AIBU to feel uncomfortable about my partner's comment on teenage niece?

He has know her a long time and if married then he would be her uncle.

Perhaps he is passing comment onto his girlfriend in hope she lets her sister know that the nieces outfit was inappropriate and if it made a relative pass comment then there will be a lot of other men who also notice.

She almost certainly wasn’t sitting there topless.

It is properly disgusting for a grown man to be commenting on the breasts of a child, and his partner’s niece who he’s known since he was a child particularly. There is no scenario where it’s okay and I’m shocked by some of the comments on here.

He's a man he's going to notice, the only questionable part is mentioning it in the way he did.

Why would you have your tits out at family dinner?

I agree. I know what you mean. 'Hasn't she grown up (at 14)' can come across as really creepy. No comments is best. Ive never heard any of the men in our family comment on our daughters in that way when they were growing up, or even now they are adults. And the fact the OP states it was all in a non pervy way but she still feels there was something off.

Do people not get that noticing is different from commenting and commenting needs to be phrased appropriately regardless of who the comment is made to?

This bloke is not a relative, NOT family. The way he phrased his comment, although made privately and not to the child, was massively inappropriate.

but he DID comment and the comment was inappropriate.

But School is preparing for working / professional life - so yes, clean, covered etc. Home, amongst blood replies, you should be able to practice to get things right / balanced. If anything needed saying it would be a female relative 1:1, not OP's example.

But shouldn't family then be able to safely say what they notice about the outfit?

I used to work in a sixth form, the rule was clean, comfortable and covered. I remember one girl in my class having to be spoken to by a sixth form leader over her boobs falling it. Her vest top was lacy and flimsy, her bra was not supportive and you could see a lot of skin.
While I appreciate there will be comments saying that if that's how she wants to dress people shouldn't comment on it, but not all occasions are appropriate for this kind of outfit (and this student was not one dressing for attention and I don't think realised quite how revealing the outfit was).

Also, you will get a lot of different opinions on this. There was a thread last summer with a mum not wanting her daughter to wear a string thong bikini which was extremely revealing ('postage stamps covering her nipples) on a multi generational family holiday, because she didn't want the grandparents to feel uncomfortable. There were very opposing views - some people said it was appropriate that she cover up as seeing a relative almost naked can make some people feel uncomfortable. Other people said it was completely up to the girl what she wore, people shouldn't be commenting on her body or clothing choices, no one should be shaming her for what she chooses to wear, and if the grandad felt uncomfortable it made him a perv for noticing his grandchilds breasts.

I think it's a normal human thing for noticing flesh on show that's not normally on show. That's different to commenting that someone should cover up or judging them. He just noticed, it doesn't mean he was staring / perving / judging / being negative.

I don't necessarily think it's creepy. I think if you're used to seeing your young female relative in kids clothes and thinking of them as a child, it is a bit of a shock the first time you see them in grown up clothes especially if they're a bit more revealing, it suddenly makes you think 'oh they're a teen now', which us what it sounds like his comment meant to me. If he was banging on about her boobs,books, or saying anything pervy, or mentions it again, then I'd feel uncomfortable.

I saw a lady jogging yesterday with shorts only covering half of her bum cheeks, and it did register in my brain...I wasn't perving on her but it was something that I could have commented on

Agreed. No need to discuss / highlight the breasts of a 16 year old. She should be safe (est) to try out different styles of clothes at home amongst family.

yup the Sam Fox countdown came to my mind, although that was the Sun

I am female. I wouldn't like that comment. I don't like seeing breasts or anyone scantily clad when I'm out.

Even commenting that she looks "grown up" should be said carefully and privately as it still carries a strong risk of sounding like a pervy Daily Mail photo caption. 🤢

DNeice should have dressed appropriately for a family meal and not had breasts out.

‘Had her boobs out’ ? 🤢 Judgemental and pervy.

I think he should learn to keep his opinions about women’s bodies to himself, especially women he is related to.

why is a grown man talking about a child's boobs (one that is not directly related to him)

of course its weird. We know many men will they notice them we do not need to accept that its ok for them to pass comment on woman and especially girls boobs (unless its intimate (obviously with a woman) or their child or medical)

But he could have said how grown up she looked without mentioning her boobs. Has any woman ever said oh dear nephew looks so grown up now he has a huge trouser bulge.

I don't think it's a weird comment, obvs to be kept private (as it was, since he said it to you only) - i would imagine it's quite normal to notice and to feel a bit strange about a child suddenly posessing grown up boobs. Does not mean he was pervy, I would have felt the same.

Agree.

No man should be uttering the words "had her boobs out" about a 16 year old girl. Its an adult sexualising (also crass and sexist) comment about someone you'd expect him to view as a child. I'm not keen on men who take it upon thenselves to comment on women's bodies at all, particularly in a judgmental way, but a girl so young is another level.