To think a man with five kids he barely sees won’t be considered a catch on the dating scene?

I am sure certain woman will take him on or in
Unless he is using it for casual hpok ups only not involving the family.
Anyone with kids it is a ground to quiery why especially 5.
Hope hes been neutred.

I have a STBXH and he was incredibly manipulative and wasn’t mean or nasty about his ex. Spoke about her empathically and with a really good way of acting like a victim. No kids involved. I fell for it. I was the proverbial boiled frog. It’s taken five years of therapy and two very good friends who understand narcissistic abuse for me to fully see just how manipulative he is - it’s frightening because I’m intelligent, savvy, work in the sphere of supporting people post abuse, I’m strong minded, etc but it has had such an impact that I literally no longer trusted my own judgement. I didn’t even trust my own experience of my physical state or emotional state. I’d actually tell myself in my head ‘you are making this up, you don’t really feel XYZ’. Even though I felt XYZ.

I am just over a year out and I still gaslight myself sometimes. It changes you. But none of it is obvious at first. The behaviour doesn’t start straight away. my ex was warm, empathic and seemed to understand me like no one else had. He seemed sensitive and gentle.

Looking back it was love bombing.

He fits the Lundy Bancroft ‘Mr Sensitive Abuser’ profile perfectly and I think they are the hardest to spot.

He’ll spin the usual story - evil woman who stopped him seeing his kids, broken hearted gentle soul, needs the healing of a good woman. Blah blah blah. Women fall for it every time

That’s a bit victim blaming on OP. To be fair she did suggest a Clare’s Law disclosure. She probably should’ve mentioned that at first though.

No matter how good looking, charming and witty a man may be, if he has 5 children I wouldn't be interested. Waaaaaay too much baggage.

Although I once refused to date a man who didn't drive (I'm picky) and got annihilated on MN for it.

Not with a 1000 foot barge pole!! No way.

Utter twat. Angry on your behalf OP.

Short-medium term he might find another woman and look like he's winning at life, but long-term he's lining himself up for a miserable and lonely old age, full of regrets.

You, on the other hand, are on track to be able to reap the benefits of having been a good and loving mother, with adult children who love and appreciate you and trust you with their grandchildren.

I know which position I'd rather be in, however tough it is right now.

Calling a spade a spade is not misogynistic.
What could be argued is misogynistic are all that women beliving that all women before them were "crazy bitches" without a question imho

When I met the womwn who is now my wife I had a son by my first marriage

Fortunately given the opportunity to demonstrate her challenging and inappropriate behaviour my ex wife grabbed it with both hands.

Is that assumption always wrong, though?
Here we have a man who is out on bail for assaulting a toddler.
Yet the concern from @Bezerk is will he be a catch to another woman.

I think it's fair to say that most sensible wouldn't give a shit what he was up to dating wise as long as he was away from them!

But then you should have taken a better look at his kids and his ex. Did you speak to her, watch how his kids interacted with him, lived with him and his kids to actually know what type of father he was. There will have been signs op.

Agree unless the guy is a footballer or crazily rich and can afford nannies or CMS for them all!

If he’s hot and potentially a liar then all bets are off. He’ll be getting plenty of sex im sure.

A relationship won't mean he's landing on his feet. He's missing out on seeing his gorgeous children grow. It will be hard, but you're the one with the important things

This. It's always the fault of the deranged ex - who curiously is always desperate to hang on to him in the eyes of the next in line.

Depends on on the man. I have a brother on his own with 4 children who probably won't date again until the children are adults. He's lovely but I couldn't see any woman wanting to put herself into such a complicated situation.

Does he work? Pay you child maintenance? Pay the other mum child maintenance when u were together?

Sounds a bit like my ex partner and yes, he always has a girlfriend. He left me for someone, moved 5 hours away from his baby, and hasnt seen him/contacted him in the best part of a year. She is fully aware he has a child, so must be aware he doesnt see him, and she is okay with that. Shes only youngish (no excuse, she knew he had a family), I imagine it'll only hit her what it takes to abandon your baby when she has one herself, hopefully not with him! He is also as you describe, charismatic, charming and abusive. What a combination!

Sadly your ex will meet someone no problem, but the cycle will continue, this is who he is, he wont/cant change. I've found the best "revenge" is to never, ever contact him, never give him that satisfaction. Go through legal channels for child maintenance and let them deal with it all. I dont know what the future holds for you with regards to contact, but straight to mediation/court and no trying to sort it yourself.

If it makes you feel any better, he won't be getting a decent, well adjusted woman any time soon.

Unfortunately there will be plenty of desperate, naive or trashy women that will only be too happy to put up with his crap.

He's attractive and charming. He'll probably do well on OLD. His profile probably won't mention any kids at all, just like many profiles don't mention inconvenient facts like being married. He certainly won't mention being in bail for assault.

He probably can't put off mentioning his children forever, but he might be able to do so long enough to hook someone in and then say something like, "I didn't want to mention them if we didn't have a future," or whatever.

Just move on as far as you can.

This is the issue. I've seen plenty of threads on here where women are complaining that he spends far too much time/money/energy/effort on his own kids.

There are some women out there who, if they're honest, want him to largely leave his previous kids in the past with his ex and now focus his attention on her and her/their own new kids instead.

Most of them change their thinking vastly once they are the ex, and he moves on to the next and the next...

I would imagine he might not tell them? Or if he does, he’ll minimise it and make out like he’s dad of the year! That said, any woman he ends up in a relationship with will eventually find out through her own experiences and leave anyway (my ex told me he had 1 child and the mother “wouldn’t let him see child” but I later found out he had 9 with 9 different women and walked out on all of them!)

You say he’s good looking. He managed to land you despite having 3 already. He’ll paint himself as a hard done by excellent father who has evil exes. Of course he’ll end up in a new relationship and, given his fecundity, probably more kids

Yes, this is what it comes down to. Many, many years from now, you'll be reaching the end of a long, happy family life; surrounded by your precious children who have always loved you so very much, are utterly heartbroken at having to finally say Goodbye to you, and who will never forget you and the great joy that you brought to their lives for all of those decades.

Meanwhile, he will be "That awful old bloke; eugh, can you remember that waste of space?!"

He will, and he’ll probably do well. That’s just how it is on dating sites. He won’t say he’s a shit dad, he’ll tell them all how you all keep him away from his kids and you’re all crazy etc the usual bullshit!