after caring for a loved one, I find family overwhelming, I feel unsociable, need rather than want, time on my own or I feel overwhelmed. My GP said I am experiencing burnout and I agree. I changed my job last year and I like it but don’t have the old enthusiasm to get on and make my mark. However what I have done is turned to childhood hobbies, which unfortunately are expensive as they involve animals. I got a puppy and trained it to do dog sports which we enjoy together. I got a horse, and on Sunday we galloped down a beach. These are the things that give me a zest for life now, rather than parties, work and socialising. My first grand child is due soon and I hope that will also be a new chapter for me. However a substantial amount of my time is taken up by fantasizing about and planning my retirement and a quieter life in the country. I do wish I could just enjoy the here and now a bit more.

Any particular brand you would recommend?

Another thing is that I think menopause is a substantial life change for women, in a par with puberty in terms of the personality and bodily changes that take place. I feel like a different person now compared to 30s and 40s, just like me at 11 was totally different to me at 17 both in appearance and behaviour. It sounds obvious but for me it helps to acknowledge this and realise that we do change over time. I feel the problem is that other people (partners and children) often don’t get this and we don’t communicate it, we just get on with things so expectations of us don’t match reality.

This may be controversial but I honestly think that a lot of women would be happier alone or living with other women while having a boyfriend/companion.

Once the child-bearing years are done, there's no point staying with somebody who gets on your wick.
It's just pointless.

Locally to,us a ladies friemdship,group was started because someone recognise that women over forty felt a little lost. They no longer had that daily chat on the school playground, went back to work full time, kids became more independentbetc.

Can you look on Facebook to see if there’s something similar? With ours, people put up coffee met up, theatr trips, Bookclubs, and you attend if you want, but there’s no pressure.

Similar to @MostlyGhostly we got a dog a few years ago and a year ago, I started doing agility with him. It’s been the best thing and I think this is partly because I’m using my brain, and I can see progression. Can you find a new pastime that gets you out? Netball,? Bookclub?archeology club? Dungeons and dragons?

You're right about needing to be more proactive, but don't force it. Your depression can be helped clinically by Setraline. That will then give you a new lease of life and the impetus to do enjoyable things again. I'm mid 50s and I got really depressed about menopausal monthly or bi monthly bloats. I felt pregnant and old. Unfortunately, it can be when you reminisce about your 30s, or younger. It sounds like you really need to offload to somebody. It will get better. You've just got to find the right solution for you ❤️ you're certainly not alone.

I agree. I keep thinking about that Kafka book Metamorphosis where he wakes up one day and is a huge insect. I feel like I've been through a huge puberty like change and am nothing like I was before.

I think giving up alcohol and antidepressants could make a huge difference.

I also think that it’s harder to bounce back from life’s vicissitudes, especially when you have a series of hammer blows such as bereavement (quite often multiple), maybe having caring responsibilities for older people in the family at the same time as still being in the parent-trenches, the challenges of peri and menopause and sometimes other health-issues. It takes it out of you fighting battles on several different fronts and it gets harder to keep getting back on the horse.

However, there is something very freeing about this age too, imo. A lot of the things that concerned me when I was younger around appearance and other people’s opinions of me etc seem laughable. I think OP has a lot on her plate, particularly having younger children. Like others, I’d recommend seeing if any physical causes can be addressed because lots of women I know have discovered that the right regimen of HRT or having autoimmune issues diagnosed and properly treated made sense if/ resolved things they’d been struggling with for years. Also, alcohol seems to be much more difficult to handle physically during this decade so a different approach to that might help.
Hang in there. X

In my 50s my priorities shifted and I place huge importance on looking after myself. My vintage body and mind has gone through a great deal and its time to treat both with the care they deserve if I'm going to be well for the next 30 years.
I treat myself gently. Making a conscious effort to balance work rest and enjoyment and doing only those things that I have to or genuinely want to.
I eat cleanly, don't drink, do the exercise I need to stay healthy, do the things that relax me and are good for my soul. Time with people I Iove, nature, music, books, travel. I rest without guilt.
I've found a peace and wellbeing I never had when younger and I'm happy. It's a different sort of happy, but its good. I hope you find yours.

@Realworld10 Thank you for posting. I’m so sorry for what you are going through. I’m yet to reach 50, but feeling at a very low ebb. I was full of despair this morning, but knowing I’m not alone, and reading all the lovely responses on here has given me hope.
💐

56 & wasn't able to pick myself up after being attacked then my brother dying. Experienced exactly the same, I was sick of people & just wanted to be at home. I'm also in a talking job, & it felt like daily torture having to sit & listen to people & interact with them.

Sertrailne has been my saviour. It's the first time I've reached for anything chemical & now I feel a bit of a twit for not accepting them sooner. I'm also in CBT which my brain appears to love. I still don't want to go out as much as I used to, but what's the issue? My home is lovely, it's all mine & if I want to enjoy it I will as long as I'm not isolating myself. Work is also bearable again, but I'm really looking forward to retiring.

I'm not sure there is a normal. I seem to be fine at early 60s, very active and fit, travel a lot, feel like these are the best years. That's me, not you, but it does mean that it's not necessarily a natural part of ageing. Could you try exercise for a couple of months and see how that works? I find that essential. You may have to take it till you make it, I personally don't live doing exercise but I do love the benefits it brings in terms of energy

I have heard women describe what we experience, being female, as "body horror" and I think there's some truth in that. First there are the seismic changes of puberty, and the steady rumble of menstruation every month, then for some of us pregnancy and birth, which is violently transformative, actually growing another person, then it all goes haywire for years around menopause. For a long stretch, for me, every day was different, bleeding, not bleeding, bloating, sweating, aching, sleeping, not sleeping etc - it is exhausting. And that's on top of working, running a home, caring for parents, parenting - and maybe somehow trying to do things you actually want to do. It's amazing we make it out to the other side at all.

HRT for definite. I was already on it (and anxiety meds) when my MH gradually got worse, became completely 'flat' - no interest on anything / wading through treacle / going through the motions.

My HRT Oestrogen was upped & even I was surprised at the difference. Completely got myself & my mojo back. Was able to come off & stay off the anxiety meds.

It also became clear that I obviously had ADHD and knowing & understanding that also made a huge difference. I am thriving now in my mid-50s.

Deffo start HRT. It has so many huge health/ protection benefits. The risk isn't about taking HRT, it's about NOT taking it.

Check out the Balance Menopause website or app for loads of good supportive info, podcasts etc and evidence.

Yeah that's a good sum up. It's a lot isn't it. I can't wait to get to the other side of it, I hear it's great.

I am 50, but I did relate to your post, and how I feel I've changed in the last few years, but I also really agree with passaggressfedup's post here. I want to make the most of my life as much as possible - but to do so I have to avoid leaning into my feelings of social anxiety, not being good enough, energy levels being low etc etc...
HRT helped a bit but my main peri symptom is anxiety anyway and it hasn't been a silver bullet. Movement (weights, yoga, pilates, walking the dog etc) also help me.. but it's a constant pushing back against this creeping feeling that it's easier to stay in, not go out for a drink, too tired for this festival or that class etc... @herbetta I'm interested in what you said about upping your oestrogen though not sure if I should have been on it for longer than 2 years before going up.
I get how hard it is when you lose people. I lost my parents, and quite a few friends in the last few years. Not sure what the answer is - just keep on going I guess, try to notice the moments of joy.

I’m surprised at how much has slipped away from me and my family in the last few months. People, things that were incredibly important to my child, job. I can remember the same kind of thing happening to my family when I was growing up around the same age. The fifties twenty called sniper alley for nothing!

*aren’t

I do find these comments quite sad. My fifties were in many ways my best decade. I had a new exciting job which involved a lot of travel, challenged my thinking, making new friends and gaining recognition for my work. I also became a grandmother for the first time. 50 is still quite young and I think that RealWorld10 you should be talking to your GP. Best wishes.