To think a man with five kids he barely sees won’t be considered a catch on the dating scene?

Oh some silly cow will, and shewill believe all his stories about how you (and any previous exs were crazy etc...)

My OH has a brother.
His brother has an ex wife with a son. She left him after he beat her.
She moved back to her home country and he has court letters arriving regularly about tne thousands in unpaid maintenance...

In the few years after she left he had a string of relationships that went badly due to his behaviour. One girl fell pregnant, then he punched her so she ran, hes never met his daughter!

His last partner stuck it out for 8-9 years and has 2 boys with him. In that time hes put his hands on her a few times but hes mostly been verbally aggressive and disappears all weekend on drinking and cheating binges while slating her as a partner and parent.
Oh yeh, he punched his mother once, she broke her jaw and ankle and the ankle was an open fracture, he didnt get help. If I hadnt had a call from his terrified partner (who was hiding in the bedroom with their then toddler) and come over she could have bled out and died.
After years of crap she got the balls to kick him out recently.
He fell straight into another woman's bed and this new woman messages his ex about how wonderful he is and what an amazing relationship they have.
People tried to tell her whatbhes lime but she thinks she knows better. She will learn in her own time but I.hope it doesnt come at the expense of her own child!
The funniest thing is, hes now trying the charming technique on his ex! He cant be nicer to her!!
I said DO NOT FALL FOR IT! She said she wont, shes done with him and is staying polite for the kids sake only, but its like he's trying to charm her all over again. He just wants what he cant have. Now he's free to live with his side piece hes not loving it quite so much as he did when he was just slipping into her bed every weekend! The new gf believes she is the love of his life but hes already slagging her off behind her back... he hasnt changed and he never will!

Hes not even hot, hes got no money and a crappy car, I dont kmow how he attracts them cos hes 100% loser 😂😂

I think it's more of a case that they really do think they are different, they know how to handle him and it's " real love" with them. It happens time and time again.

I often think it’s those with low self esteem who don’t see the red flags.

Any woman with half a brain cell will run a mile and some, and quite frankly I would wish them all the luck in the world, as he is bad news and WILL ruin their life.

He is no longer your problem, focus on your own priorities and ambitions.

my MIL has had multiple kids with multiple men and somehow she still manages to claw herself a new husband every 8-10 years, makes sure they earn enough to support her lazy ass and all of her kids although 3 of them are in their 30s and 40s now
so there really is someone out there for everyone it’s just a case of how desperate they are!

Someone will think they’ve found a prince amongst men. Others would run a mile.

Unfortunately they are often the charmers, who will go on and on about how much they love their kids...they probably do but action speaks louder than words!
My partner has a relative who had 6 with 4 different women before he was 30. Claims he can afford it!

I'm so sorry OP.
From what you've said, I would posit that he is a very unhappy person who puts on a good show to manipulate others. He is likely miserable and hates himself although he won't admit it. I'm guessing high in narcissistic traits?
You can take comfort from the fact he's probably miserable in himself, no matter how carefree or successful he tries to appear on the outside.
Any women who get involved with him are in for a bad time...

This is exactly what my ex did. I gave him fairly unrestricted access to our daughter,after we split up. Did he take it up? Did he,heck. Barely managed a 15 minute visit once a week.And I felt that was done just so he could say to me that he'd seen her. Then I learnt that he was telling his family and friends that I wouldn't let hem see her as much as he wanted. First I knew of it was his mother phoning me and having a go about it. I put her straight but I'm not sure that she believed me.

Also, how many kids did he have when YOU decided he's a catch?

He's definitely not a catch, but sadly that won't repel some women who are desperate for whatever they can get.

Well I stupidly took my ex with 4 believing she was the problem and he wanted more kids. He didn’t. We split up and it took me over a year to recover from the gaslighting. 3 years wasted of my life wasted while he was out shagging someone else 2 days later.. so there are the stupid ones like me who learn the hard way..

Happiness is the best revenge, OP. So while he continues his way through failed relationships and children who refuse to see him, you can forge a wonderful new life without him. Of course there will be hard times too, like right now, but just remind yourself that even the hard times are better than life with him.
💐

The “Adult children who he is in regular contact with and appear to think well of him but divorced? Not necessarily an issue.” I would be concerned if the adult children had children. I don’t want to be around other people’s children too much.

This would be a case of it depends for me.
Adult children who he is in regular contact with and appear to think well of him but divorced? Not necessarily an issue.
Widower with small children? No reflection on his character but there might be other issues.

Man who's abandoned his small children?
No way.

I would only date men that have no children, but before arranging a date, women could ask if the man had children.

I think that this thread is a microcosm of that.

I'm sorry if the OP is offended by this but I can't help but think 'why do you care who he dates now?'

He assaulted a toddler ffs . Why is this even a concern?

It's not even that he's a gangster who only hurts other grown men of the same ilk.

But he probably doesn't mention being a father at all, so no one is going to be put off by it.

Yes there are some very unintelligent women (and men) who have children then those children get raised to think this is normal in a relationship so either go on to do themsleves or fall for it, and sadly the cycle continues

Unless people wake up and stop it, what a legacy to leave their children

Unfortunately he will probably target women with low self esteem if he is hot. Alternatively women who have also had shit partners previously and think it's perfectly normal to have five kids by at least two mothers.

No they don't!
Whatever gave you that idea?

If that were the case, everybody would think infamous evil people shouldn't be jailed. After all, what did Peter Sutcliffe do to me?
(just using him as a reference point as he is a famous - or rather infamous-person NOT to be controversial).

You meet a child abusing piece of scum and you judge him on how he treats you? Don't be f*ing daft.

I'm sorry but most people do NOT say, 'Aye I know he did x, y, z' but he's OK to me. '
Not unless they are indeed thick as the proverbial.

Your second point about greater good is not relevant here.
I don't tend to vote for the greater good, anyway.

You are unable to grasp what I believe to be the very basic concept that this is not about saying every man who stays with his family is good.

It is about saying that those that abandon their family guilt - free are bad.

If you consider it to be a vetting process, and left family is test number one then they are eliminated at the first hurdle.

There may be other tests they fail later but you can get rid of them from the start.

The last bit about denigrating mn-ers is irrelevant.

Ted Bundy was a subject of widespread hybristophilia, with many women writing him love letters and attending his trials. He got married in a courtroom and managed to father a child. All quite bizarre!

Serial killers in jail receive hundreds of love letters from women. Often they get married to one of them, and sometimes even find the way to get them pregnant! I don't know why some women have that masochistic need to have relationships with the dregs of humanity, but unfortunately it is true: bad boys have no lack of suitors.